An Unfair World

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The situation described in the following letters continues to be entirely fictitious, including persons, names, crimes, sins, relationships, circumstances and all particulars. The kind of situation that is described, however, is all too common and my hope is that biblical principles applied to this fictitious scenario may be of some help to individuals tangled up in a real one.

Dear Gabrielle,

So your questions are fair, and totally to be expected. If I understand you rightly, you believe that it is grossly unfair that you, already victimized by a predatory male, have to be the one who is then exhorted (by Dutch uncles or by anyone else) to watch for this and to be careful about that. Doesn’t this move the burden for avoiding future harassment, or molestation, or even rape, from the perpetrator, where it belongs, to the victim where it most certainly doesn’t? And isn’t this just one step away from blaming the victim, shaming the victim, and so forth? Have I captured your question rightly?

Like many of these questions, the two basic answers reveal completely different worldview assumptions—about the nature of the world, the nature of man, and the role of our personal responsibility in avoiding harm.

Christians believe two things about the world, and we believe them simultaneously. We believe that the world is a gift from God, along with everything it contains, for which we are to give constant thanks, and at the same time we believe that the world has been radically broken by the sin and rebellion of mankind. The end result is the kind of thing you see in the response of the hymn-writer, who once wrote “where every prospect pleases, and only man is vile.” So on the one hand you find us delighting in creational goods, and on the other consistently warning people to be cautious about this particular practice, or that part of town.

Now if the world is such a wonderful place, but with thoroughly messed-up things and people in it, how are we to navigate this latter reality? There are two approaches, and we may call them the responsibility approach and the resentment approach. The resentment approach expects everyone else to fix their problems first, so that I can carry on without any fear of be hurt or assaulted. This is the approach, frankly, of the sentimentalist. The responsibility approach takes the brokenness of the world as a fixed given, and modifies its own behavior accordingly. The responsibility approach wants to transform the world also—which desperately needs to be transformed—but decides to begin with the one part of the world it has actual control over, and that would be over its own choices and actions. Start where you can actually do something.

Now one taunt that is immediately thrown at the responsibility approach by the resentment approach is that we are somehow justifying the thieves and robbers, the rapists and the murderers. The jab is that we are somehow secretly rooting for them. By assuming they will always be there, we are letting them always be there. And we let them do that, then this is the result we must somehow want.

No, of course not. Crimes are not zero sum games—it is not as though responsibility for “the incident,” whatever it is, has to add up to a total of 100%. If that were the case, then if we ever found any fault with a victim, who left his bicycle unlocked, say, or his wallet on the seat of his car, it is not as though finding fault with him at 10% means that the thief is now only responsible for 90%. Not at all. The thief is simply a thief. The thief should receive the same penalty whether his victim was a fool or took every reasonable precaution. The guilt of the perpetrator is constant.

So whenever a crime is committed, if the victim put himself in harm’s way foolishly, that is his own problem, and has nothing whatever to do with minimizing the responsibility of the one who took advantage of him. There is a difference between saying that a victim deserves to be a victim and saying that he shouldn’t be surprised he is a victim.

Advocates of the resentment approach will often use lurid statistics in order to motivate us all to take corporate action to fix the societal problem, but the difficulty with their figures is that they prove far too much. For example, those who argue that we live in a patriarchal “rape culture,” are saying this because they want programs and measures and laws that will (so they say) deal with these problems in the culture at large. But in the meantime, when they say that one in four women attending college will be raped, what they are telling me as a father is that I would be out of my mind to send my daughter to college. Those are terrible odds.

But if I respond that way, I immediately find myself attacked for “blaming the victim.” A girl should be able to go to college, they say, without having to worry about a thing like that. This is quite true, but it should not be a thought crime to notice that, in the meantime, these same people are telling me that the current odds are appalling. It is not possible to argue that one in four women are raped if we are talking about the programs we wish to see instituted, but if we are talking to parents at prospective student weekend, the campus is now totally safe. Corporate, societal problems (real or perceived) will result in changes of individual behavior.

