In Like a Lion, Out Like a Bear

I would take a photo out my window of the snow storm that is pounding us here, but enemies of the gospel of global cooling would think I had photoshopped it. This is a crisis. We clearly need to hand over unlimited power now to government bureaucrats and regulators, not to mention faceless international functionaries, so that they can save us all, lest we perish and die! Whenever there is a crisis, and this clearly is one, the only entity that knows how to turn a profit on said crisis is the government. They always make hay out of these things. And if it is not a crisis to have a snow storm laying us low in white-out humiliation on the same spring day that residents of Washington are required to get their studded tires off the road, I don’t know what is one.

Now I know that the planet is a big place, and that somewhere birds are chirruping and there is sunshine all over the place, yes, I grant it. But these things are complicated, and those isolated pockets of warmth are actually proofs of global cooling if only you have eyes to see! Please, people! Let’s pull together before it’s too late! Don’t neglect the little things. Leave your car idling in the driveway before you have to leave. Flush the toilet twice whenever feasible. Leave the lights on all night. Try to get your carbon footprint up to Al Gore’s levels. Buy a gas guzzler — prices for those may never be lower. Shoot, buy two of them.