NB: This is a little something written for a forthcoming book from Canon called How to Exasperate Your Wife.
Here are 25 questions, along with some suggested answers.
1. What is the first challenge of biblical masculinity?
To have enough of it to be willing to articulate what it is in public.
2. Is not the subject of human sexuality filled with nuance?
Yes, it is. And the first sign that you have worked through it with sufficient care is that nobody thinks you have any.
3. I am beset with sexual temptations. Does God have a solution for me?
Yes. The love of a good woman who is willing to make love to you for the rest of your life.
4. But I am not married. What should I do about sexual temptation in that case?
You should find out her name, and ask her.
5. What is the best thing I can do for my children?
On an earthly level, the best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother.
6. What is the next best thing I can do for my children?
Get a job where you have to work hard, make sure you do in fact work hard, providing their mother with the wherewithal to feed and clothe them, and to provide them all with a godly education.
7. What do I do if I don’t understand my wife?
God didn’t tell you to understand her. He said to love her. Try starting with that.
8. Doesn’t the apostle Peter say that husbands are to live with their wives with understanding?
Yes, he does. Mysteries are to be handled with understanding, which is not the same thing as understanding mysteries.
9. What are the most important things I can do to foster family unity?
Worship together, pray together, eat together, laugh together, and read together.
10. Why are men sexually attracted to other men?
It is the judgment of God upon our culture because we would not honor God as God and would not give Him thanks. Therefore God has given men over to the downward spiral of their renegade lusts fueled by father hunger.
11. How did God imprint His image on the human race?
He did this by creating us male and female. Any attempts to reconfigure this arrangement are therefore explicit assaults on the image of God.
12. What is the most important word in the marriage vows?
In our time, because of the peculiar form our disobedience has taken, the most important word is obey. And it is the most important word whether or not it is included in the vows. Like a father who has abandoned his family, that word can dominate through its absence.
13. What is biblical masculinity?
It is the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility.
14. How do I acquire the authority to live like this?
Authority naturally flows to those who take responsibility. Authority routinely flees those who seek to blame others.
15. What is the confessional issue of our time?
The confessional issue of our time is human sexuality, biblically defined.
16. Why are women sexually attracted to other women?
This also is the judgment of God upon our culture, and is the result of men — fathers, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, husbands, and ex-husbands — mistreating girls and women. Women ineffectively try to build a fortress that will protect them from rebellious male sexuality, but it cannot work. Despite this protest, many self-identified lesbians remain sexually accessible to selfish men, and the “burned by men” phenomenon just gets continually worse. This too is fueled by father hunger.
17. What are the most important things I can do to foster marital unity?
Worship together, pray together, eat together, sleep together, laugh together, and read together.
18. How can I communicate to my wife how hard it is to take this kind of responsibility?
You shouldn’t try. It is more important for you to be a protective father to her than for her to be a comforting mother to you. Your wife should know that you are faithful. She may or may not know how hard it is. If you are not a whiner, you will not make a point of letting her know.
19. What do I do when my wife doesn’t understand me?
She is not supposed to understand you. She is supposed to respect you.
20. What is the second best thing I can do for my wife?
Dinner for two at Angelo’s, followed by a leisurely walk on the beach in the moonlight.
21. What is the best gift I can give my wife?
On an earthly level, the best gift you can give your wife is to be a true and faithful father to her children.
22. What do I do about remaining sexual temptations, despite the fact that I am married?
Recognize that you answer to Christ for your sin, and not primarily to your wife. Unrepented sexual sin, including your internal lusts, is a violation of your marriage vows, but it is a more profound violation of your baptism. Deal with it on that level first.
23. So having repented, what do I do about it?
Recognize that you are not yet devoted to your wife as a complete woman. If she is your wife in the bedroom, but everywhere else is a servant (or dominatrix), you need to confess your overall husbandly neglect of her, and ask God to dismantle the standing wall of partition you have built up between the two of you. Sexual lusts grow on that wall like ivy.
24. What is the great danger sign that preachers and teachers in the church are compromised on the topic of sexuality?
The great danger sign is carefully-parsed, visible nuance, coupled with an unwillingness to attack sexual sin, particularly the perversions. As Chesterton noted, to be carefully wrong is a distinguishing mark of decadence.
25. All of this is a high challenge. Will I be able to incorporate these truths into my life?
That is up to you. But even if you do not believe yourself to be enough of a man, you can at least make the effort manfully.