Letters from the Car Wash

I have a question I haven’t been able to get a clear answer on: is getting a tattoo sin?
Most of what I find lands in the middle—“not forbidden, but be wise about it” — and I’m trying to understand the reasoning rather than just the conclusion. Specifically:
How do you read Leviticus 19:28? Is the prohibition ceremonial and tied to pagan mourning rites, or does it carry a moral principle that binds Christians?
If it isn’t sin per se, what actually makes a particular tattoo sinful—motive, content, permanence, something else?
Is there a body-as-temple argument (1 Cor. 6:19-20) that bears on this, or is that usually stretched too far?
I’m not looking for permission. I’d rather have the argument than the verdict, so I can reason through it myself and give an account for the position I land on.
Thank you for your time.
Grateful for your ministry,

Seth

I have heard you say that you can sum up the Bible in a sentence by saying “Kill the Dragon, get the girl.” Could you please expand on that and build out the theological back bone of the what I assume to be a metaphor? Thank you! Love your resources!

Kellon

I’m curious on how you’d would handle a situation I have found myself in . . . Long story short, my parents got divorced due to my mother’s adultery, and fast forward 10-15 years later she is wanting to remarry. I disagree with it, though her boyfriend is someone I rather like. My older sibling also disagrees with her remarrying due to the divorce, and withheld his kids from her when she got engaged a few years ago. (It got called off after.) I have young kids who adore their grandma, but I’m also hesitant to want them around someone who claims to be a Christian but actively disobeys the Bible when it suits her. Some advice would be much appreciated! Thank you!

Josiah

Thank you for participating in the debate by Canon Press, “Which Way America?” It was an excellent conversation and I’m looking forward to reading the “Five Views on Christian Nationalism.” In your opening remarks, you mentioned that Spurgeon was a optimistic premillennialist. What have you read of his material that supports this understanding? Any specific books or sermons?
Thanks again for the discourse and the willingness to interact!

Drew

I’ve read much of what you’ve written and was able to visit Grace Agenda for the 2nd time a few weeks ago. I have wondered what your opinion would be on this Grok Search. Do you emphasize what you could call the “prayer closet” in your teaching? Or do you shy away from it for certain reasons?
Here’s the Grok search result.
“He does affirm private prayer, but his published output gives disproportionate attention to prayer as a corporate and covenantal act. The recurring patterns are:
Prayer in gathered worship (Lord’s Day prayers, liturgical responses, congregational participation) comes up constantly.
Prayer connected to households, fathers, and covenant families is a recurring secondary emphasis.
Prayer for cultural reformation, national repentance, and kingdom advance appears frequently and is closely tied to his postmillennial outlook.
Private devotional prayer certainly appears, but I found far less dedicated treatment than the other categories. Evidence here is comparatively thin.”

Drew

We have an atheist in-law, and he is not the simple atheist who doesn’t care what you believe, he is the kind that is hostile toward Christianity and would prefer that religion didn’t exist at all. He is the head of an atheist club, takes great interest in psychology, and is an intentional and sophisticated person. 
We have two young kids, and I can’t help but notice subtle patterns from the in-law that seem to be aimed at shaping the affections and loyalty of our kids toward him and sometimes subtle gestures that suggest subversion, although he does not try proselytizing them. I cannot easily prove that he is doing anything wrong (he is the fun and friendly type), but the fatherliness in me senses danger, and I’m uncomfortable when he is around my children. He does not spend much time with the adults when he is around, and is unusually focused on our kids. 
My wife has no Christians in her family, and no one in her family is intentional about maintaining a good relationship with us except this in-law. I personally don’t get along with him that well, although I am reasonably charitable. My wife does not seem to see the same dangers as I do, so it creates a bit of a sore spot in the marriage, although she is a good and faithful wife nonetheless. 
We have set all the normal boundaries that a faithful Christian household would set, such as limiting (or prohibiting) alone time, correcting things that he does or says that we disagree with, limiting gifts, and limiting the quantity of visits to about 15 times a year. 
I am conflicted about what to do next, and I’m managing a tension that takes a bit of work. I’ve had three serious and long dialogues with him about God’s existence and salvation, but this has fallen on deaf ears. 
What do you think I should do? 
Thank you,

D

I am a young seminary student, and I’ve been tremendously blessed by your content over the years. I have particularly valued your content on marriage and manhood. I am not referencing any particular post, but I wanted to ask this question as I value your opinion as someone who has been in ministry for a long time:
How important are the biblical languages to the work of pastoral ministry? And, secondarily, in your experience, would not having extensive knowledge of the biblical languages hurt my chances of being brought on/ordained by a church in a theologically responsible denomination like the CREC?
I am at a bit of a crossroads in my degree plan. The seminary I attend does not offer an MDiv, only a ThM (Master’s of Theology), which is an approximately 4-year program. All of their other programs are MAs, which include much of the same Biblical and Theological studies classes as the ThM, but not the languages. I am only in year one out of four, and my wife and I would like to start having kids soon (we have been married for 2 years and are 23-years-old), but this feels both financially irresponsible while I am in school and also unfair to her given that I would not be around very much, between work and school, to help with a baby. We also don’t live anywhere near our family that could help us. My thought is that I could switch into one of these MA programs where I could graduate about this time next year. This would solve the dilemma of starting a family, but I don’t want to do anything that would be detrimental to my future ministry.
Any insight and advice you have here would be greatly appreciated.
I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to this.