And remember, to change behavior on an individual level, in the interests of self-preservation, is not to bless the criminal’s efforts.

I know that you have had dealings with folks who think like this. They want us to treat society-at-large as though it were two completely contradictory societies, one laid on top of the other. Depending on the subject under discussion, they want to toggle back and forth between these two societies—the safe one and the awful one. But when you say that the world is simply unsafe, period, and take whatever responsibility for your own safety in it you can, they say that this is an intolerable burden for you. You shouldn’t have to bear that, they say. And those who urge you to pick up this responsibility, as I did, and bear it cheerfully, without resentment, are thought themselves to be a big part of the problem. This is why I label this outlook on the world as the resentment approach. It does nothing itself, expects everything else and everybody else to change first, and complains loudly when it doesn’t ever change. What is that if not resentment?

The next time you are in a discussion like this—and I know you have been in them already—here is something you could do that illustrates the problem well. When the people around you are talking as though the world is nothing but a grim and evil place, and how every man is a potential rapist, just add to the discussion by cheerfully agreeing and saying that this is why you are a big believer in the Second Amendment. This is why you are going to be getting your concealed carry permit before you leave home. The ensuing conversation will be interesting. They cannot accuse you of taking the side of the rapist when all you have done is avail yourself of the means to shoot the rapist.

One last thing. You mentioned in your questions, and you still might feel, that the whole thing is unfair. But that is exactly my point. When I say that the world is a sinful place I am saying that the world is an unfair place. Yes, exactly. Sin refuses to treat people with equity. If it were equitable and just and fair, it wouldn’t be sin. Not only is the world an unfair place, but it looks to remain that way throughout my lifetime and yours. And as long as the world remains sinful and fallen, it will be unfair.

If the world were fair, I wouldn’t have to lock my car doors. Women wouldn’t have to carry pepper spray in their purses. We wouldn’t need lawyers to draw up contingencies in case of culpable defaults. We wouldn’t need security checkpoints at airports. But the world really is unfair. If the world suddenly became fair overnight, a good portion of the economy would collapse.If the world suddenly became fair overnight, a good portion of the economy would collapse.

Going back to the theme of my previous letter, if the world were fair, you wouldn’t need to worry about smiling at boys. You wouldn’t need to make sure you had your own car, or a safe ride home, whenever you agreed to go to a party. You wouldn’t need to worry about your father’s old college friends—yes, I heard about them—complaining that he is in jail because you led him on. None of this is fair, and I grant it. The world is unfair, and as Christians we are called to fight that inequity. But we fight it by starting with ourselves, and by refusing to resent the fact of evil. We fight evil; we do not resent it.

But the fact that circumstances are unfair does not mean that they might not get even more unfair. The world is a rocky slope, and all I am doing is asking you to bring your climbing shoes. Showing up in heels and complaining about the rockiness of the climb is simply making a difficult problem worse than it had to be. Remember, no problem is so bad but that you can’t make it worse. And on that cheerful note, I think I will sign off for the present . . .

Cordially in Christ,

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Valerie (Kyriosity)
4 years ago

Reading this, I’m realizing how much God protected me as a very clueless college student. Man was I dumb!

Jamberry
Jamberry
4 years ago

Wow. Same here.

Rob Steele
Rob Steele
4 years ago

I fully expect to be saying the same thing later about myself now.

ME
ME
4 years ago

Well, if Me does not show up and make a comment, no one will have any of that delicious righteous indignation to wallow in. Pastor Wilson’s approach is rape culture, it is feminism, it is based on the belief that most men are potential rapists, that Gabrielle is now required to protect herself in a world full of orcs, and later to accept her lot in life as the wife of one such orc-like creature. That however is a deception, that is allowing her pervy father to define reality, to shape her perception of men. That is a lie.That is… Read more »

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

And then we’ll all hold hands and sing “Reach out and touch somebody’s hand.” And the Ted Bundys of this world will still be murdering young girls who thought it was safe and bold to get into cars with strangers.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Yep, and you can live in perpetual fear, trying desperately to cling to some sense of control, but in the end you’ll just drive yourself crazy. Ted Bundy liked to play the wounded bird, exploit women’s empathy. We can teach women not to care,not to help strangers, but that is too high of a price to pay for the illusion of safety.

