As weddings go, this one is off the beaten path. When I conduct a ceremony for kids just out of college, for example, there are many things that I want to say to them, and about them, and for them. They have a lot to learn, and they have the privilege of learning it all together. That is all part of their marital adventure.
As I thought about what to say in this exhortation today, the virtue I decided to emphasize was the grace of humility. You are both mature adults, and your children have grown. You are both grandparents.
This means, in the very nature of the case, that you have grown accustomed to certain ways of doing things. Your personalities are developed, your characters are established. Your habits run in predictable grooves. Not only so, but it is also the case that your respective families have certain ways of doing things. Some of these patterns are quite good, some of them are neutral, and some of them could stand to be improved. But whether they are good, neutral, or bad, all of them are likely to be different. And that is where grace of humility comes in.
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another” (Rom. 12:10).
In different circumstances, the same virtue can take different forms. In the new situaion where you two are going to be living together, the form that this humility needs to take will be the form of gracious flexibility.
There will be many instances where some issue will come up, and each of you will just do “what you’ve always done.” You didn’t even need to think about it, or talk about it. You didn’t even notice that you did it . . . but the other will have noticed. This is for the simple reason that if he or she had reacted first, they would not have noticed, but you would have.
In short, the chances are excellent that you will bump into each other, and not just occasionally. You will each need to budget for the fact that this is just how it is, this being something that comes with the territory.
And that means you need to make a point of not despising the changing of plans. When you discover that the other person was astonished by what just happened, you need to put on a flexibility garment. And the spouse who was surprised by what just happened needs to not be offended that the other needs to go find their flexibility garment.
Phil, my charge to you is this. You need to adopt this spirit of flexible humility, but you must do it in a way that does not relinquish your responsibility to function as the genuine spiritual head of your home. Humility is not the same thing as docility or slackness. Meekness is not weakness.
Larissa, my charge to you is this. The virtue I am emphasizing is the same virtue for the two of you, but you will wear it differently. Phil will need to go put on a flexibility coat. He needs to be humble, but also authoritative. You need to be humble, but also . . . submissive. He wears a Carhart, while you need to go put on a flexibility sun dress.
This one virtue will bind husband and wife together in a glorious way.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.