A few years ago, I wrote eleven theses on birth control, which you can read here. But the fact that a certain line of discussion broke out in the comments of another recent post made me want to develop my eighth and ninth points, which is that children are covenant blessing, not an automatic blessing.
In my recent post, I was exhorting Christians not to use their liberty in the area of birth control to blind them to the fact that some forms of birth control are unlawful. After all, abortion is also used by many as a form of birth control, and the fact that the phrase can be okay doesn’t mean that it must be okay. We must not take a phrase that can be used lawfully and stretch it to cover unlawful practices. In the course of making that point, I said that if not using these unlawful forms of birth control meant that you were going to have “ten babies in a row,” well, then, I said, you need to have ten babies in a row.
This was taken by some as a disparagement of having ten children, as though I believe having a large family is the necessary lesser of two evils. Not at all — I was stepping into the thought processes of someone who was thinking about using an abortifacient, and I was saying that if given a choice between what you would regard as inconvenient and what we all should agree is the taking of your children’s lives to avoid such inconvenience, you should choose the inconvenience. To understand this better, use the scare quotes — “inconvenience.”
But the interaction revealed some things that we have to develop further. I believe with all my heart that children are a blessing, and more children are more of a blessing. When children are being brought up to love the Lord their God, no one believes more heartily than I that the more we have of that the better. Don’t forget that every Saturday evening, when we celebrate our Sabbath dinner, our house is teeming with a covenantal future. That delights me — but it delights me because the kids are all Christians.
So they are a covenantal blessing, not simply a sentimental one. Covenants among men, by their very nature, bring blessings and curses with them. We live in a world where choices make a difference, and this includes the choices made by us in bringing up our children, and by our children as they grow. A man is not more greatly blessed if he has five sons sleeping through harvest instead of two (Prov. 10:5). Samuel would not have been more greatly blessed with five sons who took bribes instead of two (1 Sam. 8:3). Eli would not have been more greatly blessed with four sons who slept with the women attendants at the tabernacle instead of two (1 Sam. 2:22). And the man who contends with his enemies in the city gate would not be more greatly blessed if his sons were all across the way, on the wrong side, standing shoulder to shoulder with his enemies (Ps. 127:5).
A covenantal understanding allows us to speak to this pretty forcefully, and a sentimental understanding does not. “Every life is precious.” Yes, it is, but not the way many people assume. If I say that under some circumstances, it would be better if a particular family had not had that baker’s dozen, the comeback seems easy — which child would you pick out of the line-up, and say it would have been better if that one had never been born? But never forget . . . Judas had a mom.
“The Son of man indeed goeth, as it is written of him: but woe to that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! good were it for that man if he had never been born” (Mark 14:21).
Children are a blessing. Scripture speaks that way, and so should we. But children are a blessing in the covenant. The cup of blessing at the Lord’s Supper is a blessing — it is called the cup of blessing. And yet, there were some at Corinth who were sick and who had died because of how they mishandled that blessing (1 Cor. 11:30). The mercy seat on the ark of the covenant was a mercy seat — but was Uzzah struck dead because he touched it (2 Sam. 6:7)?
This means that children, in order to be experienced as the kind of blessing that God wants them to be for us, must be received in faith, by faith, and through faith. The just shall live by faith, and this includes life together in a family as the children are brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
To anticipate one objection, obviously parents cannot use birth control in order to weed out the Judases. That is not possible for us to do — we do not have that kind of knowledge. What they have to do, walking by faith, and refusing to listen to the anti-child propaganda that the world dishes up, is to make their decisions before the Lord. They have to refrain from unlawful means, and they have to walk in true wisdom with the rest.
I think I follow your point here. I certainly agree that children being a blessing is not to be interpreted in an overly simplistic way. As a father of 11 I feel the weight of that reality. I do worry that your sentiments can be used by the enemy to discourage people. I think I can honestly say that there has not been a single day that I have felt I am sufficiently living up to my calling of raising my kids in the fear of the Lord. This is absolutely the single most tempting reason I have had to… Read more »
So if I understand you correctly, only those who are not planning to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord should use birth control. Fair enough.
I think peopel should be careful about how many children they produce because they may not have the resources ot sustain a whole bunch.
Jon,
God sustains my children, just as He did the children of Israel as He blessed them with many children while they were slaves in Egypt.
Amen Ian and rcjr. We are not called to be perfectly sinless parents, or to make $50K a year first, or to have a house first, or to have traveled the world first, or any number of excuses Christians make to stop or delay their fertility. God said to be fruitful and multiply and that our children would be contenders for us in the gates. They are arrows in our quivers. And we are charged with training them up in the way in which they should go…to know of their God and His covenant with them.
rcjr: No, that is not Wilson’s point. =p
As far as I can tell Pastor Wilson makes a fine point about one bad way to look at children as a blessing. Nothing in the piece, however, answers the question as to whether it makes sense to try to avoid blessings.
rcjr: Here’s a summary: “Birth control is always bad.” and “Birth control is always good.” are both false statements. The first is wrong because the Bible doesn’t say that all forms of birth control are bad; the second is wrong because abortion is murder. Wilson would deny the truth of both statements.
