“What I mock is Pharisaism. What I mock is stacked study committees, and the long, solemn, indignant faces whenever somebody mentions this screamingly obvious fact. What I mock is the bum’s rush for ministers in good standing with no charges filed, no evidence submitted, no proof offered, just raw power from on high—but plenty of that. What I mock is a study committee that gets an important quote from me bass-ackwards, drops it sheepishly when caught, promising to explain it on the floor of GA. By the way, did that happen? What I mock is exactly the same thing that we find mocked in the pages of the New Testament—ecclesiastical stuffed-shirt pretentiousness, and an inability to find a sense of godly proportion. You know, camels and gnats, gold and altars, and justice and mercy and tithing from the spice-rack. You know, justice and mercy and parsing the covenant of works under a merit scope. What I mock are those who are so concerned for merit in the pages of their systematics, but when it comes to any merit their judicial proceedings might be lacking, they don’t give a rip. What I mock are the traditions of the elders—even though I love, honor, and keep those traditions. But the ones who have those traditions draped over their heads like so many Westminster tablecloths have only obscured their vision and have started bumping into things, knocking them over. When I say something about that particular custom, I am upbraided for not honoring the tablecloth. Not at all. But it on the Table, and sit down, you and your children. You are supposed to eat the food, people, not argue over the silverware” ().

The Auburn Avenue Chronicles, p. 438

“This principle is why people do things that they are willing to brazen out. People brazen it out because brazening it out works. And this is why I intend to bring up the stacked nature of the PCA committee every chance I get, for as long as I can remember to do so. Not only will I do this, but I intend to memorialize it with as many metaphors as I can manage to come up with. That committee was as stacked as a double order of buttermilks, as stacked as some blonde in a tight dress, and as stacked as a brick house. The PCA, she’s mighty, mighty.”

The Auburn Avenue Chronicles, p. 428

“‘Was eternal life for Adam conditioned upon perfect and personal obedience?’

I wouldn’t put it that way. I would rather say that avoidance of eternal death was conditioned upon not disobeying. The gift that Adam was receiving could be forfeited by disobedience but did not need to earned by continued obedience . Disobedience would wreck it, and did, but obedience wouldn’t earn it.”

The Auburn Avenue Chronicles, p. 427

“Those who go by the nickname TR are actually curators of the Reformed mausoleum, and not scholars in the Reformed tradition. The way we can tell this is that—in defense of keeping the marble floors of their mausoleum polished and shiny—they deploy Eck’s argument against Luther. Their blood stirs when they hear the story about Athanasius saying that he was contra museum because they really like that kind of thing when it is behind glass in the museum of church history. But when someone actually stands up against the living and breathing ecclesiastical Mitred Ones, they haul this argument out as shamelessly as a theologian who thinks he is supposed to have an infallible magisterium. And they do this against people who they say are trying to ‘lead them down the road to Rome.’ But how can you lead people to Rome when they are already there.”

The Auburn Avenue Chronicles, p. 423