Letters on Bait, Baggage, Books and More

Thank you for the reminder to “Not Take the Bait”.

This, of course, is wise advice. I worry that some numbskull will go off half-cocked and do something really stupid.

It would be better in every sense if the electorate were to choose wisely. But when I consider the 2020 election, and certain shenanigans that seem fairly evident, there is some concern about 2024, if not the midterms themselves.

Our system being what it is, it seems to me that a presidential election is far too easy to manipulate.

So even if we choose wisely, what would be your advice should the whole election process by manipulated like all get-out and there being no denying it this time around (as if!).

Is there a point at which civil disobedience is warranted by the church for reasons of our governing authorities breaking their legal obligations beyond civil remedy?

I’m not talking about failing to give pedestrians the right away in a crosswalk. In other words, I don’t want anyone to break ANY just law and only end up hurting their neighbor while affecting our leaders not at all. I’m thinking more along the lines of tax revolt, or a general strike. Such things have been deployed in various places and at various times by a population to facilitate changes in the governing authorities.

Is there a time when Christians can feel justified participating in such things?

Thank you in advance for your thoughtful reply.

Roger

I propose an addendum to your apt and much-needed call of “Don’t take the bait.” I propose the following: “Don’t take the bait, but also prepare yourself and be ready in case it’s not just bait.”

Thoughts?

GH

Perhaps you’ve already seen the headline of Enoch Burke being imprisoned in Ireland for his stance on the transgenderism insanity at his school: I would love your thoughts on his stance, specifically on his refusal to obey the injunction, since it was this refusal that was the purported cause of the arrest. I’m hearing from some quarters that he took the Doctrine of the Lesser Magistrate too far here, but I’m not so sure. As I see it, there are 3 options: (1) he should have obeyed the injunction (2) he had the Christian freedom to obey the injunction if he wanted to pick his battles elsewhere, but he didn’t have to (3) he should not have obeyed the injunction. I’m currently leaning somewhere between 2 and 3.

Because pronouns are quickly proving themselves to be *the* flash point where the worlds collide and the persecution erupts (I’m facing this at my work too) I am trying to think through these issues and a lot of other people are too. This story of Enoch might warrant a full thought piece of yours, not just a letter response. But you’re the proprietor and I defer to you.

I’ve known Enoch since 2020 when he was interviewed by Jon Harris. I’ve read both his books and we’ve exchanged a few emails. He’s about as straight a shooter as they come. He’s even King James. Your kind of guy.

Blessings,

Martyn

I wanted to say first, thank you for all your faithful work. God has used you in many ways to bring about many important moments of repentance in my life and for that, I’m grateful. I had a somewhat practical question in response to your “A Brief Scattershot Primer on Christian Nationalism” blog post:

What wisdom would you give when it comes to things like when someone is attending a baseball game and they are/everyone is being called to stand for the national anthem, removing their hats, place their hands over their hearts, and “Pledge of Allegiance” to the flag. This is something that I have recently become uncomfortable with, but more because I don’t know what to think about it and less because of an active disdain towards it. I don’t want to be “pledging allegiance” in an idolatrous way and so I’ve deferred from doing so for now. I know not to cover my head in Church and to pledge allegiance to Christ, but not sure about how that plays out towards America.

Thank you,

Michael

A decent follow-up to the recent “Dear Darla” on Sexual Baggage might be some treatment of what proper desire a young man might have to marry a virgin. I was told I should and then did. There are some benefits I’ve received as an adult but have never heard a complete treatment of the topic. Should a young man desire a virgin? Is a young man justified in refusing to marry a non-virgin? Societal, moral and strategic considerations abound.

A curious listener,

Dan

“When women get trapped by it (not nearly as many as the men, but some), the issues are lust, insecurity about what they are supposed to be like, or curiosity about the competition.” I would also add, “searching for intimacy in all the wrong places.” I suspect many women become addicted to porn because they equate sex with intimacy, and the danger is that sex is one of the deepest forms of intimacy, and so they become ensnared to it thinking it’s providing them the intimacy they want, only to find it doesn’t, and then they’re trapped.

