Scripture teaches us what to think about a man who finds a wife. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). And to this we might also add, whoso findeth a wife after a long time findeth a good thing, and also obtaineth favor from the Lord. Some of the Lord’s best gifts are gifts that are received after a long period that calls for the hard lessons of patience.
We just heard Psalm 37 read for us. There we learn that we are to “trust in the Lord” (v. 3). If we delight in Him, He will grant the desires of our heart (v. 4), but just a few verses later we are told that we need to wait for that grace from Him patiently (v. 7).
And there is another aspect to this patient waiting, a point that the psalm reinforces repeatedly. Those who do this will inherit the earth (v. 9). The meek shall inherit the earth (v. 11), a truth quoted by Jesus. The upright man’s inheritance is forever (v. 18). Those blessed by a righteous and generous man will also inherit the earth (v. 22). The righteous shall inherit the land (v. 29). Wait on the Lord—there’s our friend patience again—and He will exalt you to the point of inheriting the land (v. 34).
Now many of these earthly blessings and spiritual heirlooms are bestowed on us through the instrumentality of marriage. This is one of God’s central gifts. Not only marriage, and not limited to marriage, but the mainstream of this river of blessing does in fact flow through marriage. Marriage is how God usually does it.
Verse 31 says that “the law of his God is in his heart; None of his steps shall slide.” This is an ongoing trust in God. This is unwavering allegiance. But we then remember that we are sinners. This kind of law-keeping, this sort of trust, this sort of loyalty, is impossible for us apart from the grace of God in the gospel. This is the grace that visited us in our trouble, when Christ came down to earth in order to suffer and die sinners, and then, after having died, to rise again from the dead on behalf of the saints.
Because Christ has been raised up into a state where death no longer has dominion over Him, this means that He is in a position to guarantee that all such promises can be fulfilled. For those who trust Him, for those who look to Him as genuine Christians, they know that He is now in charge of “forever.” He holds the earth that we are to inherit in the palm of His hand. He is the one through whom we are to inherit whatever it is that we are to receive.
Apart from the grace of God, marriage is an insurmountable challenge. Because of sin and selfishness, it cannot declare what marriage was designed to declare. But resting upon the grace of God, marriage is one of His central means for displaying His grace and goodness to a hurting world. There is a glory in Christian marriage that cannot be found anywhere else or seen anywhere else. The assaults on biblical marriage that we have seen in our generation have actually been proxy wars being waged against the good news of salvation in Christ. And every Christian couple is privileged to be numbered among the ranks of those who have been enlisted to repulse all such assaults.
Cornelius, my charge to you is this. Take all the lessons that the Lord has taught you about patience as you looked forward to marriage and apply them now to how you must live within marriage. Now of course all married couples need to bear with one another patiently . . . that simply comes with the territory. That is nothing unusual. But after an extended time as an unmarried adult there will be various areas where you will need to be more flexible than you are perhaps accustomed to. There might even be as many as three such areas. So my charge amounts to this. Do not think that your bachelorhood has left you ill equipped for this particular challenge. Rather, as you have learned the lessons of trusting in God, you will be in a good position to take the application straight across. The promises of God are constant in every situation. Love God through Christ, display your love for Christ through how you love Ashley, and love the life He is giving you now.
Ashley, as the Lord has been weaving a remarkable story with the Christian community here in Moscow, your family, the Beauchamp clan, was one of the first strands from elsewhere to be woven into our fabric here. And now, many years after that process began, one of the latest strands to be woven into our community has been the Van Tonder name, and we thank you for making Cornelius such a good welcome. “As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country” (Prov. 25:25). Well, Cornelius is from a far country.
And here is a charge for the two of you together. Apart from the standard differences between men and women, you will also be dealing with cross-cultural differences, as well as differences created by long adult experience while unmarried. This might sound daunting, but my charge to you is this. Don’t overthink it. All the biblical instructions for men and women as they live together still apply, and obedience will always be just as blessed and fruitful. Cornelius, love your bride the way Christ loved His. In imitation of Him, true masculinity is the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility. She is God’s goodness to you. And Ashley, respect your husband the way the church looks up to Christ. Honor him. Respect him. He is God’s goodness to you.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.