Cade

I currently run the preteen ministry at my church and am courting eldership, with the expectation that I would be presented to the congregation for ratification at the beginning of the new year. However, we have recently entered a difficult and somewhat uncertain season of leadership.
Our senior pastor, who was our only pastor at the time, recently resigned by text message, as well as another elder, following a disagreement over how to proceed with the building associated with a ten-year church plant. The church plant ultimately ended in a way that was less than satisfactory having gone through 3 pastors in that time and causing us to close it’s door at it’s peak. We have also seen our other pastors leave over the past several years, along with several men who had been candidates for eldership.
At this point, we have only one remaining elder, and he is currently undergoing medical treatment. Consequently, I am uncertain about whom I should be looking to for direction or what my appropriate role should be in the midst of all this.
Our church is also fairly large and continues to grow, with approximately 500 people attending our English services each week and another 200 across our three Spanish campuses. Because of the size of the congregation and the current lack of pastoral and elder leadership, I am concerned about what this transition could mean for the church.
I don’t want to overstep my authority or assume a role that has not yet been given to me. At the same time, I don’t want to stand by when the church is in need of leadership and shepherding, particularly if I am being considered for eldership.
What would you recommend that I do in this situation? What do you believe my role should be at this point, and what would you be looking for in a man who is courting eldership during a season of significant leadership instability?
I understand your situation early in your ministry was a bit similar having to go from the guy with the guitar to preaching and would also appreciate any advice you might have about how to think through the circumstances surrounding the pastor’s resignation and the broader pattern of pastors and elder candidates leaving the church. I want to approach this carefully, biblically, and without becoming part of a faction or taking sides prematurely.
I would greatly value your perspective and counsel.
Thank you,

Paul

Pagan Christianity is a very poorly thought-out book. Here is my review of it.

Jen

This isn’t so much a letter to the editor as it is a request for advice. I’m a mother of two toddlers and recently finished “Standing on the Promises.” It was quite possibly the most helpful and encouraging book I’ve read on Christian parenting. I was raised in a similar way to what you describe (my parents were big Growing Kids God’s Way followers), and I found your framework to be such a helpful but slightly different framework and guide.
My husband and I have been exercising our authority and asking our kids to obey us right away, cheerfully. Since raising our standards and incorporating spanking, we have seen so much positive change in our 3-year-old son. Our two year-old daughter, however, has not responded as positively. She’s always had a very fiery temperament and gets angry at the slightest frustration, and will often defy us when we ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do. Our son changes his behavior after 2-3 spankings, but we’ve seen very little change in our daughter, despite spanking much more than 2-3x. We’re following your tools (standard of cheerful obedience, spank so it stings, connect the punishment to God’s commands) but we’re just not seeing the same change as we see in our son.
If I raise my voice at her or use a more frustrated tone, that elicits much more tears from her than spanking does. However, I feel uncomfortable relying on what feels emotional manipulation to get her to obey.
I’m hoping you have some insight you can provide into why one of our children would be so much more resistant to our discipline, and any changes or tweaks we can make.
Thank you!
Warmly,

Emma

My summer reading list included “The Path to Rome”, a travel log of sorts by the devout Roman Catholic author, essayist, commentator, close friend of Chesterton (and prophet, I would say) Hilaire Belloc, recounting his 750 mile walking pilgrimage from eastern France to Rome taken in 1901. In addition to the description of the people, cultures and land were also theological insight, music, Latin (not translated that I had to look up), and food critique. Very enjoyable and highly recommended.
In regard to my claim of his being a prophet, in 1937 and 1938, Belloc wrote:
“The story must not be neglected by any modern, who may think in error that the East has finally fallen before the West, that Islam is now enslaved—to our political and economic power at any rate if not to our philosophy. It is not so. Islam essentially survives . . . its religion is intact; therefore its material strength may return. Our religion is in peril . . . there is with us a complete chaos in religious doctrine . . . we worship ourselves, we worship the nation; or we worship a particular economic arrangement believed to be the satisfaction of social justice . . . Islam has not suffered this spiritual decline; and in the contrast between [our religious chaos and Islam’s] religious certitudes still strong through the Mohammadedan world lies our peril.”
and:
“It has always seemed to be possible, and even probable, that there would be a resurrection of Islam and that our sons or grandsons would see the renewal of that tremendous struggle between Christian culture and what has been for more than a thousand years its greatest opponent.”
and:
“Even a slight accession of material power would make further control of Islam by an alien culture difficult. A little more and there will cease that which our time has taken for granted; the physical domination of Islam by the disintegrated Christendom we know”.
Belloc beat you to the punch by 89 years. His only error was not adding another generation, “. . . or great-grandsons.”