At the same time it’s also true that some women become porn users because they are driven by the same lusts as men, not to put too fine an amateur psychological take on it.

I also think there are far more women enslaved to porn than what we realize. I think if we knew we would be shocked.

J

Having read “Courtship and Marriage Baggage” you gave excellent counsel to the still single Darla regarding the history of Trent’s exposure to porn. However, a married woman in our acquaintance is attempting to negotiate through recent and habitual sexual infractions of her husband which are of a more severe nature. Any recommendations to help her find her way through this maze of violated trust would be appreciated.

George

“The only reason for saying no to him, in my view, would be the result of having an overly fastidious view of past sexual sins.” Doug, what do you mean by this? Can you explain a little bit more? Thanks.

grh

How important is a young lady’s family when thinking about pursuing her, and what should a young man generally keep in mind regarding her family before taking action?

Thanks,

Dawson

Re: Courtship and Sexual Baggage: Maybe one way of saying it is that if an issue does not qualify as a reason for divorce, that it also shouldn’t eliminate that person from the running as a potential spouse? So if we would not divorce our spouse over a porn problem that they were making efforts to deal with, then why would we also exclude a person as a potential spouse who is also doing the same?

Anon

My wife and I were discussing a problem last night when I said, “You know what? We should ask Doug.” So here goes.

I have a female co-worker who spent 20 years on the East Coast, 20 years on the West Coast, and very much lived like the heathens thereabouts (sex, drugs, the gamut). She eventually married and shortly thereafter divorced (the husband committed adultery). Then she found her way to my town where she joined my office as a hospitality concierge.

Between myself and some other faithful believers, she came to know the Lord’s goodness. (She had grown up Roman Catholic and attended a parochial school, but, as I said, was a heathen through and through). Her experience of God’s grace was quite a thing to behold, and it was helped along by my wife befriending her and, among other things, taking her through Barbara Mouser’s Five Aspects of Woman, which she found to resonate deeply in the new heart God had given her. For a year or so she was a crazy evangelist, literally talking about Jesus all the time, to anyone. She was renouncing all sorts of idols which the Lord was rooting out, and her mind was being renewed. She read the New Testament voraciously. The only negative I could point to is that she returned to the RCC; loves the aesthetic and all that.

Okay, so the stage is set. The problem we have now is that, after separating from her husband and before the divorce was complete, she herself began an adulterous relationship with a man from back in her hometown. This lasted for a year or so, and then circumstances took her away for another couple of years, after which she found herself in my town. In those two years she and this man were apart, they had no contact. But about a year into her transformation, he re-entered the picture. Now she is taking vacations with him and fornicating, yet finding all sorts of justifications/rationalizations for her sin. Both my wife and I have spoken the truth to her and warned her of the danger she is in, but she dismisses it with statements like “God is so good and he’s really blessing it.”

My question is . . . how should my wife and I relate to her? We have counted her a close friend over the least couple of years, and included her in our home for Christmas, Easter, birthdays, etc. We’ve asked some older believers about this situation and the general counsel we’ve received is to stay in her life, love her as we’re able, and wait for her to turn back to the Lord. However, 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 says to not associate with the sexually immoral brother and not even to eat with such a one. Should this be our course with her? What would you advise?

Many thanks, and keep up the good work.

Lance

In your last article you wrote about the difference between a suitor struggling with porn years ago, and a suitor struggling 3 weeks ago. How do you determine when a young man is ‘ready’ to think about marriage in regards to the timeline of his past history with porn? I know this is not a rule but I would love clarification if possible. Thanks, and I look forward to your response.

John

Your letter to Darla on sexual baggage in courtship has brought back some unpleasant questions for me. I had “the talk” about sexual history with my husband very early on because I had my own baggage and I anticipated that he did too because he did not grow up in a Christian home and is also a man. So I wasn’t surprised when he told me that porn addiction was in his past. Foolishly, I did not push too hard to see how far in the past his sexual sin was. My dad is not a believer and so he didn’t take the time to check my husband out while we were together. So instead I chose to lean on the recommendation of our pastors, who had known my husband for five or six years and could testify to his character. Fast forward to about five months ago when I discovered that my husband was not watching porn but still masturbating all the way up until we were married. He never sinned in this way after we got married, but obviously that didn’t lessen the blow very much. We went to our pastors, got counseling, etc. and we’re moving forward. I’m not bitter or angry and our marriage has significantly improved since that sin was finally confessed.

