Coming of Age and Life Between the Sexes #2

Introduction

It is certainly true that he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Prov. 18:22). This verse also tells us that such a fortunate man has obtained favor from the Lord. But there are other questions that accompany this truth, that arise from it, and they are questions that require solid answers. What kind of a good thing? What kind of favor from the Lord? The answer should be obvious. A very expensive good thing.

We are going to be looking at the husbandly duty of provision, and this is a responsibility that needs to be understood in the bones long before the provision actually has to be supplied.  

The Texts

“A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; But the simple pass on, and are punished” (Proverbs 27:12). “The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; But of every one that is hasty only to want” (Proverbs 21:5). “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; And afterwards build thine house” (Proverbs 24:27). “The simple believeth every word: But the prudent man looketh well to his going” (Proverbs 14:15).

Summary of the Texts

I have gathered a small selection of texts here that emphasize the high value of prudence and diligence. A prudent man is one who looks down the road, sees what is likely to come, and so makes preparations accordingly. The word provide comes from the Latin pro, which means before or ahead, and videre, which means to see. To provide is to see ahead of time, to anticipate, and then to act like you saw. Provision helps you not to be blindsided by the unexpected.

A prudent man anticipates the challenges and prepares accordingly. Simpletons do not, and they pay the price (Prov. 27:12). The diligent man thinks it through, and the hasty do not think it through. That is the difference between plenty and want (Prov. 21:5). Preparations for the future should be ordered or structured rightly. It is not enough to just throw preparations “for everything” into a jumbled-up box (Prov. 24:27). Preparations should go in the right order. And simpletons believe anything on a cursory examination, while the prudent man “looks well” to his going (Prov. 14:15). So heads up. Look well. Look around. Look down the road.

A Short Parable

Suppose I was talking to a young man, around 17-years-old or so. He is a senior in high school, gets good grades, and has a half time job as a barista. He is seeking my advice about a girl he is sweet on, and asks me, “when would be a good time to talk to her dad?” In the middle of the conversation, I appear to change the subject, somewhat abruptly, because I ask him if he would like to drive up to Spokane this weekend, and shop around for a Lexus automobile, meaning one of the high-end models. He looks at me wide-eyed. “Those things cost a lot. Like $40K or something. I am a part-time barista.” “Yes,” I reply. “But you would look cute together.” 

The Zone of Vulnerability

And financial responsibility is just part of it. Looking ahead includes all the other issues as well. Emotional expenditures can be just as costly as monetary ones.

Imagine all the unmarried guys are on one side of the room, and all the unmarried gals on the other side. In between the two groups is a zone which I call the zone of vulnerability. It is defined as the zone which, if you enter, you cannot leave without someone getting hurt. If the couple is way inside the zone, and way tangled up, they cannot get out without both of them being devastated. These crack-ups are often just divorces without the lawyer’s fees.

Also keep in mind that there are instances where a pretty girl smiles at a guy, and he is in the ICU for three days. When he gets out, he is completely in the zone. But that is not a relationship problem. That is what we call a personal problem. That is a different subject for another time.   

But don’t mistake the point. We are designed by God to live within the zone. We are supposed to love, which is to be vulnerable. But God does not want us in there without being tied off with a safety harness. That safety harness is called a covenant. The Scriptures treat marriage as a covenant (Prov. 2:17; Mal. 2:14). But if there is no covenant, you have no business being inside that zone. No business. So guard your heart.    

A Test of Actual Maturity

We are all familiar with the kind of conversation that an older teen frequently has with his or her parents. “Dad, I’m eighteen now, and I think that I should . . .” Now let’s finish that sentence for them. The way it usually goes is that the young person will appeal to their age as a basis for additional privileges. This is baked into the heart of man . . . we always tend to reach for the privileges first. But what would actual Christian maturity do? What would actual maturity ask for? “Dad, as I am eighteen now, I was wondering if I could start contributing something to the car insurance payments . . .” You might want to have your sister standing by in the next room with smelling salts for your mom.

Marriage: the Total Package

A permanent attachment to a husband or wife in marriage is among the greatest earthly blessings that God has given to us. It is a state we should aspire to. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious for marriage. But a mature ambition is ambitious for the total package—for the responsibilities first, and for the privileges that come along with it.

But if a young person is “girl crazy” or “guy crazy,” this is a disposition that is antithetical to any wise relationship. This is a mentality that is only aware of the privileges, mostly tied up with how cute and pleasant the other person is. That is because the privileges are all very visible. They are the only thing that the simpleton sees.   

Christ and the Church

Remember that every married couple has the example of Christ and the Church set before them. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25). Wives, honor your husband the way the Church honors Christ (Eph. 5:22). And this means that all the unmarried young people have the additional blessing of imitating the godly Christian couples throughout our community, imitating them as they imitate Christ (1 Cor. 11:1).

How you marry is part of your Christian discipleship. How you first show interest, how you conduct your first serious conversations, how you interact with her family, how you walk through these months and years is a path that God has prepared for you beforehand (Eph. 2:10). This will include flirting, but only the kind of flirting that could be offered up to God as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1), as something that will glorify Him (1 Cor. 10:31). That would be the kind of flirting that knows where it is going, and that is in hot pursuit of the total package. You don’t want to be like the dog that chases fire trucks, but doesn’t know what to do when it catches one.

Otherwise . . . do not awaken love before the time (Song 2:7). If you are not going to cook the roast, then don’t preheat the oven.