In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and amen.
Our God has brought us together here this evening to witness the joyful exchange of vows between Alex and Lynnessa. We know that we live in a sinful world because Scripture tells us that men make vows like this in order to put an end to all disputes. But in a covenant-breaking age like ours, the exchange of vows—even and especially marriage vows—is often the occasion for increasing the disputes and contentions. And so it is important for us as believers in Christ to mark what we are doing here, and to remind ourselves of the importance of what marriage really means.
God has bound Himself to His people by means of a covenant. He does not just say that He will save us, but also binds Himself to save us. It is as though God spoke a kind word to us, saying that He would bring us to heaven, and we responded with, “Cross Your heart?” And instead of blasting us for our impudence, He smiled on us and said, “Cross My heart.” God gave a stupendous promise to Abraham, and yet Abraham asked, “Lord God, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?” (Gen. 15:8). But this was not unbelief on Abraham’s part, because just two verses earlier we learned that Abraham had already believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. So Abraham believed God, and in the next breath said, “How can I know?” This is one of the things that love and faith do. Love asks for tokens. Faith asks for tokens. And so God gave Abraham a striking vision that confirmed His promise to him. And two chapters later, God gave Abraham the sign of circumcision, which confirmed the promise still further.
Tokens are not props for a shaky faith; they are the natural language of faith. In a world of sin, when vows can be broken, such vows are then remembered and held against the covenant-breaker. But the exchange of vows is not just to tie down a reluctant heart; this is not their only purpose. They are not just traps for false faith, but vows and tokens adorn and crown true faith. It is not for nothing that the signs of these commitments today are signs of gold.
In just a few moments, Alex and Lynnessa will exchange their promises, vows, and rings. These are not props, meaning that without them the couple would be unsure of their love for one another. Rather, their certainty of their love for one another finds its natural expression in tokens just like this. This is how God is with us, and this is how He wants us to be with one another.
Scripture tells us that the relationship between a man and a woman, coming together in marriage this way, is a picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ. God has determined to save us from our sins, and to accomplish this He has sent Jesus Christ to earth, to live a perfect, sinless life, to be baptized in a baptism of repentance, to be crucified, and then buried, and then to be raised to life on the third day in accordance with the words of all the prophets. Because Jesus obeyed His Father through all this, He was established as the ultimate Bridegroom, and all those who believe in Him are incorporated into the Bride of Jesus Christ, which is the Christian church. God has given us tokens of this marriage, such as baptism, and the preached word, the Lord’s Supper. He did not give us these things because our faith was false. He gave them because His love was true, and our response to Him was one of humble acceptance of that love. We love because He first loved us. And those who love always exchange tokens.
Now Alex, I want to remind you of the truths behind these tokens. I charge you to accept the ramifications of the vows you are about to make, and to accept them gladly. You are now assuming the most awesome responsibility a man can take on, and the Bible teaches us that godly authority flows to those who assume responsibility. In a similar way, authority flees from any who try to evade responsibility. Evasion of responsibility takes place when you demand respect instead of giving love, if you murmur or complain about your responsibilities instead of gladly shouldering them, or if you wait for your wife to “go first” in the way of sacrifice. Your responsibility here is to lay down your life in imitation of Jesus Christ Himself, and to do so first. St. Paul says in Ephesians that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This means that you take responsibility by dying to yourself. But in the economy of God, all who die in the name of Jesus are raised to life again, wonderfully and gloriously. And when you live out this kind of new life in marriage, the blessings for the whole family are incalculable. The man who loves his wife loves himself. No Christian man ever out-gave a Christian woman, any more than a farmer can out-give the soil. The more he gives, the more the field is fruitful, thirty, sixty, and a hundred-fold. You are on the threshold of unspeakable blessings, and you need to hear what every mortal man needs to hear in such a place, which is—don’t be a fool. Love your wife, and I will say it again—love your wife.
Lynnessa, you are beautiful bride, and Scripture teaches that as Alex loves you—as he is promising to do—you will flourish and grow in that love, and this means increasing loveliness. Now loveliness is not something you do for Alex. Loveliness is something you offer back to him, but this is not a technique or a trick. As he loves you, you honor and respect him. The gentle spirit that does this, the Bible teaches, is a lovely spirit. The Scripture tells husbands to love their wives and tells wives to respect their husbands. What we sometimes miss is the fact that when husbands are loving, this is respectable, and when wives are respecting, this is altogether lovely. Each of you, in accepting what God tells you to do, are helping the other to do what God has required. But as you are rendering respect and honor to Alex, you need to understand that what you are doing looks very different from his perspective. What looks like rendering honor to you (from inside) looks like loveliness to him.
So this is what marriage means, among other things. Paul tells us it is a great mystery, so we do not pretend to have exhausted the subject. But we do know that we need to adorn such a great mystery. And so as we prepare to exchange the tokens of covenant love and commitment, let us prepare our hearts by singing Psalm 128.