However, your letter resurfaced the nagging worries I had when all of this first erupted. My husband has been clean from watching porn for maybe four years now. But clearly he has not shown that he is able to exercise complete restraint without any sexual outlet, since now we’re married and I can satisfy that. My lingering fear is that that is going to come back to bite us both. I fear that his character is not strong in this area, since he has never proven himself to be able to resist sexual temptation consistently.

What do I do with that? We’re already married, I can’t just write him off as a suitor gone bad. The covenant has been made, the dotted line been signed. Do I just put this worry out of my mind and pray fervently that my husband will grow in the character he was lacking all this time? I’m a new Christian and going through this in our marriage has been one of our hardest battles. It’s so difficult to navigate. I appreciate any advice, no matter how small.

Jane Doe

What are your thoughts on a book business run by a faithful Christian which sells almost any book available? Maybe restricts the sale of NC-17 stuff, but otherwise sells what’s available. This would include books of Mormon, Quran, etc, right beside the cooking aisle.

Tyler

My question is “How do you cultivate a community of maturing believers that have a great appreciation for solid Christian books?”

My wife and I recently moved to Japan and as you may know, Christianity here is marginal. In that margin, we are finding, that maturing Christians are even more marginal. My question comes from discussions with my wife about how do we encourage and promote reading good books for others to see the many opportunities to grow.

Thanks,

Nick

Do you have any suggestions for how a covenantal Reformed woman can live well in a fundamental dispensational Baptist church? I am covenantally Reformed (as of 2020) and am married to a dispensational Baptist who is hostile toward Reformed theology. As I joyfully submit to him as the head of our family (thank you for all your rich guidance in this in your books!) and live peacefully with my brothers and sisters in the church, I am feeling a bit alone. I am thankful for Canon Press resources and the “To the Word” Bible reading plan, but are there any other suggestions? I am not divisive in the church but I do stick out like a sore thumb in some ways in being confessional as opposed to pious, being postmil, and how I view children/salvation. (I don’t treat children confessing Christ as though they “don’t understand the whole gospel and might not be saved yet.”) I treat them as fellow believers. My husband has told our elders that I am Reformed so there is a bit of a magnifying glass on me. I am very careful and discerning about what I talk about and I try not to teach anything to my kids contrary to what my husband believes. Do you know of any way I could find a Reformed community where I live? (Acton, California) that I can interact with at a women’s Bible study or as we celebrate sabbath dinner.

Thank you for all you and your family do. Your daughters are a great encouragement and example to me.

Under His rule and reign,

Ashley

This isn’t in reaction to a particular post, but a general question. As a pastor, what advice do you have to deal with criticism from within the church? I’m a small church pastor, and both the amount and intensity of criticism from certain members has noticeably increased lately. This seems to be tied to some much needed changes the elder board is currently initiating. It’s awkward to respond to criticism (or to address someone being excessively critical) without inviting the follow up accusation that I’m being defensive.

Thanks as always for all you do. You are a great shepherd to many even beyond Moscow.

B

In your NBC interview, you stated “the Bible teaches that homosexuality is not only a choice, but a sinful one.” I would posit that when the vast majority of non-Christian people hear this, what they *think* you are saying is that people always, universally choose to experience temptations to homosexual sex. This is what the world means when it uses the term “homosexuality”. They think “homosexuality” is the same thing as “same-sex attraction/temptation.” I know you do not believe this, but this is what they hear.

Many Christians believe this too, which is one reason why ministering to those who experience unwanted same-sex attractions is so difficult. Knowledge of their temptations often must be carefully guarded in the church, lest Christians throw more burdens and stumbling blocks in the way of brothers and sisters who are afflicted with this temptation. I have seen plenty of conservative, “Reformed” Christians accuse genuinely repentant brothers and sisters of “sinning” simply because they acknowledge they experience same-sex sexual temptations. This should not be so.

