According to Scripture, the creation of the man and the woman, our first parents, was not symmetrical. God did not fashion them as He did the beasts, which were all created male and female at the same time. He simply created the creatures, after their kind, we are told, and commanded them to multiply.
But with us it was different. God created the man first, solitary and alone. He then declared that it was “not good” for him to be alone and placed him into a deep sleep, a coma-like state. This was a type of death. God then removed a rib from Adam’s side and fashioned the woman from it.
This pattern had a purpose and plan behind it. The apostle Paul points to this creation order as significant in 1 Cor. 11. He first indicates that the fact that the woman was created second meant that she was the man’s crowning glory. Man was the image and glory of God, but the woman was the glory of the man. The image and glory of God Himself had a glory, and that glory was the woman. That was one aspect of the creation order.
But Paul goes on. He points out that the man did not come from the woman, but rather that the woman came from the man. That order is significant, although a bit later—lest any eighth-grade boys start putting on airs—he points out in v. 12 that although the first man did not come from a woman, all the rest of us did.
He then arrives at the doctrine I would like to press home here today. He says that man was not created for the woman, but rather that the woman was created for the man. Here it is:
“For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (1 Co 11:8–9).
The man was created to tend the garden, that garden being the world. The woman was created to tend the gardener, that being her world. Men and women are therefore oriented differently, and this is a creation feature, not a bug. Because sin is present in our world now, we can certainly sin with regard to this orientation, but the orientation is not itself sin.
Picture a book written by a man for men to read. What is the book about? Whether it is great literature like Homer or a pulp adventure story, the book is about the mission. It is about getting home to Ithaca, or finding the gold, or getting the cattle back. In a Louis L’Amour Western, when a girl enters the picture, a plucky rancher’s daughter, what is her role? Well, to help find the gold, or get the cattle back. She is there to help. He wants and needs her help.
What about a book written by a woman for women to read? Again, it could be great literature, as by Jane Austen, or a supermarket romance novel. In all of them, the relationship is the plot.
This is just a roundabout way of saying that men and women are oriented differently. He is facing the garden, and she is facing the gardener. This is elegant in its simplicity . . . but at the same time we need to avoid reducing it into something simplistic.
This is because Christian husbands are told by Paul to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Peter says that husbands are to dwell together with their wives, honoring them in wisdom. Paul says elsewhere that a husband’s love must not be bitter. So when the gardener faces outward toward the garden, he must not be oblivious to his gardener. He must love and cherish her, and as he does so, he is equipping her for her task. He is nourishing her so that she is strengthened by him in a way that enables her to strengthen him. This is why Paul says that a man who loves his wife loves himself. What he gives to her is returned to him, thirty, sixty, and a hundred-fold.
So Reagan, marriage is a long road trip. However focused you might be on getting there, you need to do more than just to be thinking about the destination. You need, for example, to put gas in the car. And the longer the road trip, the more you will need to keep putting gas in the car. Your wife (and your children as they arrive) are given so as to help you fulfill your vocational calling—but this should never be presumed to be grounds for neglecting your bride in the name of work, or dragging her into the cares generated by your vocational calling. That kind of husbandry is short-sighted in the extreme. You are to be partners, that is true enough, but it is not a symmetrical partnership. The violin and the bow are partners, but they are very different. So you are to lovingly equip her, not so that she will carry her end of the log, but rather so that she might equip you to carry the log.
Hannah, here is your charge. The beauty of the sex roles assigned to us in Scripture is this. We can know what is expected of us, and we can know what we may lawfully expect from our spouse. It helps to keep life simple. You should look to your husband—expectantly—waiting on him to provide for you, and to protect you. You don’t have to do those things yourself—you have a husband now. Husbands have this solemn obligation before God to be this and to do this for their wives. But their wives have an obligation also. The best of men will run out of gas if their wives aren’t equipping and helping them, and the kind of gas you must put in his tank is respect. When it comes to that, do not stint. I would suggest premium grade.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.