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Jesus said: “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.” [Matt. 10:16 NASB]

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

“And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell….Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.”

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Seriously, ME, have you advised your daughters to get into cars with strangers? Have you told them never to do anything to protect themselves against sexual assault? Do you tell them that all men are trustworthy and just dying to help them out?

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Statistically,our fictional Gabrielle would have been better off getting into a car with a stranger, than staying home with her pervy father. We like to deny those truths,but they’re real enough. Strangers aren’t nearly as dangerous as the people we know and trust.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

That is true. But only a fool would tell a girl to get into a car with a stranger under most circumstances.

Wesley Sims
Wesley Sims
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Interesting that no answer is being provided.

Oscar Schneegans
Oscar Schneegans
4 years ago
Reply to  Wesley Sims

“Interesting that no answer is being provided.” ~ Wesley Sims

No answers, but – predictably – plenty of deflection and obfuscation.

ME
ME
4 years ago

There’s no deflection or obfuscation going on. Ask any survivor of family violence and sexual abuse and she’ll likely tell you, “I’ll take the kindness of strangers over the love of family any day.”

Apparently some people are not understanding that home is often the most dangerous place for women to be, not in a stranger’s car.

Oscar Schneegans
Oscar Schneegans
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

If you in fact did not intend to deflect jillybean’s questions or to obfuscate, then please answer them this time.

Have you advised your daughters to get into cars with strangers? Have you told them never to do anything to protect themselves against sexual assault? Do you tell them that all men are trustworthy and just dying to help them out?

ME
ME
4 years ago

Actually all of them are probably a greater threat to men than men are to them. You’ll have to blame their dad for that.

Wesley Sims
Wesley Sims
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

That’s right! Don’t answer the question they asked; answer the question you wanted them to ask.

You’ve a bright future as a politician, ME!

Wait, I take that back:

Actually all of them are probably a greater threat to men than men are to them. You’ll have to blame their dad for that.

Apparently–and thankfully–ME’s husband had the good sense to do exactly what ME is chastising Wilson for doing.

bethyada
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

I’ll take the kindness of strangers over the love of family any day.

Yes, and given the circumstances understandable as well.

All the more reason to say to her that while many strangers are friends she has yet to meet, not all are. Because of her distrust of family and over-trust of strangers she may need to be cautioned slightly more strongly. Some men know how to work abused girls before discarding them. Be aware.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

We only need to think of all the abused young girls who run away from home and end up on the streets being controlled by pimps. Sexual traffickers feed off young, abused girls.

Dunsworth
Dunsworth
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Who may have thought, “I’ll take the kindness of strangers over the love of family any day.” A totally understandable thought in many circumstances, but still a setup for bad outcomes.

katecho
katecho
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

ME wrote:

“And fear not them which kill the body …”

In choosing this passage, ME seems to be overlooking that the Bible affirms there are some who want to kill the body.

Fortunately, neither Scripture nor Wilson prescribe fear. Rather they prescribe taking responsibility.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

I don’t think those are the only two options facing us. Nobody is saying that women shouldn’t help strangers. But neither should they get into cars with them.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Your odds of electrocuting yourself while prying toast out of the toaster with a butter knife are higher than your odds of being kidnapped and murdered by a stranger. Stranger danger is one of the most over-hyped fear mongering bits of nonsense ever invented.

And certainly a sad and pathetic reason to teach women to fear men, to perceive them all as potential serial killers, to malign half the human race.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

I don’t think the vast majority of people are serial killers. I think that the definition of “stranger” is “somebody I don’t know anything about.” He may be a wonderful person; he may not be. The point is that I can’t tell in advance. This means that while I will be helpful (if necessary) to this person, I will not put myself in a position to be harmed by him (or her). I can’t believe you are teaching your daughters that they have nothing to fear from getting into cars with strange men. Have you taught them how to hitch-hike… Read more »

FeatherBlade
FeatherBlade
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

It is feminists who do that, ME.