I’m afraid it’s not a summary of this piece. Or if it is, the illustration does not support the thesis. This piece argues that sometimes children end up not being a blessing. I concur with that. But to suggest that this is an argument in favor of avoiding the blessing of children doesn’t follow, as even the piece acknowledges. So the argument often goes like this- Christians should not seek to avoid the blessing of children. But children sometimes turn out to not be a blessing. True enough. But since we can’t know that in advance, and since the non-blessedness is either/and/or… Read more »
Unless, of course, you all know of a birth control method that weeds out the reprobates. That would certainly change the nature of the argument.
@rcjr It would seem you could infer from Wilson’s post that it is possible for a Christian to believe they are not prepared/equipped to raise 10 children in the nurture/admonition of the Lord but are prepared/equipped to raise 3. Rather than your statement of all or none. Does that not follow?
rcjr I was thinking something similar to your last comment in regards to Pastor Wilson saying that children are not automatic blessings. True some children may give us grief in the end and may be reprobate…but we cannot know that at the outset. Stating that children are not a blessing at say their conception, leads us to the slippery slope of abortion. Does it not?
JDM, it seems to boil down to a belief that God does not actively close the womb. I believe He is sovereign and knows better for my life and sanctification than I do for myself. I *might* think that I only have the capability to care for three children but the Lord in His wisdom decides to give me four. Who knows better than God? Surely not me.
“I was exhorting Christians not to use their liberty in the area of birth control to blind them to the fact that some forms of birth control are unlawful” There. Wilson is not saying that all forms of birth control are unlawful. So, he says, “All forms of birth control are bad” is a false statement. Christians can lawfully use some forms of birth control.
Seth,
This is an explanation of the post before this post, not a description of this post.
JDM,
I’m honestly having a hard time trying to wrap my head around how a person could be equipped to raise three in the nurture and admonition of the Lord but not ten. Wisdom, faith, love, do not run out. And money can’t buy you love. Or so I’ve been told.
” That delights me — but it delights me because the kids are all Christians.”
And thankfully the Lord in His wisdom gives children that will one day be regenerate to reprobate pagan parents. :)
rcjr: If 3, and if 10, why not 1000?
Seth, why not? ;) But taking into account the average fertility cycles and average life spans of women, 1000 is not likely.
Amen Seth. That’s what the Bible says, Genesis 24.
@rcjr Would you apply the same to discipleship? Since wisdom, faith and love do not run out there is no Christian discernment in limiting the number of Christians an individual disciples at one time?
@Kimberley This goes back to the previous post where I am not sure I understand the distinction your are making between birth control (non-abortifacient) and other medical treatment.
Stating that children are not a blessing at say their conception, leads us to the slippery slope of abortion. Does it not? %%%%% What of rape children or children of fornication? Isn’t that more a case of sins of the father, and in the case of fornication, of the mother being visited on the next generation? P>S. I know abortion is murder.
To anticipate one objection, obviously parents cannot use birth control in order to weed out the Judases. That is not possible for us to do — we do not have that kind of knowledge.&&&&&&&&&&&&&&There used to be a lot of hulaboo about the so called gay gene. The scientists were all gung ho to find one until someone pointed out that i such a gene were discovered, it could be used by the abortion industry.
Post a comment
Robert, God opens the womb of the fornicator and the rape victim. Children born of those circumstances are still blessings despite the circumstances in which they are created. He purposes and plans every child in every instance. He also closes the womb for His own purposes. I’m not seeing what you are meaning by the sins of the father being visited upon children in those cases. Life is a gift not a punishment. He doesn’t just give babies to good Christian couples. He gives them to unbelievers as well. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. JDM,… Read more »
Yeah, that’s the position I would take. That said, were I to concede that there might be a limit I would in turn insist that if there is some line, no one could possibly know where it is, save, of course, God. Hope that helps.
rcjr: So Bible believing Christians should never stop having kids?
Kimberley, what makes you think they are blessings? A blessing to whom? Just because you believe it doesn’t make it so. Jut because it is wrong to kill them doesn’t automatically make them a blessing. Our foster care and welfare systems are loaded with such children. I say again, a blessing to whom?
Robert, because God says so. There are no qualifications to Psalm 127.
Kimberley: So you would children *are* an automatic blessing, period?
I think so, yes.
I would that they are a blessing . That if they are called (regenerated) and/or raised within the Covenant they *remain* a blessing. If they are vessels of ultimate destruction they can be classified as a curse. But we do not have that knowledge of ultimate judgement and salvation before the Lord.
Water = blessing. Too much water = flood. Food = blessing. Too much food = obesity. Alcohol = blessing. Too much alcohol = drunknness. Kids = blessing. More kids than you can manage or support = chaos, apostasy, divorce, despair = not a blessing. Have seen it too many times at church and in my medical practice.
