1. You believe the heel of the loaf of bread has more nutrients in it because it is browner.
2. You think that kids were made for the living room and not the living room for the kids.
3. You believe that being a disciplinarian consists of using repeated commands in a professional bossy voice.
4. You think that telling stories at the dinner table is weird.
5. You think that laughter at the dinner table is even weirder.
6. You possess a bag of carob chips, which you put into cookies made out of trail mix.
7. You place a high value on “teaching them a work ethic,” but that value is not nearly as high as your “slave labor is great ethic.”
8. You don’t want them to know any dumb music.
9. You think dessert is for sissies.
10. You want them to learn to appreciate you without you ever appreciating them.