In one way, it is very easy to have a Christian wedding, and to establish a Christian marriage. What you need to do is obtain a Christian church for the ceremony, make sure the service has a Christian liturgy, and is formally done in the name of Jesus, get a Christian minister to officiate, and so on. In this sense, Christian weddings are not that hard to pull off.
But there is another kind of Christian wedding, another kind of Christian marriage, and that is when two Christians, born again by the Spirit of God, come together in a glorious embodiment of the gospel. In order to establish this kind of Christian marriage, the Son of God had to die. And in order to make it possible for this kind of Christian marriage to work, the Son of God had to come back from the dead. Although there are many Christian marriages in this sense, it is no routine thing. It was not an easy thing to establish in a world like ours.
Jesus did the most difficult thing that has ever been done by any man, and because He successfully did it, we are able to gather here today rejoicing. He was promised by His Father that He would see the travail of His soul and be satisfied, and He has seen it, and He is in fact satisfied. He died so that we might be able to do things like this.
Now all of this was sheer gift, inexpressible grace, overflowing kindness. We did not deserve it, we could not earn it, and we had done a great deal to forfeit it. When we receive this grace—new life in Christ—we come to realize that this new life in Christ encompasses our lives together in Christian marriage, our lives together as regenerated men and women. The life we live in response to this grace is a life of gratitude. That is the order—that is the pattern. Grace, and then gratitude.
Now what does this gratitude look like, and what does it look like in marriage? The personal motto of the great Reformer John Calvin was this: “I offer my heart to you, Lord, promptly and sincerely.”
I want to focus on those last three words—promptly and sincerely. The psalmist said that we should look to God the way a handmaid looks to the fingers of her mistress, looking for the slightest motion that might indicate that she should obey right away, immediately, promptly. “Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; So our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us” (Ps. 123:2). And the apostle Paul says: “Grace be with all them that love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen” (Eph. 6:24). There it is—promptly and sincerely.
Now the Bible tells us that we manifest our love for Him through love of our neighbor. “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” (1 John 4:20).
One of the things that marriage does—among many others—is that it creates a new neighbor, a very close neighbor. Each one of you is having this happen. And of course we know the two great commands of God are to love Him, and to love our neighbor. How are we to love our neighbor? Here it is—promptly and sincerely.
A husband should not only love his wife, he should do so with alacrity. A wife should not only respect and esteem her husband, she should do so immediately. When opportunities come up to love your spouse, which they will do daily, a lot of trouble can come in if you project a demeanor of “let me think about it.”
How prompt? How sincere? Since all of us notice delayed reactions in others, even if the delay is milliseconds, it should be obvious that preparation to love in this way has to be a matter of preparation beforehand, decisions before the fact, prayer before the fact. But there is a real treasure to be found here. Nothing projects genuine care like immediacy.
Dane, your vocation is one in which it is necessary for you to focus, to get in the zone, to go all in. All your attention, all your interest, all your energy is being poured into that video project you are editing. Well, guess what? You are this day being ushered into a world of interruptions, and if you have heard me correctly, it is a world of higher priority interruptions. And how are you to come out of your zone? That’s right—promptly and sincerely. One thing to help you do this is the observation that she, and then later the kids, are not interrupting a man’s way of being productive. They are merely interrupting a bachelor’s way of being productive. And to those days you are now bidding farewell because you have decided that a bachelor’s way of being productive is for the birds. This new way of doing it is far more fruitful and productive in the long run. But a key to that future fruitfulness is the phrase promptly and sincerely.
Chantelle, you are called to the same demeanor of prompt sincerity, but with a different orientation. You are committing yourself today to follow Dane’s leadership, promptly and sincerely. He knows full well that he is marrying a wise woman, and so he will want to have your thoughtful input in the course of making decisions. He had better. There will be decisions he delegates to you, there will be decisions you will make together, a multitude of those, and the occasional decision where he will have to decide because a deadline has arrived, and the two of you have not come to an agreement. In all these situations, your responses to him should be immediate, just as his responses to you should be immediate. You give your counsel promptly. You give your submission sincerely.
There are great treasures for you both hidden away in the seconds right after any “situation” arises. In your times of prayer together, from the very beginning of your marriage, I would exhort you to incorporate the expressed desire that you would not only love one another, but that you would do it quickly. Not only that you would defer to one another, but that you would do it immediately. Not only that you would offer the kindness of Christ to one another, but that you would do it promptly and sincerely.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.
If you want to see an example of a servant (employee) looking unto the hand of his master (employer), watch this video of Trump’s pilot on his 757.
https://youtu.be/VwIcxbM7rHc
Good luck kids!????????
I love how the man only gets a say on the occasional decision, everything else is basically run by the wife…
Also the wife got permission to interrupt and not support her husband for his entire life
Poor Dane
Unless he is a slave to his wife he will be seen as a bad husband…
Men of the bible would be laughing at this nonsense!
BDash76, try reading that part again.
yes and basically on most things the man needs permission ( wife’s counsel) to do anything. men need to flee from all this nonsense taught by complement-whatevers… I have heard these types of sermons over and over and the message just does not work in Paul or Timothy’s time…
I don’t think it is quite that bad. Permission and counsel are different things; think of it in terms of a president and his advisers. The wife may have more time than her husband does to be monitoring the stock market or the best deal in homeowners insurance. The submissive wife does not demand that her advice be followed, and she offers it in a gentle manner. But I think that one of the benefits of marriage is having an intelligent partner give a thoughtful opinion when asked.
to a woman permission and counsel are the same- no wife could say they are different with a straight face!