This also presents evangelistic challenges to those who identify as gay. The message they hear is that they can’t come to Christ until they *cease experiencing same-sex temptations* (“homosexuality”). But this is not the Good News. There is no promise of the cessation of temptation on this side of the resurrection (even as there might be opportunity for meaningful reduction of temptations—Dr. Nicolosi’s work comes to mind).

I hope this doesn’t come across as petty language policing, but the world really is decoding all of the messaging sexuality/gender topics using a *very* different dictionary. One that makes our witness on this topic come across as muddled, unclear, and radically detached from the lived experience of those who experience same-sex temptation.

Perhaps we need some new words.

Lewis

I have a question in regards to a Man Rampant episode.

(The Power & The Silence)

In the talk, you used an illustration of kids being told to play inside a fence. When the fence was taken away the kids huddled in the middle and would not go outside where the fence used to be. I believe the point of the discussion was about us being rule followers (masks, mandates, orders from the CDC etc.)

However, I remember another illustration you used (can’t remember where). In Christian story-telling you know what is going to happen when you start off . . . there was a little boy who was told not to go into the west wing of the castle . . . we know where the boy ends up going.

Are we rule followers or totally depraved always looking to break the rules?

Can’t thank you enough for your ministry!

PJ

I was wondering what your thoughts are on modern Anglican worship and piety. Coming out of a ‘spirit-led’ style of worship, I find myself very attracted to the standardized liturgy of the Book of Common Prayer’s weekly Eucharist/Service. I also love how their rights for Ordination are laden with theology and taken very seriously. The Daily Prayers have greatly aided my personal devotions, and I love how they structure the entire year around the life of Christ. I know that many of our Reformed brothers view all of this as anathema; I was wondering if you had any thoughts or objections to this form of spirituality.

-James

P.S. Episcopal government is something I am on the fence about but do not have a strong objections too. It seems like the red-headed cousin of Presbyterianism, both of which I view as far better than Independency.

James

Just quickly, I wanted to say how much your ministry has helped me grow in faithfulness to Christ over the past few years. So thank you and may God continue to bless you!

Now to business:

Just a bit of back story first though if that would be alright. My parents have been Christian school teachers for probably going on 40+ years now. They are Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB as Dr. James White refers to them), though not the strictest of the bunch (pants for women was never an issue, for example), and raised us in those types of churches. My dad’s dad was an adulterer and a drunk, as was my dad’s x-wife and my mom’s x-husband. My mom and dad met each other while working at the same Christian school and got married after only dating for a few months, got to work and had my two brothers and me. We went to Christian schools up through high school and attended every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday night church service and grew up in the Fundamentalist camp.

I strayed from church for a bit after high school and joined the Air Force, married my high school sweet heart, and got back in to church (a more non denom than IFB church but was technically still IFB) as I knew we needed it and her father expected it (praise God). Even when I was away from church, I prayed pretty much every day and regularly read my Bible. During that time I was able to form some convictions that differed from my parents. For example; drinking wasn’t forbidden, smoking a pipe or cigar to the glory of God was fine, etc. I got out of the military and moved back home to Maryland and after attending many Baptist churches in the area, couldn’t find one we liked, and my father-in-law convinced me to give their church a chance (A conservative PCA church, in the Annapolis area, imagine that!) which sounds crazy that an IFB kid would go to a Presbyterian church but we were living with them while we waited to get a job and a house of our own so I just said yeah sure, we will give it a shot. Fast forward a few months, and for some odd reason, we joined the church and about a year later were convinced of Calvinism, another year later we were convinced of Covenant baptism and had our two boys (at the time 3 and 1 years old, now we have another boy and our first little girl on the way!) immediately baptized into the Covenant. So now, being a pipe smoking, bourbon drinking, bible toting Presbyterian (the Doug Wilson type **shudders**), you can imagine how my parents feel about all of this. Although, they have told me many times how thankful they are that I love Jesus and take my family to church.