Seth, Bible believing Christians should joyfully receive all the blessings God gives them. Does that seem odd to you? Maybe I’m just misinterpreting your question. It was the position of the whole of the church until just decades ago. I have never known any Bible believing parent to say to God, “I wish you had not blessed me with this son/daughter.”
Dr. DC, I disagree. Too much water does not create a flood. Water where it ought not to be (or people where they ought not to be) creates flooding. Too much food does not create obesity. Consuming too many calories without enough burning of calories creates obesity. Too much alcohol doesn’t create drunkenness. Consuming too much alcohol at one time creates drunkenness. Too many children doesn’t create apostasy, chaos, divorce and despair. Unbelief, disorganization, infidelity and faithlessness create those. You are putting the sin in the babies, not in the parents, in the things, not in the hearts. It’s like… Read more »
rcjr: You nailed it on your last point. I find some of the argumentation in these comments disturbing. What do you tell the 16 year old girl pregnant from a dead beat dad who is considering an abortion? “Because of your sin this awful curse has come upon you”? We certainly cannot be blind to the reality that this young girl is facing. There will be many troubles, but the source of those troubles does not lie inherently in the baby. The baby is a gift, a common grace.
Amen Ian and rcjr. :)
Pastor Wilson, I like what you are saying in the sense that I think people do overly sentimentalize children. One child can be a real handful, and if that child grows up undisciplined or vindictive, they will be a great curse upon their family. However, having said that, I think the only time the Scriptures speak of “birth control,” it actually speaks of “marriage control.” St. Paul tells people that a great persecution was coming, and it would be good for some not to marry. I think that is sound advice: if you don’t want to have children, don’t get… Read more »
Kimberley and Rcjr, I’m curious whether either of you allow for a husband and wife to ever come together without the specific intent or allowance for children. Is marital intimacy biblically permissible sans seed planting? If so, why? If not, is Onan the only example we have?
Here is a case study for all of you: I have three children, the youngest of whom has Down syndrome and many medical needs stemming from that (numerous therapies and hospital stays and doctors’ appointments every week). I have had 3 c-sections. I am almost 34. We are considering “being done” expanding our family as far as it depends on us because we want to provide exceptional parenting to our children and feel that we are at capacity physically and emotionally (and our chances of having another baby with a time-consuming chromosomal disorder is now 1 in 100). What would… Read more »
Here’s something else to consider: How is using birth control or even getting an IUD different from taking other calculated risks with your children’s lives, such as driving them in the car for a non-necessary trip? I feel that it must be different, but I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, and I’m not sure how to answer that objection.
This topic never gets old! Thanks so much to Pastor Wilson for being willing to engage in it. Thank you, RC Jr for being so bold and courageous to take what some call an extreme position but is obviously grounded in your trust in God’s goodness and providence. What put me squarely in the “no birth control” camp was the idea that God is not going to accidently create someone He didn’t mean to if I don’t use it.
RC and Kim Are you in favor of or opposed to fertility treatments for couples that are having trouble getting pregnant? (Not using a surrogate or donor or fertilizing and freezing multiple eggs so that we don’t confuse the issues.)
One Voice,
To affirm that we ought to welcome all blessings that God would be pleased to provide is not the same thing as saying that anytime a husband and wife come together their explicit goal must be conception. Certainly pregnant couples should enjoy the marital bed. The point isn’t to try to pray blessings from God’s hand, but rather to be willing to receive joyfully all that He would be pleased to give. Don’t know if such is allowed here but in case it is, here is a link:http://rcsprouljr.com/blog/the-kingdom-notes/ten-ways-not-to-look-at-children/
Thank you for that link RC what an encouraging read that was :D
Sara F: I would start with some questions. If you were offered a choice to have one of your children cease to exist, as if they were never born, would you take it? Knowing all of the pain and suffering that you will endure (and have to date) as a result of raising a Downs child, would you trade the joy they bring for the suffering you endured? Assuming you would not, do you think that if you have another child you would feel differently about them? Was there a time before having a Downs child that if someone had told you your… Read more »
Perhaps we could look at it this way: All children are blessings, always, like RCjr is saying. We are mortals, and we cannot always handle God’s blessings. Love doesn’t run out, but strength does. So does time. So does money. Our physical resources sometimes don’t allow us to bless our children the way we need to. So children are always a blessing to us: but if you have enough children that you can’t bless them, then we have a problem. No one denies that a tower is a good thing. But does not a man who sets out to build a… Read more »
Sorry, slight qualification on the last comment. I mean that all believing children are always a blessing.
Carson: There is a problem with your analogy, in that it seems to leave little room for faith. Faith often requires us to move in a direction for which we appear to be ill-prepared. Isn’t that the point of Jesus’ analogy. What mature Christian has looked at all that is required to follow Jesus and said “yep, I’m up for the task”? The point of us counting the cost is for us to realize how weak we are and how desperate we are for the power of God. We step foreward in faith that God will provide the strength and… Read more »