The rest of us acknowledge that some men are like that, and you can’t tell just from looking at them which ones it is.

Just like you can’t tell by looking at them which women will go bunny-boiler.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  FeatherBlade

Well, just for the record, I prefer my rabbits chicken fried in a bit of bacon grease.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  FeatherBlade

Love the expression.

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

I read your second and third paragraphs to be wallowing in “delicious righteous indignation” or, probably more correctly, “self-righteous indignation”. Rather than “allowing her pervy father to define reality”, I think Wilson is saying that we should recognize the reality that the world is already broken and sin is present, that is, reality is already defined. That recognition provides us the framework for wise behavior. That position is entirely consistent with what the Bible says about our world and sin.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

“I think Wilson is saying that we should recognize the reality that the world is already broken and sin is present, that is, reality is already defined.”

Well, he shouldn’t be saying that at all.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Conforming to the world (being sinful) is very different from discerning that the world is generally sinful. Nevertheless, compare your interpretation with what Jesus had already said: “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.” [Matt. 10:16 NASB]. Here, Jesus is recognizing the reality of sin in the world, and telling the “twelve” to be careful in their behavior while still acting in a godly way.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

That is what we are to be doing. NOT perceiving men as potential perpetrators,wildebeests with no sexual control of their own whom women must fear, least they get some of their sin on us,which shall also be our fault of course. Utter rubbish, and not a true reflection of the real world,either.

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Please note that, unlike you seem to be, Wilson did not focus entirely on men, sexual sin, and its impact on women. He also spoke of thieves, robbers, and murderers as he tried to explain two approaches to the reality of the world.

katecho
katecho
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Does ME give her online banking password to strangers, or does she perceive strangers as potential perpetrators?

katecho
katecho
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

We shouldn’t think of resentment and responsibility as a single, one-dimensional spectrum. Rather (ir)responsibility is on one axis, and resentment/gratitude is on the other. This understanding enables Wilson to address the goodness of creation, and the dangers of a fallen creation. Wilson is advocating that we seek to be found in the upper-right quadrant of high gratitude and high responsibility.

The opposite quadrant would be resentment, and irresponsibility.

Unfortunately, what ME seems to be advocating is the lower-right quadrant. High gratitude and irresponsibility.

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago

I pretty much agree with everything in this post, but again, have a really hard time believing that it would get through in this manner to a young girl who had recently been the victim of (apparently habitual) sexual assault.

There were numerous places where I cringed thinking about how she could take it wrong, but mostly, it’s just way too abstract/theoretical for most girls in that space unless they had been very heavily primed with all of this already.

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  Douglas Wilson

I think you misunderstood my issue. I do not disagree with the content. (Well, except the CCP of course, but that’s a conversation for that topic.) And I’ve never met the Victim Industry you speak of in any of the actual work I do with victimized girls, but outside of the gun I didn’t notice anything that we would consider unusual in terms of advice to the girl. My issue, primarily, is that much of the time you hardly even sound like you’re speaking to her. It’s framed like a persuasive essay in college with all these abstractions and side… Read more »

Bibcnsl
Bibcnsl
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

We need to remember that this girl does not exist. These letters are for our benefit as much as they are for this hypothetical person. Therefore, he is speaking to us about how to minister to rape victims, through the genre of the instructive letter. Also, normal conversation is very different than written communication. If you try to counsel someone through letters, then you will realize that it is very different than counseling through face to face interactions. In face to face counseling, clearly Wilson would not be able to get out his essay. There will be a lot more… Read more »

Bibcnsl
Bibcnsl
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

Invariably, if you are going to write a series of instructive letters like this, then what you would do is sit down and make a list of all of the general issues at work in a discussion like this. Then, what you would do is arrange them in some sort of logical order. Then, you address those individual topics in some sort of ideal presentation. Assuming the victim had the ability to follow a logical argument, the patience to read a lengthy letter, the desire to conform their thoughts to Scripture, what would this sort of person ultimately need to… Read more »

