One of the things we know about God from Scripture is that He is the consummate matchmaker. He created the very idea of matches in the Garden when He established marriage. He gave life to Adam, and then gave a wife to Adam. He made the whole enterprise possible, in other words.
And the Lord Jesus teaches us that the first couple were not just a couple of individuals who happened to be first, but were in fact a template that God had established for all future couples (Matt 19:5-6). This means that if God was the matchmaker for the first couple, and He was, it was His intention that He would also be the one who brings all downstream couples together. Jesus says that God is the one who joins a couple together.
Proverbs also tells us that when it comes to the question of a man and a woman coming together, God can really be the only one who knows what is going on.
“There be three things which are too wonderful for me, Yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; The way of a serpent upon a rock; The way of a ship in the midst of the sea; And the way of a man with a maid” (Prov. 30:18–19).
The way of a man with a maid. Nobody gets that except for God. The wisdom literature of Scripture, of which this is a part, tells us in countless ways that God is the complete master of all that He created, and that we can only master enough of it to be overwhelmed by it. We have been given the opportunity to experience the wonder of married love, and when this happens we understand just enough of it to know that we grasp virtually nothing.
The writer of the proverb above knew that this was too wonderful for him. But it is to his credit that he knew that much.
And we are not left to inferences. The Bible teaches us this directly as well. “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: And a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14).
And so here we are. God’s hand is in this. God is not simply an omniscient spectator, witnessing the vows—although He does witness the vows. God is also the one who orchestrated all of this.
He uses agents, and loves to deputize men and women to act on His behalf. The father of the bride gives the bride away, but he is acting as a proxy. God gives the bride away. The father of the groom brings up a son who is capable of leaving his father and mother, taking a wife, and becoming one flesh with her. But God is the one who brought up that son. The mother of the bride and the mother of the groom are the givers of life—there would be no bride and groom without them. But God is the giver of life.
Centuries ago, Thomas Traherne observed that the goodness of God was displayed in all of the common marvels. We know that God is good, and that He is lavish with His goodness. We of course see His goodness in diamonds and gold, but their rarity often causes us to miss something. Sweet oxygen covers the planet. Water is everywhere. Green vegetation spreads over everything. Seeds go into the ground and multiply themselves disproportionately. Food rises up to us out of the dirt. More stars than we can count adorn the night sky above us. Because we see such things all the time, everywhere we go, we have the misfortune of losing sight of them.
Marriage is just such a marvel. But—let us be honest—there have been billions of them. Weddings happen a lot. Marriage is part of God’s omnipresent goodness, and so we call it names like ordinary. We think it is common, which it is, for we see marriages everywhere, but there is something uncommon as well. But the reason we don’t see how extraordinary it all is, is because something else is also everywhere. That something else is sin.
Scripture uses many metaphors for sin, but one of them is blindness. When the Lord comes to save us, then “the eyes of the blind shall be opened” (Is. 35:5). But this is not something that opens our eyes to be able to see just one thing. Nor is it intended as something that enables us to see a bunch of things, only really blurry. When Jesus healed the man who was blind, he initially saw “men as trees walking” (Mark 8:24). Jesus wasn’t satisfied with this and touched him again. He wanted him to see.
Jed, as you enter into the married state, this is your charge. I want you to see. I want you to set an example for your wife in what it means to see. See God in His Word, see Christ in the gospel, and see the Spirit who is active throughout the world. See. I want you to see how amazing the world is, and what a tremendous blessing it is to be spiritually alive in that world. I want you to see the church in your wife, and to see the gospel in all she does in her love for you. As you see the Lord’s love for the church in your bride, you will love her as Christ loved the church, and you will give yourself up for her. See, love, give.
Sophie, one of the things that Jed needs to learn how to see is his own glory, and he cannot rightly see it anywhere except in you. Scripture teaches that you are called to be that glory, and so your charge is to be glorious. This is not an excuse for vanity, but rather to step into the role God has ordained for you. It is quite a role. I said earlier that God is the matchmaker here, which means that God handpicked you to be the glory of this man. One of the things that wives are called to do is make their husbands look good—a high and daunting challenge, certainly. Be seen as glory, respect and love in return, and give in return.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing.