Abigail and Related
And A Well Done for Abigail
First of all, thank you for the post.
Second, by following all the links , I found your recommendation of the book The Abusive Wife by David Edgington. It piqued my interest and I bought the e-book immediately.
As I looked through the book, I saw my mother reflected in this portrait of a reviling, contentious woman. I love my mother, but it’s been over twenty years of watching her demean and disrespect my father and exert harsh control over me and my siblings. I’m frustrated by this and there appears to be no end in sight. Do you have any recommendations for children of reviling women, specifically daughters with a desire but without a positive model for being a wife and mother?AM
AM, this really is a difficult situation, particularly if no one has addressed the problem up to this point. Everything depends on how glaring and obvious it is. If it is super obvious, then you and your siblings should have a conversation with your father about it. Start praying about it, and asking God for a clear opportunity to draw a line. Because with situations like this, it is really important to not just leave it the way it is. And as you make a plan, I would seek out pastoral help. As far as not having a model is concerned, what I would recommend is a pattern of good and healthy reading on the subject.
I applaud the defense of wives standing up to their husbands. We all need Abigails standing up to Nabals, I just worry that Moscow’s definition of a Nabal is too narrow. Ought wives to stand up to husbands who verbally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically abuse them? Is it lawful for them to separate for safety’s sake in abuse situations? Is that not an Abigail mindset, when a husband has abandoned his covenantal duty to “be the door” in the Christian home, as you talk about in “My Life for Yours”? Curious as to what you have to say.
May the Lord increase you in righteousness, compassion, and mercy.Kenneth
Kenneth, yes, it can be. But we should want to be careful not to allow an out-of-control subjectivity get into it. There is such a thing as emotional abuse. But in the very nature of the case, emotional abuse is a very easy claim to make, and hard to verify. So yes . . . but.
Some Clean Up
I’m not even sure where to begin. I’m responding to this article [Clean Up in Aisle 7] because it’s been one of the final pieces in my search for clarity in what my brother has gotten caught up in . . .
I’ve spent the last 2 years researching deeply. Analyzing the followers of Joel Webbon, Eric Conn, Brian Sauve, and even yourself. Having no idea who any of you were before my brother introduced me, I didn’t know what to believe.
Where was the stink coming from? Were they all tied together? Was the lack of response to the downright racism and vile sin in the comments of these pastors’ twitter posts a silent dog whistle to assemble the masses and lead the next civil war? Was this all in my head? Or maybe I was just not as devout of a Christian as these men were, else the blinders would have been taken from my eyes.
To make a long story short, I’ve compiled more research than I even know what to do with out of confusion and lack of clarity for a question that needed to be answered deeply. “Does the Reformed church approve of these ‘under the radar’ narratives coming from the followers of these pastors, and why don’t they ever address any of it?”
This post you have made, and this call that Tobias had with Benjamin and Joel was very telling. Tobias was asking the questions I’ve been asking for years now, and attempting to warn my Brother about.
Of course I could not point to any one thing that was said by these pastors and call them blasphemous, sinful, evil or anything of the like—but rather it was left “unsaid” that concerned me greatly. But those concerns aren’t heard with such a baseless claim like that. You can’t condemn a man on what he did not say.
But everything you’ve said in this blog, I fully agree with. It is from men like me, watching their brothers leave their families at home to join groups and movements that have a certain “stink about them,” that needed this clarity, and it is men like me that greatly benefit from the Antioch Declaration . . .
I don’t know why I felt convicted to write this to you, but if you’re reading it, Thank you. I still have so many questions, but despite how ugly this situation may look, just know there is progress in many areas as a result of it. Genuine good has come from this clarity and the recognition from half the Reformed church that there IS a line.M
M, thank you. And thank you for being so careful. It really is complicated, and as regards the men you have named, I would encourage you to see how it all plays out.
A pastor felt compelled to apologize and repent and you advised against it? This goes against any and all teaching you have ever taught me.
This is heart breaking in the error. I looked up to you. You taught me how to be a young father. You taught me how to properly view spheres of authority in my life, expanding the church greatly. I carry this as I have been elevated to church office.
And now you just sacrifice a pastor and his churchman on the altar of politics so you can stay relevant, WITH NO PRESSURE OTHERWISE.
You have been a black pill for many young men that I know. I truly hope you apologize and repent of this. It’s sin. You need to stop.Travis
Travis, if I had done what you have come to believe I did, I certainly should repent. But I didn’t. I absolutely wanted Pastor Tobias to own and acknowledge any and all mistakes or misrepresentations he made. But I did not want him to do it flying blind (the conversation in view had been months before). I wanted him to confirm what he had actually done, and deal with that appropriately.