Preston

I could very well be the husband referred to in the August 18th ‘Letters’—On Bringing Everything to a Head. I would like to provide some more context to ‘B’s observations. ‘B’ is not aware of the context of our early marriage, as he wasn’t born yet. My wife confided that one major reason she was attracted to me was that unlike her parents, she saw my parents’ love for one another—they were very much a team, supporting and respecting one another—and wanted such a marriage. In contrast, her father only brought home a pay cheque, didn’t attend church or family celebrations, didn’t help in the home, and continually argued with her mother—my wife even confided that once when she was alone in the car with him she felt fear.
My wife convinced me that she understood and would be committed to a ‘good marriage.’ I believed her. We had 3 children in a little over 3 years. We agreed that she’d be a stay-at-home mom while I advanced my career. It seemed to work well for the first couple of years, then slowly she started pulling back. She didn’t enjoy my social group anymore, over time we no longer associated with them. Then my family of origin (and hers also) became intolerable to her. Seeing my father’s loyal example, I stayed committed to her and only infrequently (once a year) met with friends or family. I didn’t understand the strategy of alienation.
Buying into the ‘happy wife–happy life’ wasn’t working. In spite of appeasing my wife at every level, supporting her decision to return to school to obtain her B. Ed. at the age of 47, I found myself walking on ‘eggshells’ every night after coming home from work, trying to avoid the nightly insults and criticisms. I joined a church men’s group studying ‘Authentic Manhood’. I had to try harder. I joined a ‘Celebrate Recovery’ group and identified my ‘co-dependence’. Every avenue pointed at MY failure. After 25 years of marriage my wife insisted that she didn’t feel cherished, and besides is too old for sex, and shut the door ever since.
I heard sermons on the husband’s responsibility to ‘love his wife and live in an understanding way.’ I loved my wife (desperately wanting ‘reconciliation’ from a phantom problem) but I couldn’t understand her, especially her increasingly hostile behaviour towards me. Eventually I discovered the (secular) BPD/Narcissist spectrum and the Christian ‘reviling wife’ issue. I also came across this blog. Heeding your advice I began by telling my wife I would no longer ask for forgiveness for non-sins, recognizing the failure of appeasement. On your advice I purchased the David Edgington book ‘The Abusive Wife’, finding my wife described to a tee. My church doesn’t provide counseling and my wife refuses to consider it (elsewhere) anyway. I am in a pickle, trying to get a life back, but what I want most is my wife back. She changed, but I still love her and want reconciliation!
Your advice?

C

I am continually encouraged and edified by your blog and Canon Plus and have written to you a few times previously with questions. Today I don’t have a question but I am writing about your “Ask Doug” episode: Can We Change God’s Mind? You and Ben mention Jesus’ prayer in the garden. In light of that, I hope you will take the time to read this writing from Theopolis Institute:
I would love a response to this if you have time!
Thank you!

Caroline

Does it bother you that they are having Alex Jones speak here instead of you? Maybe just a little bit? Alex Jones is not a boomer.

Joshua

Thanks so much for making it out to Stillwater, MN to speak at Christ the King’s Dating, Marriage, and Family conference. I so enjoyed making it out to hear you speak in person and your wife share alongside you in the Q&A sessions, and the location was a bit closer for simpler travel arrangements than taking a trip out to Moscow for your church’s varied home turf events. Your writing ministry (as well as that of your father) has been a blessing to me at a distance.
Still trying to “get the girl” myself after a slow, stumbling start in my younger years. The Stillwater lectures and fellowship provided much in the way of encouragement and exhortation, and I trust it will provide plenty of conversation fodder to discuss and discern with the gal who agreed to attend with me as one of our early dates.
The Lord bless and keep you and continue to make fruitful your endeavors in His service.
Kind regards,

A Rural Rector

I hope this message finds you well. I am a newly married man writing to seek your pastoral counsel on a matter that weighs on my heart.
I am clear about my calling as a husband: to love my wife as Christ loved the church, to shepherd her, to teach her the Word, and to do so with joy and faithfulness. Yet I feel that I am not well prepared for this responsibility. I struggle with how to pastor her effectively day-by-day and how to explain and apply the Scriptures with clarity and wisdom.
I would be grateful for your guidance on how best to approach this. Specifically, I wonder how much we should incorporate other books, commentaries, or writings from solid Reformed theologians and pastors into our times of devotion or teaching, and how to manage that balance so that Scripture remains primary. I also desire to grow in the ability to shepherd and teach my wife the Word well. How can I learn and improve in this area? Are there particular books, resources, or notes you would recommend that might help me become a more faithful husband who leads and teaches with joy?
Thank you for considering these questions. I would appreciate any wisdom you can offer.

Anon

I’m wondering what your thoughts are on the New City Catechism? My church is nondenominational, which seems to mean, at least in part, that any kind of catechism is too denominational and therefore avoided. However, I think we are theologically all over the map, and there seems to be little effort to bring people to a common mind, other than a gospel-centeredness with a very narrow scope. I really think a catechism could help ground the church, even if there are portions that might be thorny for some (i.e., election). But is the New City, in your understanding, a worthy catechism? What would be a good catechism for a nondenominational church?

Tim