In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, welcome to you all. Let us pray.
Our Father and God, we know how You delight to bless Your people, and we thank You that these blessings include the goodness of marriage. We rejoice before You now in the formation of a new union, and we ask for Your presence and blessing, doing so in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, and amen.
“O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether (Song of Songs 2:14-17).
In this passage of Scripture, we see a very common word, and it is unfortunately a common word found in quarrels and disputes. It is the word mine, but here it is not functioning in that negative way at all. But why not?
The bride here speaks and says, “My beloved is mine.” Why is this not a possessive grabbing? We all know that if we were sitting in a room visiting, and the children were all in the next room playing, and we heard that word shouted out—“Mine!”—one or more adults would get up to go intervene. It is not usually an indicator of pleasant discussion soon to follow.
The thing that makes this statement so delightful is the fact that reciprocity is involved. She says two things, not just one. She says “My beloved is mine, and I am his.” This is not grabbing, this is not selfishness. This is not possessiveness, but rather sharing, mutual indwelling, giving. This is the kind of life that our triune God exhibits—the Father is the Son’s, and the Son is the Father’s. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit both of the Father and of Christ. We possess in the way He does when we are simultaneously being possessed by the one whom we possess.
But this passage does not assume that this is the way it must be since the couple is “in love,” and these things just automatically happen when you are in love. No, this mutual love is described throughout the Song of Songs as a vineyard, and just prior to this statement we are told to keep a watch out for the little foxes, the kind of foxes that spoil the tender grapes of the vineyard. In other words, love at this stage is not invincible; it is not bulletproof. When the grapes are tender, it does not take a huge threat to destroy them. The little foxes can do that.
Too many married couples are on their guard solely against the great threats, the obvious problems. This is clearly not a problem in itself—who could be against guarding against large sins?—but the real problems are usually caused long before anything like that happens. Perhaps while the little foxes are not capable of actually destroying the vineyard, they can make it less worthy of defense. We see the same progression in David’s wonderful prayer—“Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression” (Ps. 19:12-13). Notice that secret faults come first, then presumptuous sins—the little foxes—and after that the great transgression.
The lovers in the Song of Songs are wise—they guard their vineyard from the little things, and this is what protects and guards and makes possible the continued giving of themselves to one another.
But the right kind of love can still mature and grow. Just a few chapters later, we have the same expression of reciprocity in love, but notice what has changed. “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies” (Song of Songs 6:3). Here the order is reversed. Instead of saying that my beloved is mine, and I am also his, the bride here says, I am my beloved’s, I belong to him in the first instance, and he also belongs to me. The same thing is occurring, but the accent is different. This is not repentance from an earlier selfishness; it is maturation in selflessness.
Skyler, you are summoned here today to be the kind of man who gives himself away on behalf of another. You have heard many times that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. But this is not a sentimental thing. When the apostle tells us this, he is not saying that you are to love your wife “a lot,” with that phrase “a lot” carefully undefined. Rather, he says that you are to love your wife just as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her. It is that giving, that sacrifice, that makes all the difference. And, in keeping with what has already been said, take great care to die in the little things. Selflessness begets greater selflessness, just as selfishness leads to greater and greater selfishness.
Chelsey, I charge you today to take careful note of what Skyler is vowing to do on your behalf. This is a great vow; this is a momentous time in your lives together. You will have plenty of occasions to see Skyler die for you in the little things, and so my charge to you is to live in such a way that he does not have to die for you in the petty things. Receive his love with gladness and full acceptance. Rejoice in what he is giving you. Don’t give way to the temptations (which will come) to be a fusser or complainer about trivial things.
For both of you, men tend to think that only the big things matter, and that is not true. Women tend to think that only the immediate things matter, and that is not true either. Skyler, give yourselves away in the immediate things, in the little things. Protect the tender grapes. Chelsea, remember that Skyler is charged to guard the whole vineyard, and you are the chief glory of that vineyard. In this moment, you are being given to one another.
I said earlier that tender grapes are vulnerable, and they are, by definition, vulnerable early in the growing season. The tender grapes are going to be tender in your early years together. But if you heed these words, and conduct yourselves with the same wisdom that these ancient biblical lovers did, then the grapes will not always be tender. They will come to maturity, they will come to fruition, and they will make the finest of wines.
To change the image or metaphor, the right kind of mature love will be able to laugh at every external threat. Love is as strong as death (Song 8:6). Many waters and floods cannot quench it (8:7), and if someone offered all his money for it, that kind of bribe would be utterly despised.
In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.