President Boaty McBoatface

Sharing Options

Let us discourse for a moment on the high perils of popular democracy. A recent example of this was what happened when British authorities decided to allow an entity called “the Internet” to name a newly built polar research vessel. The returns were overwhelming — the name, if the public’s wisdom was to be consulted, as it had been, was to be Boaty McBoatface. Reasonable people stepped in later with an intervention, but it was touch and go for a while.Giant Meteor

This is not the only example. What about the time that Greenpeace put the name of a nameless humpback whale up for a popular vote, and the name that took the honors walking away was Mr. Splashy Pants?

And then that time when People magazine wanted to know who the sexiest man alive was, and instead of leaving it to the handpicked professionals who usually determine these things, a raucous and ebullient crowd instead chose Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.

These things happen. So with that established, let us now turn our chastened meditations to the 2016 presidential campaign.

And when I refer to “the campaign,” I am referring to one particular aspect of it. Perhaps you know what aspect I mean. I do not mean the exuberant Bernie Sanders, who has all the economic insights of a particularly slow bowling ball, moving cautiously down the gutter. Nor are we focusing on the mendacious Mrs. Clinton, who is as crooked as a dog’s hind leg. I am not now attending to the recently touted David French, who would be a lot of fun to vote for. Hope it works out. I am referring to the egregiously entertaining Donald Trump. Or perhaps it is the entertainingly egregious Trump — but that second take would reduce the whole thing to a guilty pleasure.

I do have a point here somewhere. What is happening in the Trump phenomenon is the difference between a sailing ship in a stiff breeze and one with vast engineering spaces below. The Trump phenomenon is an example of the former, and not the latter.

The question is not how Trump is manipulating such crowds, as though he were some kind of a svengali. This is, rather, a populist uprising, one that has selected a particular individual as a point of coalescence. Think of Trump as a styrofoam packing case for a refrigerator, riding the crest of a vast tsunami. The establishment has been trying to deal with the problem by engaging a team of snipers to fill the packing case full of holes. But that is irrelevant. It is is also irrelevant if the packing case started out that ride full of holes. The issue that needs to be reckoned with is the wave.

Now I am a conservative, not a populist. All my objections to Trump remain just what they have been all along. If Donald Trump makes it to the White House, it will be without my support and without my vote. But we need to keep an important qualification in mind. One of the problems with the standard right/left political discourse is that it doesn’t really have a category for this kind of thing. This is not conservatism. But it is not liberalism either. It is something else, in both senses of that phrase.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
126 Comments
Oldest
Newest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Charles Chambers
Charles Chambers
7 years ago

This is actually son of splashy parts. He id splashy everything!

Jsm
Jsm
7 years ago

Saw this on the back of a truck yesterday, “vote Trump or take it in the rump… Again” Entertaining is correct especially watching the liberals have conniption fits.

Rob Steele
Rob Steele
7 years ago

So we have the Antichrist running against the Beast. This is an easy choice.

mkt
mkt
7 years ago
Reply to  Rob Steele

We’ve already had Beast vs. Antichrist multiple times: McCain vs. Obama, Romney vs. Obama, Dole/Bush vs. Clinton, etc. But we told to hold our noses and vote for the “lesser of two evils” (which I never did, BTW). Where was the “Never McCain” movement when we needed it?

Those guys were such pantywaists, though, that the Left didn’t go ultraviolent on their supporters: https://theconservativetreehouse.com/2016/06/03/donald-trump-supporters-terrorized-by-raging-mobs-in-san-jose-a-democrat-mayor-and-police-chief-watched-it-all/

jigawatt
jigawatt
7 years ago

Madison: Hey Thomas, remember all those checks and balances we put in the Constitution to make sure nothing disastrous would happen?
Jefferson: Yeah.
Madison: Well …

Dabney Redivivus
Dabney Redivivus
7 years ago
Reply to  jigawatt

Did Jefferson actually have a hand in the Constitution? I thought he was in France. Moreover, if you can’t see that Trump is a reaction to the breakdown of the Constitutional system rather than the breakdown itself, then you are hopeless.

Chad W
Chad W
7 years ago

We should expect every political system in this fallen world to be riddled with problems. This election cycle we’re especially witnessing some serious shortcomings of democracy. Sometimes the best strategy for winning is to stop playing the wrong game. And many conservatives are now starting to awake from their “Rep vs. Dem” stupor.

Will G
Will G
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad W

Republicans and Democrats have both been for open borders for the past generation. Trump has promised to change that.

Dabney Redivivus
Dabney Redivivus
7 years ago
Reply to  Will G

Exactly. Conservatives conserve open borders.

Will G
Will G
7 years ago

“The issue that needs to be reckoned with is the wave.” So reckon with it. Trump was the one who promised to handle our immigration policy. He deserves to win the nomination and the presidency. Eric Cantor was a sign of the wave.