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

“My issue, primarily, is that much of the time you hardly even sound like you’re speaking to her” I hear you Jonathan. But Wilson is writing a fictional essay, kind of an expository demonstrating his own understanding of abuse issues. You’ve nailed it here however, “My issue, primarily, is that much of the time you hardly even sound like you’re speaking to her.” It is totally devoid of heart, lacking compassion, in fact she’s not even a person,she’s just a target for a political agenda or a religious ideology. The nature of the comments also reveal outright hostility, total contempt… Read more »

Wendy
Wendy
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Actually I think when we are going through something particularly hard and painful, often the worst thing we can do is lean on our own understanding. I think it would be much more important to our recovery to talk to ourselves about what is true and and if you had as wicked a father as this one, chances are you wouldn’t know what was true and faithful counsel such as what is offered in these letters would be a huge blessing. In our darkest places it would be ammunition against the enemy.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  Wendy

All true, and I try to cut Pastor Wilson some slack here because I believe he does do that in person, in individual contexts that can’t always be seen across the internet, or expressed in this kind of essay.

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

In what capacity and in what way do you work with victimized girls? What is the “primary thing” that they need? I would be interested in seeing your version of this letter, based on your experience, for my and others’ education. Perhaps you could put one in the comments here (or on your own blog or other location).

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

A number of different things, but the most relevant has been running a safe house and acting as a foster parent for girls from abusive backgrounds.

I don’t feel like I have the knowledge or experience yet to write my own set of such letters. I’m still in process. In this case, I’m just commenting on some aspects of it that certainly would not appear likely to work in the cases I have dealt with.

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

Again, what is the “primary thing” that they need?

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

I’m afraid of being a bit stereotypical here, as not every girl is the same obviously and not every experience is the same (even the same girl in two different stages of her life might need two different things), but as long as we are being general, I would say the answer is: To know they are loved, both by God and by other humans beings, to understand what healthy love looks and feels like, to experience that love in a secure and lasting way, to know what needs can and can’t be met through relationships with other people, to… Read more »

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

To summarize, they need what every person on earth needs. Your answer is excellent, by the way, but I don’t see it as specific to abuse victims. I expect that certain aspects of these needs are common to most abuse victims, for example, the nature of healthy male-female relationships. Nonetheless, it will still vary according to each situation and the individual involved. The best counseling (“professional” or otherwise) will be tailored accordingly. I presume that both you and Wilson do this in real life.

"A" dad
"A" dad
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

“And I’ve never met the Victim Industry you speak of in any of the actual work I do with victimized girls,” J’, the two links below go to sites that are “christian” versions of the victim industry. https://cryingoutforjustice.com/2017/05/15/acfj-does-not-recommend-lundy-bancrofts-retreats-or-his-new-peak-living-network/ http://www.hagarssisters.org/aboutusNew/ourendorsements.html This link goes to the cult of a principal charlatan in the victim industry, Lundy Bancroft. http://transitiontoanewworld.blogspot.com/2011/03/new-spiritual-community.html Here is Lundy Bancroft’s new light weight “cult”. https://peaklivingnetwork.wordpress.com/principles/ Finally, with regard to Wilson’s style of dialogue, if you read John 4, where Jesus is talking to the woman at the well, it is a good dialogue, but not one I would have expected… Read more »

Indigo
Indigo
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

it’s just way too abstract/theoretical for most girls in that space

A young woman I know who was beaten and neglected through her whole childhood now has a neuroscience degree (which she began while still living in an abusive home) because she wanted to understand what had happened to her psyche. She has told me it’s pretty common for young people who have been abused to go into these fields for that very reason, because it is helpful to analyse and understand what they have been through from a more clinical perspective.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  Indigo

I don’t think Jonathan’s concern is with content but rather with delivery. This is where an imaginary exchange of letters is almost certain to seem less warm and personal than a real one.

"A" dad
"A" dad
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

It’s like some of these letters are from, oh, I don’t know, a “Dutch Uncle”? ; – )

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  Indigo

Oh, I don’t disagree with that. I just think that it’s unlikely that that is the primary space where they find healing in God. Someone can seek out intellectual answers on their own, but when they’re being counseled by a spiritual adviser, they’re looking to be spoken to, not spoken about. As you answer appears to reflect, this reads more like college material than heart-to-heart counseling.

