The Word Count of Righteousness

I am currently reading a (very good) book on preaching by William Willimon. The book is entitled Proclamation and Theology, and Willimon is a bishop in the United Methodist Church. He plainly got to his position of influence there because of intelligence, learning, grace, and wisdom.

But.

He is in a liberal denomination, surrounded of necessity with all kinds of liberal craziness. The crazies are those who have given way to their sodden premises, like a soaked California hillside. They are all down at the bottom. But even with those who have not given way, and who still have valuable things to say, if you look carefully you can see the softness.

“For instance, amazingly little is said in Scripture about human sexuality. Jesus and his disciples present next to nothing said about their sexual interests, inclinations, or orientations. The conventional response to this curiosity is that Scripture was produced by naive, limited, first-century Jews who did not know that sexuality is the most interesting aspect of a human being — which is what we, in our advanced state of human development, now know. Perhaps Scripture shows little interest in our sexual dilemmas, not because it is primitive and limited in its view of a human being but rather because it is working with a very different view of a human being, a view in which our sexuality is not the supreme defining characteristic of our humanity. Perhaps we, in our present notions of what is important and unimportant, are primitive and limited, not Scripture” (pp. 45-46).

This is very cleverly done. It appears to be taking the side of Scripture over against our current sexual manias, but it is actually creating space for all kinds of moderated manias. Instead of absolutizing the perversions, as the crazies at the bottom of the hill do, it is nevertheless leaving room to normalize them.

But there are three problems.

First, the premise is not true. Scripture says quite a bit about human sexuality. In virtually every list of things that will get the door of the kingdom of God shut in your face, sexual behaviors are there. There they are, slouching in that apostolic police line-up, glaring at the camera. So before you explain the relative absence of sexual normativity in Scripture, you should make sure there is such an absence.

Second, the premise behind this false premise is also false. We do not prioritize how important something is by the word count. Is the prohibition of murder in the Ten Commandments an afterthought because of how few words it takes to express the prohibition? Is covetousness far worse than murder because of the length of the Tenth Commandment? This kind of exegesis by emphasis is the besetting sin of scholars who want to encourage us to overlook the plain meaning of however many texts might be harshing our mellow. “What does the Bible say?” is the real question, not “how many times does it say it, and in what ratios to other sinful stuff?” We are told not to screw the pooch far fewer times than we are told not to gossip, but which is the more heinous sin? How many times is necrophilia mentioned in the Bible? Well, zero would be the correct answer. What does that tell us about how bad it is? This is not a trick question. It tells us nothing.

And last, look at the roominess that is insinuated by Willimon’s quote. “Jesus and his disciples present next to nothing said about their sexual interests, inclinations, or orientations.” It is quietly assumed that they had the full range of options before them, as we have before us now, but they were wise ancients, and so did not get all hyper about it. Andrew had a shoe fetish, but knew that it was only a personal hobby and nothing compared to the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. And Judas, not Iscariot, had a collection of feather boas, which were nothing to him, at least when compared to the glories that will be revealed in the latter day.

If you believe this, I have a bag of glitter I would like to sell you. That, and a bridge in Brooklyn. And some real estate near the Everglades.