Weddings are a wonderful way of proclaiming the gospel. Many aspects of the gospel are on display in weddings, and can be seen there in their true glory. Sometimes, when we merely talk about the gospel, we can get tangled up in definitions. When that happens, some people react away from those definitions as though they were somehow ugly—but when we see them in action, as we do in weddings, we see that they are actually strikingly beautiful. We often are enabled to see what we are talking about, and when this happens we can learn how to speak of it in ways that are as lovely as the reality.
Now one of the glories of the gospel is the fact that the righteousness of Jesus Christ is imputed to His people. We do not earn our salvation. Far from meriting His kindness, we have actually forfeited it. If there is any talk of merit, it must be in the category of demerit. But despite this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. More than that, He rose again. And we have of course heard this many times, but what does it mean? It means that whatever God has given to Jesus Christ is also given to us, His people. He is given the title and name of Christ, and so we are given the name of Christian. He died and was buried, which means that we also died to sin and were buried. He came back from the dead, which means that we also came back from the dead, and the life we live in the body we live by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave Himself up for us. All these things were credited or imputed to us. We did not die outside Jerusalem on a cross the same way that Jesus did. We did not come back from the grave the same way that He did. And yet, all that He did, all that He was ever given, and all that He accomplished, is simply credited to our account. Why? Because we are His bride.
In one of the older wedding services, during the exchange of rings, the bride and groom say to each other, “with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.” But when they say that, they are not actually exchanging their worldly goods, but rather a ring that is a token of that much larger gift. We don’t have a notary public up here, stamping the papers. There is no wireless electrical field, with digital bank transfers occurring. Actually, there is some electricity here, but not the bank transfer kind. And yet, despite this, the bride and groom actually are bestowing on one another. They are doing this in the context of the wedding ritual, and the bestowal is made by means of an imputation.
In just a few moments, I will announce that the bride and groom are husband and wife. Right now they are the bride and groom, and not husband and wife. But when the vows and rings are exchanged, they will become husband and wife. I am here in this ceremony as a minister to witness what is happening, and to testify to it. But I do not have priestly powers in this—I do not zap them so that they become husband and wife. Rather, the vows are said, and the reality simply occurs—by means of an imputation.
When Jesus Christ took His bride, and He said that “with all my heavenly goods, I thee endow,” that meant that we as Christians took on His name and His riches. Foremost among those riches we may count the gift of His righteousness, a bestowal that completely cancels out our unrighteousness. And that is the basis of all forgiveness in this world.
Justin, there are two kinds of people in the world—those who give offense and those who take it. There are also men and women . . . but I repeat myself. You are about to discover, and may have been discovering already, that things that used to fly with your roommates won’t fly at all now. You may discover that jokes that used to be funny aren’t funny any more, and that your world has been completely and unalterably transformed. You will feel this way because it has been.
The apostle Peter tells husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding, bestowing honor on them as the weaker vessel. We frequently miss Peter’s point because we were distracted by the fact that he said “weaker vessel,” which we take as insulting. Because of that we miss that Peter is telling husbands to honor their wives, and we think it is not an honor to have someone kindly overlook the fact of your inferiority. Perhaps we should rethink this. There are forms of weakness that are a sign of great value, and not a sign of inferiority. You don’t want either of your linebackers to be frail, but you do want an expensive china tea set to be frail. You could protect your tea set forever by getting one made out of stainless steel—but if you did that, it wouldn’t be nearly as valuable. Peter is telling husbands that they are to stand up for their wives, and open doors, and step aside for them, not because the wife is an invalid and we should all feel sorry for her. Rather, he says this because only a husband who honors his wife in this way has the faintest notion of what a precious gift he has been given.
So my charge to you is this. From this day forward, compose all your thoughts and frame all your actions with this reality in view. You want to live in such a way that your children and grandchildren, when they are speaking at your funeral many decades from now, will say something like this. “We never knew a man who honored his wife more.”
Laura, men and women are very different, and this causes trouble in many ways. I said a moment ago that men are often offense-givers and women have a tendency to be offense-takers. Here is something that may help you as you sort this out—and all godly wives do have to sort it out. The temptation for women is to impute motives. In other words, you think something like this. “If I ever said something like that to one of my friends, it would be because I was being cruel in the most calculating way possible. He just said that to me. Therefore he is being deliberately cruel to me.” The reasoning seems valid, but notice that the entire argument depends upon the false idea that men think and speak the same way that women do. But they do not, and one of the best things a wife can learn at the earliest possible time is that men say these things because they are Labrador retrievers, and labs like to bark. For no particular reason. Another way of saying this is that dogs aren’t very good at being catty.
So my charge to you is this. You and Justin both believe that you speak English, and you both do, after a sort. But he speaks men-English, and you speak women-English. You will spare yourself and your husband much trouble if you take up the task of translating what you hear before you react to it. You will find that what you thought he said and what he thought he said are often two very different things. Just as a wise husband must learn to become bilingual, so must a wise wife. As you take on the responsibilities of marriage, seek to become a woman of understanding.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.