Rob Steele
Rob Steele
4 years ago

Good stuff.

Typo: “without any fear of be hurt”

FeatherBlade
FeatherBlade
4 years ago

They cannot accuse you of taking the side of the rapist when all you have done is avail yourself of the means to shoot the rapist. At this very moment, having read this statement, a rape-culture True Believer, anti-gun feminist is saying “Hold my wine spritzer….” Actually their counter-argument is that “You can’t give women guns, because the men will take the guns away from the women and shoot the women with them.” Then they accuse you of arming rapists so they can do their thing more effectively. Saying “Well, that’s why you give the woman a backup knife” doesn’t… Read more »

ME
ME
4 years ago

“But in the meantime, when they say that one in four women attending college will be raped…” Actually that statistic is a lie, total propaganda. The original statistic guestimated one in four women will be raped in their life time. The vast majority of victims are children and the disabled. College age girls are actually the least likely age group to be raped. This is not Pastor Wilson’s fault of course, I’ve seen that same statistic bandied all over the place and even printed in college literature. But when you dig into the actual numbers, many colleges report no rapes… Read more »

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

More correctly, the claim is that “One in four college women report surviving rape or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime.” As I understand it, “in their lifetime” is their lifetime up to that point in college.A little research shows current claims of about 1 in 5 women attending college will be sexually assaulted, and about 2/3 of these assaults will be rapes. Some of these assaults are “he kissed me when I didn’t want him to”. And some of the rapes will be “I got drunk and had sex with him, but I didn’t really want to”.… Read more »

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

I’d have write a thesis to debunk all the statistics properly, but here’s an article from the Daily Beast that begins to take it apart

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/21/how-misleading-is-the-new-one-in-four-campus-rape-statistic

OKRickety
OKRickety
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

Thanks for the links. I have never believed these claims. Unfortunately, they seem to be readily believed (due to the propaganda machine?).By the way, if you write that thesis, you could well be on the way to a degree. 😁

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  OKRickety

It stands to reason that college women will have a higher than average incidence of rape victimization because they are in innately high risk situations. I would imagine the military is similar, and for much the same reasons.

Adam
Adam
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics women who attend college are less likely to be raped than college-aged women who are not enrolled in college.

https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/rsavcaf9513.pdf

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  Adam

Very odd.

D
D
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Not so odd. College students are by and large higher SES than the broader population and have lower crime rates. The first rule of avoiding becoming a victim (of anything) is avoid dangerous people and places. The press loves to play up the dangerous debaucherous college life, but the average low income 20yr old girl at a house party is in much more danger.

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Some statistics from Pentagon and Department of Defense studies in the last five years. 80% of women in the U.S. military have been sexually harassed. 25% of women in the U.S. military have been sexually assaulted. 34% of the women said that they reported their assault. However, the official numbers on reported assaults are consistent with only 13% reporting. So either nearly 2/3 of the women claiming to have reported assault in anonymous surveys did not actually do so, or nearly 2/3 of the women who report assault are not seeing those reports ever make their way into the official… Read more »

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

Horrifying.

D
D
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

All good reasons (as if we needed any more) why there should be no women in the military.

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago
Reply to  D

I hope that really wasn’t your first thought when you read those numbers.

Valerie (Kyriosity)
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

It was my first thought: Why are we putting women, who are meant to be protected, into a situation where a) they’re taking on the role of protectors, and b) they need protection from those who should be protecting them? Why are those called to be protectors, both generally by virtue of their sex and specifically by virtue of their chosen profession, allowing this setup to occur, and why are so many of them perpetrating these appalling crimes? It’s all part of the same fabric—our cultural rebellion against God’s design for men and women.

