The Scriptures are given to us as light in a dark world. They are given to us as a description of God’s way, when our ways of doing things are usually quite different, and obviously not for the better. That difference accounts for all of the unhappiness around us. It accounts for all the wars, all the bitter arguments, all the unhappy marriages, and every other form of relational misery. The Scriptures describe how God is, and a catalog of our miseries accurately describes how we are. Our estrangement from the life of God results in relational death. Scripture sets before us two ways—the way of life and the way of death. As followers of the Lord, it is our privilege to model and exhibit the way of life in all our relationships—and the central relationship in which this should be done is the relationship between husband and wife.
The way of death has distinctive features. The world is filled with people who keep track of the status of their relationships with others, all others, by means of keeping score. Keeping score, keeping track, is the ongoing source of envy, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, and so on. This tendency is evident in every relationship, and this unfortunately does not exclude the relationship between husband and wife. As much as it would be nice to believe that the love that brings a young couple to the altar is a love that will automatically preserve them from unhappiness later on, this is sadly not the case.
The sun and moon complement one another, but they are not keeping score. The sea and the dry land are two different kinds of glory, and they are not competing with one another. Two harmonious chords are not struggling one against another for supremacy. And so a man and wife must learn, in Christ, how to not keep score . . . unless it is in their Scrabble games. And even there it might not be a good idea, depending. The apostle Paul says that love does not keep a record of wrongs, and this is just another way of saying that love does not engage in complicated bookkeeping. Love does not maintain a running tally of what the other has done wrong. The way of forgiveness means you keep your erasers clean, and you use them all the time. Forbear with one another, forgive one another.
As Christians, we are charged to live in a way that stands against the world’s way of being petty. We are equipped and tasked with the challenge of learning how to model God’s way of life, instead of the world’s way. This is a Christian wedding—not simply because it is occurring in a Christian church, or because a Christian minister is officiating. This is a Christian wedding, in addition to those factors, because the vows that are being exchanged are between two sincere followers of Jesus Christ, in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
That being the case, the reminder here at this wedding is that we all have to learn how to live in the world without constantly keeping score, without our ceaseless bookkeeping. In the world’s way of doing things, blessings come and go, but grudges accumulate. They accumulate everywhere people are in relationship, and the only way to keep them from accumulating is to model a life of forgiveness that is based on how God in Christ has forgiven us. As Scripture says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” Eph. 4:32). In Colossians, husbands are told not to be bitter against their wives (Col. 3:19). Where would such bitterness come from, if not from keeping tallies, keeping score?
In every marriage, occasions to not live this way are plentiful. In fact, many couples who marry discover that the godliness they enjoyed while single was not as sturdy as they may have assumed. Marriage is a great blessing and, as such, opportunities to abuse or neglect the blessing increase with it.
So Samuel, the Word tells you to model for a watching world what the love of Jesus Christ for the Church actually looks like. There are many ways to describe this, but the very center of the description is that of glad sacrifice. One aspect of this that is apparently dissimilar from the love of Jesus is the fact that you will often have to sacrifice your pride by seeking forgiveness. Jesus was the perfect and sinless one, so He is therefore the only one who could repent perfectly, and, as such, the only one who never needed to repent. How can you imitate Him here? The only one who could do it right is the only one who never needed to do it. But even here, God has not left us without a model, without an example. It is quite striking that the ministry of Jesus begins with Him being baptized by John the Baptist, and John’s baptism is a baptism of repentance. The incongruity was not lost on John—he objected, saying that Jesus ought to be baptizing him. But Jesus began His ministry by identifying with sinners, and He did this by showing them how to repent. Samuel, even though Jesus never sinned, you can still follow Him when in comes to humbling yourself to your wife, admitting that you were in fact in the wrong. This is particularly hard for men to do, and they need to do it far more often than they are willing to say. As you are establishing the way of forgiveness as the culture of your home, you should do it by setting this example. Don’t let any sins become your darlings and, if they do, sacrifice your darlings. If you want everyone in your home to be tender and humble, then show them how.
Kelsie, as Samuel leads the way in this, follow him eagerly. As a husband sets this kind of example, if he sees his wife answer him immediately, and in the same spirit, he will be greatly encouraged in the way of forgiveness. A man bows and a woman curtsies, but they are both doing the same dance. A man leads, and a woman responds, but they are doing the same thing. In this case, with this example, he initiates with seeking forgiveness and with extending it, and you are to respond by giving forgiveness and by seeking it. But both are living the way of forgiveness. Both are creating a home full of forgiveness, and this gives your home a distinctive and godly aroma.
For the two of you, a home in which godly forgiveness reigns is a home in which no one is keeping score. You are not competing against one another. In just a few moments, you are going to be declared husband and wife, which means that you will be declared to be one. And if there is one thing that can be said about that word one, it is that it doesn’t allow anyone to keep score very well.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.