Tag Archives: Global Swarming

Weapon of Mass Confusion

So yesterday, or whatever it was in Indonesia, our Secretary of State beclowned his office by saying that climate change could well be considered as a weapon of mass destruction. This means any number of things, but the central thing it means is that somebody doesn’t want to have the 2014 elections hinge on the triumphs of Obamacare.

So it is apparently time for us to review what we do not know about global warming. There is quite a bit that we don’t know so you might want to gulp down an extra bit of oxygen before starting the next sentence. First, we don’t know that climate change is even happening; in the next instance, we don’t know whether it would be a bad thing or a good thing if it were, for it is quite possible that we will like it when Iceland is famous for her white wines; in the third place, we don’t know, if it is happening and if it is bad, that we, as in we humans, are in any way responsible for it, another possible culprit being the flaming hot ball of fire in the sky; and fourth, we don’t know that anything can be done about it.

However, one thing we can be pretty sure of is that if it is happening, and if it is bad, and if we are causing it, and if we can reverse it, then the last people on earth we should entrust with the responsibility of reversing it would be those statist functionaries who are clamoring for more power in the name of climate change. I would rather die in a rising ocean of inconvenient truths than to pass out the rest of my days smelting our old toothpaste tubes before an important bureaucrat in that big office building across the continent says that it is safe to throw them away.

Think about it for a minute. The Peter Principle says that in an organization, people get promoted up to their level of incompetence, at which point the promotions stop, and you are stuck with that person in that slot for the foreseeable future. But when it comes to government disasters, they do this principle one better. Every fiasco caused by their thundering incompetence is used as compelling evidence that they are long overdue for a promotion and a raise.

Runaway government is a metastasizing cancer that has donned a doctor’s white coat and is offering to help with the treatments. My suggestion would be to say no.

A moment ago I urged you to think about it for a minute, but I sensed that your attention may have started to waver. Don’t drift off now. This the crux of the whole risible affair. The people who brought you trillion dollar deficits, the government education system, the spiraling chaos of Middle East politics, the roll-out of Obamacare, departments of motor vehicles everywhere, and a Federal Reserve honeycombed with crony capitalists, are now asking, on the basis of their record, a record that looks like the trail left by an F-5 tornado, to be put in charge of the weather.

And so I am afraid that if you take longer than a couple seconds to think about whether to be against this galloping folly, then you are a worthy recipient of everything you are about to get.

One of Those Walk-the-Children-Around-the-Pole-Ponies

I haven’t done any skylarking about global warming in a while, so let me have a bit of fun in my opening paragraph. Then, after that, I will sober up a bit, and move on to my more serious point, which I do, in fact, have. In 2007, serious scientists were predicting that the Arctic icecap would be GONE by the year 2013, which, you may have noticed, is almost in our rear view mirror. What is the actual state of the icecap in this, the year of our Lord, 2013? I am glad you asked, because since last August, the icecap has grown by 920,000 square miles. That’s a lot of global warming recoil.

The great idol of modernity is the state. When people engage in political debates, therefore, a lot less time should be spent in looking at what people are offering up, and much more time spent on recognizing what they are offering it to.

Whenever we are talking about climate change, they want me to look at the offering they have brought in their hands. What ever could be wrong with funny looking light bulbs? But the whole point of everything was to grow the power of the state, and the state is an idol. If it weren’t offered up on that altar, I wouldn’t care how your light bulbs looked. When the state is the idol, absolutely every course of action winds up being placed on that altar. Global warming means we must “pull together.” Global cooling means we must “coordinate our efforts,” and either way we go, it will always mean statist coercion.

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Parkas at the Pool

It has been some time since I posted anything under Global Swarming. But now with Colorado burning down, and Kansas at 118 degrees, and a commenter making a good-natured jab about my radio silence, I thought I should at least mutter something.

My silence has been a function of watching various scientists jumping off the U.S.S. Climate Change, and believing (in my innocence) that her once proud prow was shortly going to be pointing at the moon. Ah, but there’s life in the old girl yet, and so it seems that I shall have to rummage around in my bag of skeptical observations to see if I have any left.