Jonathan
Jonathan
4 years ago

The dysfunction of the perpetrators, and what’s going wrong in their upbringing, training, and discipline to allow such things to happen, and then the complete failures within the chain of command which not only allow such things to happen but frequently result in retaliation from within the chain of command to the victim, strike me as primary, more obvious issues. There are a great number of military men who do not want women in the military. But you should still be able to protect women who are there, whether it is your desire or not that they are there. In… Read more »

Valerie (Kyriosity)
4 years ago
Reply to  Jonathan

I’d say that was all part and parcel of the same thing. The perpetraitors (intentional misspelling) have been brought up in rebellion against God’s design. The failures within the chain of command reflect a rejection of it. The systemic not-giving-a-crap-about-women is the natural result of throwing out what God says about how women should be treated — with honor, dignity, and protection.

Adam
Adam
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

He wrote that other people say that is true not that it is true.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  Adam

Yes precisely,which is why I said this is not Pastor Wilson’s fault. In truth it is the fault of President Obama and the Justice Dept he commissioned to give him the statistics he needed in order to fear monger people about the war on women and campus rapes.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

No fear that President Trump will take a hard line on sexual assault.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

I totally understand the cynicism, but actually President Trump is proving to be a great advocate.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/03/31/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-april-2017-national-sexual-assault

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

This has been an annual event since Obama first introduced it in 2009. Every April since then has been National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month.

The remarkable thing, given his history, is that Trump didn’t cancel it.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

Sexual assault awareness week began in 1976, Jilly. Take Back The Night rallies. Obama was only 11 years old. It went national in 2001.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

I was referring to April being Sexual Assault Awareness month.

National Sexual Assault Awareness Month – Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_Assault_Awareness_Month… Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) is an annual campaign to raise public awareness … In 2009, President Obama was the first United States president to proclaim April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Bike bubba
4 years ago

My take here is that teaching people how to avoid problems is hardly equivalent to blaming the victim. Blaming the victim would be to tell them that since they ignored the graffiti and bars on all the shop windows, that they deserved to be mugged. This is simply a note “pay attention when you’re driving through a neighborhood with graffiti and bars on the windows.” Advice that has served me well, by the way.

Oscar Schneegans
Oscar Schneegans
4 years ago
Reply to  Bike bubba

You’re being sensible. Your ride to the Leftist reeducation camp will be along post haste.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago

Heaven preserve us from common sense!

Bike bubba
4 years ago

Will there be snacks on the flight to the gulags?

bethyada
4 years ago

I do lock my car every day but I confess, the shame I feel in perpetuating car theft in the community can seem almost intolerable.

"A" dad
"A" dad
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

Thanks for locking your car! That keeps me safe when I do my daily “thief walk”! ; – )

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

Cars are a bit different from people aren’t they? What if the very sight of you was thought to lead people to sin? What if your mere existence was thought to be a catalyst for crime? How do you plan to lock that up? With cheerful fortitude attempting to maintain this perfect balance between “friendly and yet distant,” while at the same fearing the “smiles of boys,”and the whole time comforting yourself in the idea that life is not fair and has now unjustly burdened you? Imagine yourself as your car, tightly locked up, forced to constantly look over your… Read more »

bethyada
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

The analogy was the person locking the car, not the car.

I don’t think that Doug wants Gabrielle to be fearful of boys’ smiles. She is free to enjoy them. But it is prudent to know that some boys have different motivations.

ME
ME
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

“Going back to the theme of my previous letter, if the world were fair, you wouldn’t need to worry about smiling at boys.”- Wilson

bethyada
4 years ago
Reply to  ME

ME, smiling from boys and smiling at them are different.

And Doug is just saying that in a fair world there would be no ulterior motives. In this world there are, so caution is needed. I don’t read this as saying you can’t smile at people in general.

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

There is smiling and then there is smiling. I certainly knew the difference!

jillybean
jillybean
4 years ago
Reply to  bethyada

I feel so incredibly guilty about all the times, when I was young and pretty, that I refused kind invitations from innocent strangers. The ones that yelled “Hey, Baby, do you want a ride?” How uptight and narrow minded of me.

Enriquetaafenn
Enriquetaafenn
4 years ago
Reply to  jillybean

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