In the interest of lending a helping hand in difficult times, I would like to offer a short list of suggested motions for Citizen Ament to make at the next Moscow City Council meeting. If anyone needs a little context, they can check out the recordings of portions of the last meeting at Dale Courtney’s web site. Anyhow, here are some motions that might help keep those council meetings running like a Singer sewing machine.
1. “I move that we place a moratorium on conditional-use permit applications for all entities in the central business district that rhyme with Spandrews.”
2. “If we must have a public hearing on any of this, I move that all supporters of New St. Andrews be allowed to give their input to the city council ten miles east of Elk River, next to the old cedar stump. We will make every effort to have a representative there.”
3. “I move that Charlie Nolan be given a seat behind my chair here so’s I can hear him better.”
4. “I move that the council make it a high priority to find out why we have such division in our community.”
5. “I move that the bozos at New St. Androids quit being so mean-spirited.”
6. “I move that we deal with all my proposals with the urgency they deserve. Why? Because they’re urgent. If we don’t pass them now, then they won’t happen.”
7. “I move that the city’s administrative staff just let me do my job, which is to Blindside Everyone. And I am here to do my job.”
8. “I move that we place a moratorium on our discriminatory restrictions on time travel, that I be seated on the previous city council, and allowed to vote on the important issues that came before us at that time.”
9. “I move that we line the council chambers with tin foil to keep the spy station on the roof of NSA from listening in on our deliberations.”
10. “I move that we redefine recusal to mean that I actually get two votes.”