Here’s one. If global warming is indeed occurring, we need to get us some here in Idaho. Here it is late June now, and it would be nice if my grandkids didn’t need to take their parkas to the pool so much. But it does cut down on sunscreen costs.

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And Not Like Jake Blues on His Knees

What do belief in evolution, belief in global warming, and belief in the possibility of space aliens who subscribe to a blue state recycling ethos all have in common? Well, they are all attested by Science, you rube.

I am pleased to say that I made it all the way through this article without wheezing once.

Chesterton said that the hotheads of the French Revolution appealed to the goddess Reason, which was odd, because it would appear that this was the goddess who had smiled upon them least. Cornlius Van Til pointed out the pendulum swing nature of unbelief (which is constant), but which swings back and forth between rationalism and irrationalism, like the clock on the wall. The apostle Paul said that divine judgment consists of God giving men up to the futility of intellectual kleenex fires (Rom 1:21,28). Vain imaginations about sums it up.

I had a friend once who, when he was a boy, was taken by his father for a tour of skid row. His father, who was not yet then a believer, wanted his son to see consequences that come from certain choices. I thought of that, more than once, during the course of my study of  philosophy. I thought that the unbelieving Academy ought to be treated more like an intellectual skid row, and less like a haven for “Brights,” to use the howl-worthy Dawkins moniker. Fathers ought to take their sons for a walk through all the smart people departments, and ought to finish with a stern warning, when they are out in the car about to head home, that if the son doesn’t play outside more, and if he decides not to try out for the football team, this could happen to him.

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Then the Climate Data Went Blooey

So there’s weather and there’s climate. When the global warming shillists were back in their prime, they would regale us with anecdote after anecdote about the weather, claiming that this told us something about the climate. The actual climate claims were based on something else, but they sought to persuade the boobs by means of pointing to the weather. Katrina was the result of global warming, etc.

Then something funny happened. The weather shifted in some very odd ways, we started hearing about climate change instead of global warming, and the Al Gore effect became apparent in weather patterns. Everywhere that poor man went, a snow storm followed. Those who lived by the weather anecdote died by the weather anecdote.

They probably could have managed this, because enormous amounts of money were involved, not to mention a power grab of Orwellian proportions. Men like this were not going to slowed down by snow flurries in Georgia.

But then the climate data went blooey. Turns out the books were cooked, rigged, made up, massaged, bought and paid for, and then lost. There went the climate, and the phrase “the science is settled” took on a much more ominous meaning.

And then God, for His mercies endure forever, sent the world the winter of winters. The one enthroned in Heaven laughs; He holds them in derision.

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The Science is Settled

So, then, record snow storms in all kinds of odd places. Evidence for melting Himalayan glaciers . . . melts. The culprits were caught cooking the books. The guy at the center of that controversy now admits that nothing has been warming since 1995, and beside, they lost a bunch of papers, with evidence n’ stuff.

So then, please permit me to announce that global warming is over, and climate change is also over. The weather continues on, but that’s okay. It always does that. What does this mean? It means the science is settled! Let the healing begin!

Can we keep our old light bulbs? The weird glow from those new ones would bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow.

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The Plague of Salt Water

The EPA, under the adroit leadership of Saruman, has now declared CO2 to be a pollutant. As the Staples Singers taught us so many years ago — “put your hand on your mouth when you cough, that’ll help the solution.” And after these Hilaritards have regulated all us CO2 emitters into the ground, they will then turn their attentive ministrations to the real environmental challenge of the century, which is that of battling the plague of salt water.

I just want everybody to stare straight at this for about 120 seconds without blinking. The Greens have successfully won their battle to categorize as a pollutant that element which makes plants grow lush and green. Heh. This would be really funny if it weren’t so hilarious.

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Let”s Try Another Explanation, Shall We?

Aliens must have kidnapped all my climate change data. What year is it?

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