In his book Experiment in Criticism, C.S. Lewis argues that the value of a book is to be measured by how many times a reader returns to it. If a book is simply a consumption item, then it should be evaluated as such, which is to say that it is not valued very highly. It is read once, and then that’s it. But if a reader returns to it again and again, gaining something new each time, then that is the mark of a profound book. Each return visit reveals new depths.
In this sense, and held up to this kind of standard, weddings are a classic. I officiate at quite a few weddings these days, and this means I am delivering a homily on a very similar occasion every few weeks or so, and I have to do this without repeating myself. But the subject itself is inexhaustible. God has created us in His own image—male and female He has created us—and this means, in part, that marriage, like the God who created it, is full of surprises.
Your marriage will surprise you at the beginning, and you will still be capable of surprising one another on your fiftieth anniversary—which will incidentally be in the year 2060. As you walk with God, and as you love Him, these surprises will be filled with good for you and for your family.
But what will create these surprises? Under the oversight of our Father in Heaven, there are two things. The first is what you have grown up to become in your respective families. As you have met, fallen in love, and gotten to know one another, you have only come to understand a fraction of what that entails. You have gotten to know one another well, but you have a lot more to learn. Looking in the other direction, you are not just what the other person is marrying. Each of you is also going to be what you will be as the result of marrying. You have each been shaped and nurtured by your families, and you are now embarking on the process of shaping and nurturing one another.
Ten years from now, you will not just be what you are now, only ten years older. You will also be a different person in many respects because you will be growing up into the role of “husband of Anne” and “wife of David.” Personal identity is not to be understood as something that is resident in each of us, to be unpacked over time at our leisure. Rather, our personal identity is something that is shaped and created as we go. This means that each of you is stepping into the role, today, of being something of a creator. This is a weighty responsibility, and this is one of the reasons we surround the whole thing with vows.
The adventure is before you. The process is an amazing one. And when you ask the question, as you should ask the question, what it takes to have a good marriage, here is the answer. It takes a good man, which we have, and it takes a good woman, which we also have. But that could not have happened apart from the grace of God, which—thanks to our Lord Jesus—is certainly present here today.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.