It seems incongruous to me that a few months ago, Pastor Joel mentioned on X that he had told his wife not to read certain things, but that he doesn’t think it’s his place to tell his parishioner not to read certain things. Why would one be within his purview as a husband, but the other not be within his purview as a pastor?Nan E. Mouse
NEM, that is a reasonable question. Pastor Joel really does believe that Stone Choir is poisonous, and he had a parishioner who had been poisoned. I believe that a pastoral restriction in such a circumstance would not have been a legalistic overreach.
Hi Pastor,
CREC member and listener of yours for several years, even written you a few times on here. First off, thank you for your ministry over the many decades. Secondly, despite everyone setting their hair on fire, my household still enjoys learning from you and we will adamantly keep our Canon+ subscription to support y’all.
First thought—can the Reformed Camp agree that the Antioch Statement—on the whole—is a decent document? Can we also agree that the timing of its release sucked, yet was also necessary to clear the way for a certain nominee to the federal government? Can we not all put on our big boy pants and say that?
Second thought—and don’t call me a Pentecostal on this haha—the forces of darkness are often content to let adrift Christians be since they are not moving God’s kingdom forward. With the modest disarray in the Postmillenials/Christian Nationalists/etc camp, it seems fair to say we caught the attention of the forces of darkness and they’ve started exposing some rot in the shed behind the Church. I expect the principalities of darkness are terrified of what we MIGHT accomplish if we all weren’t so busy quarreling over how much you can dislike a people group before it becomes sin. I fear we are squandering what God just gave us.
Thank you for all you’re doing and looking forward to getting Christendom moving forward again,Appalachian Mountain Man
AMM, thanks for the observation.
Gilder?
Looking for some insight or a quick primer on Gilder’s “Men and Marriage.” As I began to read it, it was steeped with science and statistics, and very little Scripture. It is somewhat interesting, but I’m wondering why it is considered so influential and groundbreaking. Maybe I’m behind a few levels? Is there any insight or context you can offer that will motivate me to continue on? Thus far I find it irrelevant and theologically flat? But I’m sure that I’m just missing some key element. Please help.
On a total random side note. What are your general thoughts on sports in classical Christian Schools?B Sim
B Sim, kept in their proper place, sports are a great asset in classical Christian schools. On Gilder, the main thing I learned from him was the inescapability of male dominance. But you are right—he is no exegete. At the same time, his stand back in the day against feminism (when it was fresh and exciting and new) was profoundly courageous.
Ground Floor Work
I am wondering if you have any advice on helping to teach/model Christian education on the mission field to the locals. For example, my family and I serve as missionaries on a team in Thailand focused on church health in a major city. Nearly every Thai family in our church network sends their kids to government schools where they are indoctrinated in the teachings of Buddhism and Thai culture. The results of this have been predictable, with a large percentage of children walking away from the Christian faith and sinking into the Thai Buddhist culture. We’ve been thinking of ways we can help cast a vision to the Thai families of alternative education models to help give their children a Christian education, but we are unsure what that can or should look like in a foreign context that has had no meaningful interaction with Christianity/Christendom (although there is a good number of children who are learning English). Do you have any experience counseling missionaries or international believers on this topic?
Thanks,Tom
Tom, sorry, I don’t really have experience with this. But the thing that occurs to me is that you should establish this issue as a threshold for any potential native leadership. In other words, no Thai elders or deacons who don’t understand the importance of this.
Joy Comes in the Morning
Good evening Pastor Wilson,
I’m grateful you read our letters, and praying for a lovely Christmas season! I am in the midst of my second pregnancy, and I’m struggling mentally somewhat. On the one hand, I of course love, lord, and abundantly respect the glory which is childbearing and birth. I love our first born, and cannot wait to meet our second! Children are blessing, and I’m never going to deny that. On the other hand, I hate the state of being pregnant. I hate the usual sickness feeling, that never feeling full but always feeling nauseous, the random symptoms like skin issues or foggy brain (I forgot my own name once!), and I specially do not like the bulbous, bloated feeling at the last trimester. Is it wrong to feel this way? I know it all disappears immediately after I give birth, and some of it subsides a couple of weeks and months afterward. However, being in the midst of it is really a struggle and a stress, and I need especially in my mind to be able to function properly. Sometimes I’m so foggy brained that I leave things behind, fumble things, or forget to do things.Pregnancy Brain
PB, my father was the one who taught me to think of pregnancy as a form of loveliness. Being pregnant is not the same thing as being fat. It truly is a glory, and ought to be spoken of and thought of as such. So go to your husband, and offer to make him a deal. If he comes to you at any time in the last trimester, and tells you just how lovely you are, you promise to believe him. You will bow your head, and say thank you.