Anyways, the rest of my siblings, my dad’s children from his previous marriage included, are still very Arminian and I have prayed God would show them the truth in regard to God and His saving grace. By the grace of God, my oldest full brother (who I hadn’t really talked to for years) got a divorce from his adulterous wife, reconciled his relationships with our family, found a Christian girl, started going back to church (our Presbyterian church at that!), was also convinced of Calvinism, is now engaged to said girl, and is getting married at the beginning of next month!

All of that being said (sorry for being long winded, just trying to give you some history), me and my brother have been talking about the wedding and how our father will react to there being alcohol at the reception. We have already talked to our Pastor about the issue and he has given us some good advice, and we are also curious what advice you might add. Both my brother and myself have studied the issue (or lack thereof) of consuming alcohol to the glory of God and know that it is biblical, but my dad gets very upset at us even discussing the topic with him, He just closes his eyes and nods as we present our biblical reasoning to him and once we are done he will make his argument from his feelings and experiences without giving any thought to what the bible says. So with the honor your parents, hate your parents (the meaning in context), Jesus’s first miracle at the wedding, and weaker brother passages in mind, how should we go about this? My brother is planning to have an actual sit down conversation with our dad this Saturday (The conversations in the past were out of nowhere and went nowhere) and I will be there to help mediate the discussion.

So, are we wrong with having alcohol at the wedding? Is that dishonoring to our parents? How should we go about this?

My parents will still come to the wedding either way, they might just leave the reception early. Our father is very hard headed, likes to guilt trip us, and doesn’t believe we need to waste time on theology. He’s very difficult to have a good, open, biblical discussion with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you Pastor Wilson, God bless!

Jimmy

“The first Christian nation (which was probably Armenia) was not an only child. She was simply the eldest, knowing that there were going to be lots of other kids. And as that family fills out, God doesn’t want us squabbling about which one is the greatest, any more than Jesus wanted His disciples to argue about that same thing on the road to Jerusalem. So the “American exceptionalism” of the neo-cons is actually the idolatrous construct. What we are urging is simply one more Christian nation among many, and to God be the glory.”

It’s abundantly clear to me that God has abundantly honored covenants with our country at several key times in our history (and also how far we have drifted on our side of those covenants), and that God has a special regard for our country, similar to his special regard for each and every one of us. But it is definitely easy to drift into “American Exceptionalism” thinking, or go down some other blasphemous rabbit holes.

I’m wondering if you could speak more to right-thinking in this area, or point to someone who’s got a pretty good line of thought here.

Ian

Title: What Doug Thinks of The Rings of Power Series I’m an elder in the PCA, and this is my first comment on your site after a few years of reading, listening, and enjoying. Thank you for your ministry and for responding.

I consider you a Tolkien scholar, and I am curious to hear your take on the new LOTR prequel Amazon Prime released called, The Rings of Power. Have you watched it yet? I just finished the first 3 episodes after entering in skeptically, and I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised. I would enjoy hearing your review once you’ve watched it.

In Christ,

John

The wife and I are one hour from the new CREC church in Roanoke, VA. We would love to move there and attend faithfully; we are still attending my father’s Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church. I teach there regularly, and a part of me hopes for a reform that I have yet to see. This presses on my mind as we want to start a family soon and I do not want my child to grow up in the environment of the IFB culture as I did. I wonder what your thoughts are on going to a solid Reformed Church vs trying to reform one I teach at.

P.S. I wholeheartedly embrace paedobaptism as well as presbyterian polity.

James

I just wanted to write in to encourage and say thank you. I know that you receive a lot of negative letters (flak and shrapnel from being right over the target as I believe you say), but I have been vastly edified by your work over the several years I have been able to read/watch it. I have read several of your books and am thankful for the knowledge I have gleaned from them. My current favorites are Reforming Marriage and To a Thousand Generations. I also subscribed to Canon+ when that launched and was happy to see the vast library of great video and audio content that has been put out.

Thank you for the work done for the kingdom . I look forward to keep learning from you and likewise building the kingdom

Nathan