“We can all acknowledge that a father spitting in his daughter’s face is not something that we would call a great moment in child-rearing. This is obviously a family with some serious dysfunction going on. Nobody reading this should want to be that dad. So don’t be that dad. Not ever. But here is the point. Suppose I had gone a different route and said something like “Whatever you do, don’t be that daughter, man. Whatever she did, it must have been pretty bad.” Enlightened moderns everywhere would be aghast. They would be aghast for a reason, and that reason is the thing I want to point to. The striking thing here is that, even in such a grim scenario, all the social pressure in ancient Israel was applied to the daughter, and not to the father. She was the one who bore the shame” ‘If this happened, should she not be ashamed for seven days?’ This default assumption seems almost inconceivable to us. We tend to wonder, ‘Why was the father not arrested and charged?’”
Keep Your Kids, p. 72