A Delicate Issue
Recently a life-long friend very dear to me, who is also an agnostic has asked me to marry him and his girlfriend, and she specifically wants a Christian ceremony. She is a supposed Christian but she’s dating an agnostic and they have been living in open fornication for over a year. While I would love to preach the gospel of grace to over 200 sinners that will be present, I will not be performing the ceremony and thus, I’ll be having a formal conversation with my friend in the next few days explaining to him why I would not marry them. What advice would you give me when speaking to him? My goal is to speak the truth in love. I want to emphasize the necessity for him to repent and believe on the Lord Jesus, for him to stop fornicating, etc. Am I missing any advice? Blessings,BI
BI, yes, you are right that you could not conduct such a wedding. What I would explain to him is that the spiritual mismatch is the problem. If she were also not a believer, I would have no hesitation performing the ceremony because it would end the fornication. The issue is that Scripture prohibits an unequal yoking.
Outside Observers
Alright, I’m sure that you have heard this objection myriad times to the Moscow Mood. However, I haven’t seen your perspective on this particular verse:
“Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil” (1 Timothy 3:7).
I’m sure you know where this is, the qualifications for Elder. Now obviously, if we’re paying attention to the whole Scripture we also know that Jesus says the world will hate us, and blessed are those who are persecuted for Christ’s sake. However, how can you reconcile the intentionally offensive serrated edge of the Moscow Mood with the clear command to be liked by outsiders?
The gospel is offensive, the Scriptures are offensive, but I feel as if Moscow is trying to enhance Scripture’s already keen edge. If you are seeking to be liked by outsiders in person, then why is this not translating to online? Doesn’t this verse mean that y’all need to still preach the truth lovingly, but dial back the scoffing and pugnacious rhetoric?
Really interested as to your rebuttal/perspective to this.K
K, I don’t think we should seek to be liked by outsiders. I think the passage is referring to the respect of outsiders. Those are two different things. And though it does not appear that Paul wrote those particular words from prison, he wrote so many of his letters while in chains that he easily could have. That should be factored in.
Tabernacle or Temple?
Did God ever want the people to build a temple? It seems as though the tabernacle communicated the Israelites’ nomadic experience on earth since it was a tent. Plus, there are no directions given for building the temple to a certain specification like there was with the tabernacle.
All in all, it appears as though the temple was something that God “put up with.” Thoughts?
Thanks!Caleb
Caleb, yes, I believe that the Temple was always in view. God was going to determine the place where He would establish His name. And when David resolved to build the Temple, Nathan did not discourage the project in any way—though he did push it off to the time of Solomon. And then God honored the dedication of the Temple with His glory cloud.
Work Flow
You produce a staggering amount of written words.
What is your average daily writing process like? Desktop vs. laptop? Dictation software vs. not? Squeezing in bits of writing here and there for brief spurts or deep, dedicated scheduled writing time? Late at night after other folks are in bed, or early in the morning?
Creative Claude prompts or some other mechanical Turk function or 100% human neural tissue?
I’m obviously very curious about the logistics of how you do it all.
Thanks in advance.Ben
Ben, I usually get up at 5, and do the bulk of my writing before I go to work around 8. I would estimate that this is when about 80% of it gets done. But I do fill in the cracks at various times during the day, and in the evening. I usually use a laptop at home. I occasionally use dictation, but not very much.
Thanks for Sharing It
A good friend of mine (Tim) wrote a blog called “a love that can hate” sharing his perpective on the NSA “Wanted” ad, and it was quite good.
I don’t presume that Doug would simply opt to read a blog that a stranger like myself might send his way. This is a long shot, I know.
However, my buddy is a critical thinker, a talented writer, loves and obeys his King and Savior (and is also a student and vocal supporter of Doug Wilson and team), and I wanted to pass his blog on. It’s worth the 5 minute read:
In any case, thank you for your work and ministry.Jeremy
Jeremy, thank you. And thank Tim for me. Good article.
The Good Stuff
I just started reading “Carry on, Jeeves”, and you were right. That P.G. Wodehouse fella was a funny bloke
Cordially,Some Guy From Wisconsin
SGFW, I couldn’t agree more.
So not enough men weren’t taken in by your BS so you decided to go around them and approach their wives. This is the strategy the serpent took in the garden and for the same reason. I’m going to engage with whatever political ideas I think might be fruitful and if someone wants to call me up before the elders so be it but God help the “elder” that tries to go around me to my wife and subvert my family.
If anything, Doug’s pattern is circumventing the wife and going straight to the husband. He does stuff like that when wives have abusive husbands.
Tom ask your missionary friends in other countries. They might be doing something more effectively that you can benefit from.