“The landscaped slopes on either side of the broad steps were covered with junipers, which Rourke had long considered to be the orcs of the plant kingdom. The automatic sprinklers on a timer were busily spritzing them, which just made them wet, botanical orcs.”
Panic All the Way Down
“But this was panic on stilts and steroids. This was a prison riot. The noise from that isolated chamber down below few more insistent. A metal cup raked across the bars. Guards! And somewhere farther up, unseen clammy hands were industriously attaching a nylon strap and winch around the upper portion of Chad’s chest and ratcheting it tight”
To Music We Can’t Hear
“Sunbeams streamed through the slats of the well-adjusted blinds, spotlighting tiny motes wrapping up a hard day of dancing”
Mixed Responses
“How can I protect myself was the interrogative thought of the hour floating around in the about seven of the minds present, although one of the earthier elders, Kenneth by name—not that it matters—was expressing it to himself in terms of covering his white little evangelical hinder parts. The remaining four elders were confident of their pastor’s innocence for all the normal reasons, and they looked at him expectantly, waiting for the next reassuring evangelical cliché, like so many show poodles waiting for their treat”
A Mistake That Has Been Made More Than Once
“Chad had been all aura then—charisma, smiles, and eyes that penetrated what you thought at first was your soul, but then just turned out to be your clothes”
The Problem is That It Won’t Stay
“Apart from his detestation of Lester, there was also the pastoral folly of counseling drunks. He had learned that lesson years before—like sweeping water uphill.”
Impatience Notices
“Chad was being a little bit slower on the motor skills front, and so John waited patiently for him. And by ‘waited patiently,’ John had been a pastor long enough to know it meant he was actually waiting impatiently. Whenever he was waiting patiently, he didn’t notice that he was waiting patiently, and John was noticing.”
No, Not That Kind of War Song
“[Deidre] was a solo-obsessed soprano in their makeshift choir and was always calling with criticisms of the choir director disguised as prayer requests. Mitchell’s mother had always called church choirs the war department. Luther once said that when Satan fell, he fell into the choir loft.”
Not What’s Done
“As a conscientious pastor, John regretted having given a fellow clergyman a black eye. Not entirely intentional, more a confluence of events that was larger than everybody involved. But still, hardly what he had learned in seminary.”
Evangellyfish, opening lines, p. 9
A Reasonable Point, I Think
“This is as good a place as any to insist that all the characters in Evangellyfish are fictional, and I made them up out of my own head. Any resemblance to any real people, living or dead, is their own darn fault. If they quit acting like that, the resemblance would cease immediately and we wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
Evangellyfish, front matter