In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, welcome. Let us pray together now and seek God’s blessing on our hearts and minds as we contemplate the nature of the joy before us now.
Our Father, You are the Giver of all good things, with marriage in the first rank of those good things. We ask You to look down upon us with pleasure as these vows are exchanged, to send Your Spirit to enable us to participate in that pleasure, and to do all of this because we ask for it in the kind name of Jesus, and amen.
Men and women are so different that we might be excused if we thought that putting them together in marriage was perhaps a bad idea. But when there are problems, the differences are not ever the cause. Because of sin, differences with another person always present an opportunity to put your own perspective first—but the issue here is always the self-centeredness, not the temptation created by individuals who are not a perfect clone of ourselves.
God made Eve bone of Adam’s bone, and flesh of his flesh. He did this in such a way as to create and maintain an obvious compatibility. But when our first parents sinned, that compatibility was disrupted—but the adversary was the serpent, not “the woman you gave me.” Since that time, every marriage ever formed has been formed between people who are affected by that first sin. This does not make marriage hopeless, but it does mean that we have to be careful to remember the spiritual meaning of marriage, which is nothing less than the gospel. By creation design, the differences between men and women are harmonious and complementary. Because of the fall, those differences create constant temptations and friction. And because of the gospel, we are privileged to see our marriages become a place where the grace of God toward us is showcased in glorious ways.
Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. Wives are told to honor and respect their husbands in the same way that the Church follows the Lord. In short, every Christian husband and wife is commanded to live in such a way as to embody the gospel. It is not possible for a Christian man to be silent about Jesus Christ—every Christian man is speaking all the time about Jesus. He may be telling the truth about Jesus in how he treats his wife, or he may be telling a falsehood, but he is never silent. Every Christian wife, all day long every day, is modeling for the world what Christian discipleship looks like. She may be misrepresenting what the Christian walk is like, but she is not not representing what it is like.
The Bible has many metaphors for this salvation—but one of the most striking is this. Salvation is like a wedding. Justification is like a wedding dress. A deep covenanted commitment to forgiveness and forbearance is woven throughout this glad event. Salvation is beautiful, just like the bride. Salvation is noble and sacrificial, just like the groom. Salvation is like music, voices, brass, piano and more. What will the acoustics be like in the resurrection? Salvation is like the reception, with glorious food, far, far beyond what we can envision just now.
But though we carry the image of the reality dimly, the imaging we present is not dim to us in the present moment, because it stands out starkly against the backdrop of grasping and selfishness that is so characteristic of how men and women relate to one another outside of Christ. And so this is our privilege and glory. The gospel can be wonderfully presented in words, of course, because it is the message about the Word. But it is not limited to that. It is all here as well, appareled appropriately, and so we rejoice.
Brian, you understand that corporately all of us, men and women together, are part of the Bride of Christ. Corporately, we are feminine, and the Lord Jesus is the groom. But as an individual man, in this glorious enactment of the gospel, you stand in the place of, and play the role of, the Lord Jesus Himself. This means that you are making a gift of yourself; you are giving yourself away. You are not just doing this today, but also you are resolving to model this sacrifice and love for the rest of your life.
Husbands often need to be reminded to do this in the little things, in the day-to-day things. They may be fully resolved to rise to the occasion if ever a great sacrifice were necessary, but the real issues for you are going to be in those areas that you will tempted to dismiss as trivial. But if you die to yourself in the little things—what Jesus described as dying daily—you won’t need to worry about the great things. They will take care of themselves when the time comes. The preparation for the great things always lies in the small things.
Brian, I know you have a mind and an eye for detail. So my charge here is that today you bind that eye to see ways in which you may love your wife. Love your wife in the details. Sacrifice for her in the details. Let go of your own inclinations in the details. And resolving to live this way—which is what the vow just ahead of you means—is no detail.
Morgan, you have a wonderful opportunity before you now. Christian husbands are frequently slandered as misogynists, and their wives are just as frequently slandered as the kind of people who put up with that kind of foolishness. The Pauline language of headship and submission is twisted beyond all recognition, and those who want to evade God’s way for us—which is always the best way—flatter themselves with their own arguments about how this doctrine can be distorted. And, in bent marriages, it can be distorted. But that is not what we have before us here.
In biblical marriages, the husband is the glory of sacrificial death and the wife is the glory of radiant resurrection. The woman is the glory of man, not the shame of man. The biblical wife is the crown of the husband, a crown for his head, not something for his feet to walk on. As husbands love their wives as they ought—and I have been privileged to know many who do—the result is not surprising. Christian women who are loved this way are the most beautiful women in the world. And it is not a china doll beauty either.
You have a great deal to give to your new husband. You are smart, well-educated, beautiful, and—what husbands value a great deal—pleasant. As you give yourself to him, and as he gives himself to you, you will both discover that you have, in accordance with gospel logic, found both yourselves and the other. This is God’s way, and He delights over it.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.