You’re reading a rebellious dynamic where none is expressed. I’m pretty sure Doug is okay with patriarchy. Calm down.
BDash does seem more than a little worked up over the whole thing. Maybe he has seen how this works from the inside, and that is what he is responding to. Assuming you are right, that Doug is “okay with patriarchy.” How far is he willing to take that? BDash figures, or so it seems, that he’s already taken it as far as he ever will; and not without reason. Doug writes to the wife, “…he will want to have your thoughtful input in the course of making decisions. He had better.” The three-word warning is likely the main point.… Read more »
Any man who is so arrogant, so incapable of having the humility to actually receive his wife’s input on some level, has really cooked his own goose. Women are an extra pair of eyes, a resource, a gift. To be so insecure,so disrespectful,that one actually perceives women with such fear is a sign of weakness and wounding that no woman can ever fix.
Of course, ME. No sane man would marry a woman if he didn’t want her input. The point, though, is the ubiquitous disrespect shown toward men by pastors.
Ah, here’s the logic, then:
1. Disrespect by pastors for men is ubiquitous.
2. Doug said something that is actually not disrespectful toward men.
3. But since disrespect is ubiquitous, Doug must actually have meant something other than what he said, because he could only have meant something disrespectful. Further, it doesn’t matter that Doug’s consistent pattern is different from this, because disrespect toward men is ubiquitous among pastors.
Yes, but, Jane dear, is it very feminine to be so logical?
“the ubiquitous disrespect shown toward men by pastors…” I’ve heard rumors of such things, but I’ve never seen it myself, not once. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, I just think it’s very rare. On the other hand not long ago some men were deeply offended by a sermon on 1 Corinthians 13 because they thought it was critical towards them and implied they weren’t loving enough. So who’s fault is that? The pastor’s? Scripture? Of course not. Scripture doesn’t “owe” any of us respect. So if one is feeling “disrespected by scripture,” than we should turn to God and… Read more »
I’m going to give Doug the credit of meaning what he said and saying what he meant. And what he said is that the husband had better want to have her thoughtful input, not that he had better whatever what she wants.
Why don’t you want to give Doug that much credit?
The primary reason for my comment was Farinata’s dismissal of BDash. My interest was in elevating BDash’s comment (that was apparently born of frustration) to the level of being taken seriously. Whether it appears in the text or not, BDash believes he sees something. Whether we like it or not, that is the reality of communication. Things are often included or excluded for reasons that are not always easy to see. If I give Doug the credit that you suggest, it means that BDash is discredited. There is no better place to see the destructive nature of groupthink, than in… Read more »
Why is it a better idea to discredit the credibility of a pastor who has demonstrated his biblical thoughtfulness over the issues involved in marriage for decades, than to accept as non-credible an anonymous character who is constantly throwing slings and arrows against that pastor on the flimsiest of pretexts? It is not groupthink to judge between the two and decide one’s position is more defensible than the other’s. If you feel forced to make the choice, I think opting for Bdash is a strange one, unless your concern for “groupthink” is greater than your concern for reasonably judging the… Read more »
My purpose was not to discredit Doug. It was to raise that possibility that BDash may have a valid point somewhere in the reckless statements that he made. My underlying concern in all this, is in how these things manifest themselves in pastoral counseling, not in what gets said on this blog. It is important not to conflate the two.
But the trouble is that he is objecting to what was not said. Sure, I agree that situation you reference is bad management by the leadership. But as that’s not what’s in view here, it’s frivolous to use it as a basis to attack Doug. There is a ditch on both sides of the road, and the marital relationship is complicated. It’s all “yes-buts” with lots of adverbs Yes the husband leads. But he leads like Christ, gently, with compassion and by sacrifice. Yes the wife submits. But not as a slave: neither silently resentful nor mindlessly subservient. Wise husbands… Read more »
I think the pre-marriage discernment process should be long enough for a bridegroom to assess his bride’s incendiary tendencies. If you marry a very foolish woman, it will be difficult to listen to her advice. That is an argument against marrying a fool, not against seeking your wife’s counsel. I don’t see the “he had better” as meaning that if he doesn’t, his wife and pastor will make his life a misery. I think it means that a good leader seeks advice from those who may have relevant expertise and whose lives will be affected by his decisions.
our culture is naturally rebellious…
I’ll go further than that: our very nature is rebellious. But that does not mean that any and all products thereof are ipso facto rebellious to the maximum degree. Especially not when you include the sanctifying effects of grace.
hopefully Dane realises that he is not his wife’s slave and behaving like most “christian” husbands is not christian and emasculating
Yes, hopefully he will read Doug’s words and realize that.
“You give your counsel promptly. You give your submission sincerely.”
That’s a winning combination that really works. All in good fun here, but you simply give your council and when they ignore you, you cheerfully help them clean up their mess. I jest a bit, but that’s really what the essence of love is all about.
Doug, I’m going to suggest that for these wedding exhortations you turn the comments off. The bride and groom will almost certainly see the comments, perhaps even on the honeymoon. And I know it would have bothered me and my wife to have seen such a public, um, “discussion” about our special day as I see here.
Also, they’re not adding anything constructive.
Well, I always thought we should get married wearing a suit of armor and armed to the hilt, because the moment you get married it is a bit like going into battle,NOT with one another, but against the world at large,hopefully as allies because that makes you so much stronger.