Dabney Redivivus
Dabney Redivivus
7 years ago

Interesting that after decades of GOP primary chicanery, now that the system has demonstrated it can still function the way it’s supposed to, we suddenly suffer from an excess of popular democracy. Interesting that all the supercilious ones who speak on the perils of popular democracy will turn around and complain about how autocratic Trump will be. Interesting that we as Americans sometimes have the gaul to poke fun at sham elections abroad. How are these nigh-Pharisaic hypocrisies addressed? With a hand wave. “I’m a conservative. Not a populist.” Thank you for clearing that up. You wrote wonderfully about tassel-lengthening… Read more »

Lance Roberts
7 years ago

This election is more definite proof that Democracy is not a viable method of long-term government. Too bad there is probably no way to prevent a Republic sliding into a Democracy when morality declines.

Dabney Redivivus
Dabney Redivivus
7 years ago
Reply to  Lance Roberts

I couldn’t agree with you more. That’s why Trump the autocrat is a good thing, right?

Wesley Sims
Wesley Sims
7 years ago

I appreciate that those who theorized that the Trump campaign was merely a conspiracy to get Hillary elected potus have determined that the correct measure to combat such is to now run a useless third party old white man candidate that only old white men know from reading their old white man magazine so as to get Hillary elected potus–or to just vote for her outright.

Principles!!

gabe
gabe
7 years ago

I actually want to vote for Mr. Splashy Pants!

"A" dad
"A" dad
7 years ago
Reply to  gabe

Just so long as you don’t vote for “Mrs. Splashy pantsuit” by accident!????

She is due for an orange jumpsuit anyway!

John F. Kennedy
John F. Kennedy
7 years ago

Just out of curiosity, suppose Clinton was winning by one vote in Idaho, and that Idaho’s vote would determine the outcome of the electoral college. Since we need two votes to throw this to Trump, suppose you and Nancy are the last to vote, and Elijah has just sent you a text message informing you of these facts. Would this change anything for you?

KingAlbert2nd
KingAlbert2nd
7 years ago

Suppose I constructed a gigantic man of straw., could you blow it down with Doug & Nancy Wilson’s vote?

Suppose your vote didn’t matter…at all…http://tinyurl.com/cxafpnq

What would you do then?

Suppose Godzilla was threatening your mother/wife/sister/daughter…what would you do then? http://tinyurl.com/zswglb5

Jon Swerens
7 years ago

Suddenly, when my vote matters, that’s exactly when I need to do the unprincipled thing.

holmegm
holmegm
7 years ago
Reply to  Jon Swerens

Which is principled again, tying Samson up, or cheering him on? I always forget.

John F. Kennedy
John F. Kennedy
7 years ago
Reply to  Jon Swerens

If a vote for McCain is principled because of Palin, which (I believe) was the position Wilson took in ’08, I’m not sure why a vote for Trump because of his SCOTUS list would be unprincipled in ’16.

It’s easy to vote third party when you know where the electoral votes of your state are going to go anyway, but if you live in a swing state where your vote may actually make a difference, I’m not so sure the answer is that simple.

mkt
mkt
7 years ago

Yeah, the Palin thing never made any sense to me. McCain was pro-choice (until he ran for president) and mocked Christian conservatives. At most, Palin would’ve been a token conservative. She’d have practically no influence on his policies. And of course she turned out to be a train wreck.

Jonathan
Jonathan
7 years ago

I’m blown away that people think Trump’s SCOTUS list carries any more weight than the fake names he used to drive down the cost of business deals.

Wesley Sims
Wesley Sims
7 years ago

Thinking on all of the works by Chesterton that I’ve read, you’d be hard-pressed to convince me GKC would prefer David French or HRC to Donald Trump, even with all of Trump’s warts.

When welcomed into the group of the Holy Cross Crusaders, GKC responded “I’m not much of a Crusader, but at least I’m not a Mohammedan.”

I can’t imagine too many principled conservatives saying such an uninclusive thing, but thank God Mohammed was never as bad as Trump anyhow!!

Semper #NeverTrump, Brothers!!

KingAlbert2nd
KingAlbert2nd
7 years ago

Speaking of Trump v Clinton/Sanders v French (great name for the American political system!)…wasn’t it people like Bill Kristol (who crowned French-y “The One”) that insisted that we accept such dullards as Dole/McCain/Romney because supporting a third party is “throwing your vote away” (http://tinyurl.com/hpwcll3)? Remember the cracks about voting for Mickey Mouse instead of those two jokers? Now he’s going to find a way around the two party system? Sell crazy some place else… Mr. Wilson, please don’t lump yourself in with the likes of Kristol with the label “conservative”…as it conserves nothing according to Dabney (http://tinyurl.com/zg6ceud): “Northern conservatism. This… Read more »

ashv
ashv
7 years ago
Reply to  KingAlbert2nd

Conservatism and progressivism are just different flavours of the liberalism the USA was founded on.

