Kellen and Noai

We have gathered here in order to witness a solemn exchange of vows. This is because a wedding ceremony is a ceremony that is structured around a mutually binding oath. This is fully scriptural—the Bible describes marriage as a covenant, and covenants are formed and ratified by vows.

In Prov. 2:17, the faithless wife who forsakes the companion of her youth is described as forgetting the covenant of her God. And in Malachi, where it is the husbands who were faithless, the prophet describes how God refused to answer their prayers because of their false treatment of their wives “by covenant” (Mal. 2:14).

A covenant is a solemn bond, sovereignly administered, with attendant blessings and curses. That is in fact what a covenant is, but we need to take care not to get off on the wrong foot with this. We too often assume that covenants, vows, oaths, etc. are simply a function of the fact that we live in a sinful word. Infidelity and divorce occur, and so we think that we have to do something to guard against such tragedies and failings, and so that is why we have vows.

There is a small measure of truth in this. One function of vows is to help us deal with a world in which there are disputes. “For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation” (Heb. 6:16, ESV).

But if this is the only thing we are doing here, why are weddings so happy? This is because wedding oaths are far more than simple safety harnesses. Much more is going on than that. These vows are weighty, but they are not chains. These vows are momentous, and those who make them should be awestruck by the privilege—by the joyful privilege. We do live in a sinful world, but vows such as these are far more than a simple defensive measure against the world’s attacks. Middle English had a word to describe an occasion like this—the word was solempne. It referred to an occasion that was in equal measure grave and joyful. The occasion is grave because the task is monumental, and the occasion is joyful because the outcome is certain.

If vows only needed to be taken by treacherous sinners, then why does God Himself swear? “For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you”” (Heb. 6:13–14, ESV). Notice two things together here—swearing and blessing. He swears so that Abraham would know the certainty of the blessing.

So yes, an oath might be taken by someone whose yes might not mean yes, or whose no might not mean no (Matt. 5:37). But an oath might also be taken by a saving God, a God who wanted to declare that unparalleled blessings were going to come to His people, and He was a God who wanted them to have an absolute assurance of that fact.

Our God is a covenant-keeping God, and we have no higher privilege than the privilege of imitating Him in this through Christ Jesus. We have gathered here in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and we are humbled to be called by His name. But there are two kinds of humility, a false and a true. False humility crawls like a dog that has been beat too much. False humility is craven. False humility is pride in a fetal position. What then is true humility? True humility stands as tall as it can, but with its back against a wall that is infinitely high. We must know our place, but our place is finding the image of God being restored in us. Marriage is a marvelous part of this project.

And so we have gathered to hear you take your vows. You are standing straight as you do so, man and woman in Christ, and God is present here in the person of His Spirit, and He delights in what you are doing. We know we are miniscule dots on a fleck of a planet, swirling in an obscure corner of the cosmos, and yet, because of Christ, we can laugh at all the stars. We court, and win, and marry, and toast, and dance, and make love, and other beings who will live forever—everlastingly, world without end—will soon be crawling around on your living room floor. It should be enough to make you laugh out loud. Vows understood this way are fruitful. Vows understood this way are instruments that accomplish a very great work. But they are an instrument that must be bound to yourself.

Kellen, you are explicitly called to imitate the Lord Jesus in His love for His bride. We are here, as the colloquial expression has it, to “tie the knot.” But this is not synonymous with tying you down. Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church in Ephesians 5. In the next chapter, he tells all Christians to put on the full armor of God. That is what you are doing when you take these vows—you are buckling them on. It is the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, and so on. Paul’s treatment of this is taken from Isaiah 59, where the Lord is the one being described as strapping on all this armor, and he was doing so to “bring salvation” (Is. 59:16). In short, these vows do not just prevent you from doing certain things. It is far more important to note that they equip you to do certain things.

Noai, you also are summoned to great things. The famous woman at the conclusion of Proverbs does many things, but the one thing she does that enables her to do them all is that “she girds herself with strength” (Prov. 31:17). Strength is weighty, but it is not dead weight. Strength must be bound to yourself, but it hinders you in nothing that is worthwhile. It equips you. Your calling differs from Kellen’s calling, but it is just as noble, and if you bind wisdom to yourself, as Scripture calls us to do, you will be strengthened for every good work.

The reason we are rejoicing here today is because we know that God loves to do things this way. We are here in His will, and under His pleasure. And in just a moment, I will help you on with your vows.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.