We live in a time of great confusion when it comes to the subject of marriage, the nature of marriage, the definition of marriage. As the people of God, since we seem to be attending weddings a lot, and because a biblical understanding of marriage is under assault in our generation, we should take these times as a wonderful opportunity for reminding ourselves of the basics.
One of the most difficult things for the modern carnal mind to understand is how the biblical teaching of headship and submission in marriage is consistent with the biblical teaching of man and woman as equals before God, together bearing the image of God (Gen.1:27). This makes no sense to the unbelieving mind, because they always think of such things in terms of power and coercion. But Jesus, our supreme example, is fully equal to God the Father, and yet He did not consider His equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant (Phil. 2:7). In Christian theology, true submission is not inconsistent with true equality. The two go together most harmoniously, the same way a man and a woman are designed to go together.
But let’s look at Genesis. This truth is not imposed on the first pages of the Bible by later theologians. Part of the reason for doing it this way is that I know that both of you have a heart for mission, and mission, like marriage, is established and defined in Genesis. Wherever God takes you, whether here or elsewhere, I know you will share a heart for mission.
God established what is called the cultural mandate in the first chapters of the Bible, telling us to increase and multiply, replenishing the earth (Gen. 1:28). After the Flood, He does the same thing again, telling Noah to act the part of a new Adam (Gen. 9:7). The same basic idea is picked up and transformed in the New Testament, in the Great Commission that Jesus bestowed upon the church (Matt. 28:19). But in all of this, marriage is key, and marriage must be rightly understood in order for the key to turn.
Consider how the creation account treats the man and the woman together, on the same level. This is how one commentator itemizes it. They are both image bearers of God (Gen. 1:27). They are both given stewardship over the creation, as can be seen in the plural verbs used in the creation mandate (Gen. 1:28). Third, we mark the expression suitable helper in the next chapter (Gen. 2:18). Next we see that woman was created from Adam’s side, not from his foot (Gen. 2:22). And when Adam was introduced to Eve, he accepted her as bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh (Gen. 2:23). And last, we see the companionship that is assumed in all marriages in the next verses (Gen. 2:24-25).
But that is not all we find. In the same creation account, we see equally clear indications of genuine authority and submission. First, the man and woman were not created simultaneously, but rather consecutively (1 Tim. 2:23). Second, the woman was created to fill up a lack in the man’s experience, and not the other way around (1 Cor. 11:9). Third, the woman was created out of the man, and not the other way (1 Cor. 11:8, 12). Next, the woman was presented to the man by God, and not the other way (Gen. 2:22). Fifth, the man responded to this gift with a poetic blessing, and not the other way around (Gen. 2:23). And last, the woman was named by the man. She did not name him (Gen. 2:23).
How are we supposed to bring all this together? The same way that God has done—in poetry. Chesterton once provided a wonderful echo of God’s wisdom in a poem called Comparisons. He said this:
If I set the sun beside the moon,
And if I set the land beside the sea,
And if I set the town beside the country,
And if I set the man beside the woman,
I suppose some fool would talk about one being better.
Daniel, God has brought Amanda into your life as your delight, and your task—as you provide for her and protect her—is that of providing for your delight, and protecting your delight. The apostle Paul says that he who loves his wife loves himself. These are true words, and they are words that every husband needs to take down into the depths of his very soul. Men are good at taking things for granted. They are good at assuming that any happiness they may have wandered into is “just the way things are.” But no—marriage is a covenant gift. This delight is a covenant delight. And from Genesis to Revelation, covenants have terms and conditions. In a moment, we are going to exchange covenant vows. You will be vowing, before God and these witnesses, that you will jealously guard your happiness and joy. Her name is Amanda.
Amanda, you are good at lighting things up. One of Daniel’s great virtues is that he is a serious man. But one of the challenges that comes with being serious that is that of being . . . serious. Working for six days is good, and is our calling, but then comes the Sabbath. Daniel is a hard worker, and you have now arrived as his Sabbath, dressed all in white. God has looked down on Daniel with great favor, and as a result of His grace and favor He has given him . . . you. You were walked into this sanctuary by your father, and this was a glorious emblem of how it is actually God the Father who is giving you away. Your charge is this: be that gift to a glad recipient. His name is Daniel.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.
Absolutely Awesome. What a blessing.