Dabney Redivivus
Dabney Redivivus
7 years ago
Reply to  KingAlbert2nd

I have no doubt Wilson has read that little piece of mine. I suppose I could talk slower for him.

andrewlohr
andrewlohr
7 years ago

Kirk: “In other words, Mr Spock, you reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst?”
Spock: “I would not put it in those words, sir, but those are essentially the facts.”
— at the end of James Blish’s written version of the original Star Trek episode “The Galileo Seven.” From memory (some words probably not Blish’s.)

ME
ME
7 years ago

“The issue that needs to be reckoned with is the wave.”

That would be lovely. Would you mind terribly getting on with it? Daylight is wasting.

Matt
Matt
7 years ago

If Trump isn’t a conservative then why are all the conservatives voting for him? What is conservatism anyway? Trump is definitely right wing though.

mkt
mkt
7 years ago
Reply to  Matt

If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, then Trump has all the right enemies. The Left and neo-cons hate him.

Jonathan
Jonathan
7 years ago
Reply to  mkt

Hitler and Stalin were enemies, right?

bethyada
7 years ago

Mr Splashy Pants

Now I would vote for that because it is way funny!

bethyada
7 years ago

I think the reinforces the point that principled objection to Trump does not automatically extend to his supporters. There are many reasons not to vote for Trump, and I certainly would not vote for him were I eligible. But we need to be careful how we address his supporters, many of their concerns are legitimate; it is there unwarranted faith in Trump which is the problem.

holmegm
holmegm
7 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

Who is it they should have put their (political) “faith” in? Someone who couldn’t even say they wanted to build a wall or pause Muslim immigration?

bethyada
7 years ago
Reply to  holmegm

The reason that faith in Trump’s promises is unwarranted is not because of the content of Trump’s promises, it is because of the content of Trump.

holmegm
holmegm
7 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

So I should go with the trustworthy ones who I can trust to do nothing about the invasion.

Dunsworth
Dunsworth
7 years ago
Reply to  holmegm

No, you should opt out of participating realizing that your vote has no value for positive good, given the options.

Given the fact that my vote can only serve to bring a ruinous leader upon my country, I choose not to exercise it.

ashv
ashv
7 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

The risk of electing a Trump is that he might be lying about something.
The risk of electing a Clinton is that she might be telling the truth about something.

bethyada
7 years ago
Reply to  ashv

Yes, I get this. But some people are so unfit for politics it is just wrong to vote for them. I don’t claim he is worse than Clinton. All claim is that I wouldn’t vote for him.

ashv
ashv
7 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

I’m not voting either because I don’t think the USA deserves him.

ashv
ashv
7 years ago

Still think “consent of the governed” is important, Pastor?

Rick Davis
Rick Davis
7 years ago

Don’t forget the time mountain dew tried to let the internet name their new flavor, and the internet chose the name “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong”.

Ben
Ben
7 years ago

Doug…tsk-tsk-tsk….I can’t believe you’d advocate not voting. We as Christians, though not citizens of THIS world, must recognize that God has established government for our OWN GOOD. We are therefore, as Romans 13:1 and 1 Peter 2:17 say, to honor the governing authorities by demonstrating that we are conscientious and active citizens in WHATEVER form may be required of us, regardless of the criticisms we have of the system. In our nation, we’re not only subjects of the government, we ARE the government, and voting is a reflection of that. By refusing to participate in the election (or throwing your… Read more »

Rick Davis
Rick Davis
7 years ago
Reply to  Ben

Trying to tell if Poe’s law applies here or not…

ashv
ashv
7 years ago
Reply to  Ben

Voting makes you part of the governing process the same way playing the lottery makes you rich.

Qodesmith
Qodesmith
7 years ago

This is the funniest post you’ve ever put out! I am in tears laughing. Boaty McBoatface… Mr. Splashy Pants… Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf!! I lost it with that last one. It literally took my 10 minutes to tame my laughter before I could read past the 3rd paragraph. My stomach hurts so bad. This was the best laugh I’ve had in a while. Ahhh, the wonders of the collective internet…

Daithi_Dubh
Daithi_Dubh
7 years ago

Pragmatism or Principle. This is our Scylla and Charybdis we look to be navigating between in this election cycle. A vote for the pantsuited jezebel is of course out of the question; however, I’m going to be accused by some of having no principles if I vote for Trump, and of handing the election to the aforementioned HRC if I go with the “principled” opposition. Put it another way: “I want a principled conservative who will uphold the Constitution, and Trump ain’t it!” Fair enough! But tell me, when is the last time you had a principled conservative, committed to… Read more »

Jonathan
Jonathan
7 years ago

I want to do a rundown of Trump University, because I think it perfectly encapsulates the kind of person Trump is, especially in business, and why I think he is unsupportable for Christians. The whole point of “Trump University” was to use Trump’s image to drive up people’s lust for wealth in order to get them to part with their money. Recently released documents show that behind the scenes, Trump University promoters were taught to trick students into thinking emotionally and not logically about their decision to lay down money for additional courses – using those exact words. Instructors were… Read more »

TFSA
TFSA
7 years ago

See also the brief presidential efforts of Deez Nuts.