In His teaching on marriage, the Lord Jesus went all the way back to the beginning—the beginning of history, the beginning of the human race, and the beginning of Scripture. He refers to the authoritative design of God that is described for us in the very first chapter of the Bible. This is what the Word of God says there:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”Genesis 1:27 (KJV)
Jesus refers to this foundational reality when He was asked about the tangled subject of divorce. Notice what He says. Pay close attention to how He puts it:
“But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”Mark 10:6–9 (KJV)
Jesus points to the activity and intention of God in two places. One is what God did in the created order, when He designed the human race in two halves, male and female. God created man in His own image, and that one mankind, that image, came in two pieces—male and female. Just as a lock and a key are one mechanism, and a violin and a bow are one instrument, so also Adam and Eve were one by design. They were one by creational design, even before they came together in marriage. This was the plan and purpose of God. The violin was designed and made as one instrument, even before any music is played.
But that brings us to the second action that God performs. When a man leaves his father and mother, Jesus says, and is joined together with his wife, that constitutes an action by God. God is the one who joined them together, and this is why Jesus said that man has no authority to separate or divide what God has joined.
Now this means that God completed His work of creation when He rested on the seventh day, but He continues to work providentially down through the course of all human history. God is here with us today, and He is the one who is joining this man together with this woman. God did not just design humanity to be able to join, although He did that. God did not just bring Eve to Adam, presenting her to him for them to come together, although He did that also. God has joined every husband to every wife in the entire history of the world. This is the work of God.
So the mere fact of the human race being made up of two sexes is the result of God’s creative act. And the additional fact of a particular man being joined together with an individual woman is another action of God’s. He is the one who makes the one flesh union into a tangible thing in the covenantal and spiritual realm.
But there has been an additional complication. The fall of our first parents into sin and death marred this beautiful picture . . . but did not eradicate it. Since that time, our sin and sinfulness has made it easy for us to misunderstand what was going on, and there have been many attempts to bend the creational reality into some other shape. We didn’t want to take violin lessons. There has been a lot of willful destruction in the life between the sexes.
But God is sovereign and is not one to be outdone by the impudence of sinful man. He determined that He would send His Son to earth to lay down His life for His people, and He would do this as a bridegroom securing a blood dowry for His bride. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel that centers on the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That is the gospel. But we need to remember that the gospel is the message of how Christ purchased His bride.
This means that marital dislocations—one of the first places our sinfulness shows up—can be answered by means of God’s redemptive love. He intends for us to answer it, which is why He instructs husbands to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. We have been forgiven and are summoned to follow His example. This is why He instructs wives to respect and honor their husbands, the same way that the church looks up to Christ. Husbands are to model the gospel of Christ, and wives are to model our response to the gospel of Christ. All of this is quite glorious, and even happily married couples never quite get to the end of it.
Luther, in this marriage you have taken the initiative. We are here today because you proposed. Now as I just mentioned, your example is the pattern set by the Lord Jesus. This means that it is your responsibility to continue to take the initiative. This is to be an ongoing reality. You don’t just ask the lady to dance, you continue to lead throughout the dance. Too many husbands take just enough initiative to get themselves married, but then they flake. In contrast to this, masculine initiative needs to be a characteristic of your life. This is what it means to be an ongoing husband.
Esther, it is also the case that we are here today because you said yes. Your husband initiates, and it is your vocation now to respond to him. This means that you must be responsive in an ongoing way. You need to be attuned to him. He extends his hand, and you must take it. He bows, and you curtsey. He initiates and you respond. This is what some people like to call oppression, but it is more to the point to see it as a ballroom dance.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.