Introduction
Learning to be a Christian athlete involves more than simply being a Christian and also being an athlete. What we are after is for those two words (and worlds) to intersect, such that the noun athlete is permeated by that adjective Christian. The athletic involvement is to be distinctively Christian. As athletes give themselves over to learning this valuable lesson, and as their parents help them with that very same lesson, one of the things that must be mastered is the ability to avoid judging the motives of others.
And a lot of this will be learned in between competitions, while talking with teammates, when talking with family, after reading newspaper write-ups, and so forth.
The Texts
“All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; But the Lord weigheth the spirits” (Proverbs 16:2).
“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: But the Lord pondereth the hearts” (Proverbs 21:2).
Summary of the Texts
We have to start with the fact that we are always looking out at the world through our own eyes. And we think that we are seeing accurately, which may indeed be the case, but we are sometimes wrong. You don’t believe you are always right, but you always believe you’re right. There is quite a problem in there, especially when it comes to your athletic ability, or the ability of your kid.
So the world can be divided into two kinds of people—people who take this point into account, and people who generally do not. Confronted with the question “have you ever been wrong?” virtually everyone would acknowledge it in the abstract. But acknowledging it and budgeting for it are two different things.
Our first proverb says that “all the ways” of a man are clean according to him. The second proverb says the same thing in different words. “Every way” of a man is right in his own eyes. One thinks of his ways as clean, and the other thinks of them as right. In the first proverb, the Lord is the one who weighs the spirits. In the second, the Lord is the one who ponders the hearts. The determination, therefore, is not settled by the perception of the one who has the perspective. Paul himself appeals to this principle.
“For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord.”1 Cor. 4:4 (NKJV))
Of course you think you are right. That is what it means to think something.
Now this is the path of biblical humility, not the floating of a rootless relativism. I always think I am right, but I shouldn’t think that I am always right. Thinking that you are right is actually the same thing as thinking at all. So you should always carry yourself as one who understands that everything that you think is subject to review. By someone who is perfect.
A Cluster of Proverbs
There are a number of proverbs that help us to triangulate on this principle. “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him” (Proverbs 18:13). In other words, be very wary of your snap judgments. Also be wary of the tendency to jump to conclusions after hearing only one side. “He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; But his neighbour cometh and searcheth him” (Proverbs 18:17).
Don’t be quick to initiate any kind of controversy over fill in the blank.
“Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame. Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; And discover not a secret to another: Lest he that heareth it put thee to shame, and thine infamy turn not away.”Proverbs 25:8–10 (KJV)
Always be aware of the fact that you have virtually no idea of what is going on deep inside the person whose behavior you are judging. The thing they did or said might be out there in public, and that can be evaluated accordingly, in line with the Word. That’s one thing. But knowing why that person did it is quite another. “The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly” (Proverbs 20:27).
And remember that we have a tendency to reverse this when it comes to how we think others should evaluate others. We tend to evaluate others on the basis of what they said or did, and we match that with what we assume their motives were. But for ourselves, we want to be evaluated on the basis of what our motives were.
Be aware of the fact that we all have a tendency to let the circumstances affect the way we talk about the circumstances. “It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: But when he is gone his way, then he boasteth” (Proverbs 20:14). With minor adjustments we can apply this principle to whether or not we won or lost the game.
So resist the temptation to explain why, especially if the explanation has to reach down into the motives of others.
Against Teammates
Say that you have a teammate who is better than you are. Unlikely, I know, but work with me. Recognizing that fact is good for your humility, and it can be used as a righteous spur to make you work harder. All of that is good and it arises from you thinking (and knowing) that he is just better. But this is just a short step away from you meditating on the fact that you think that he thinks he is better too. Moreover you think that he is thinking about it as often as you are, which is unlikely. This is no longer healthy competition but is rather envious striving. You impute conceit to him so that you can feel better about nurturing some kind of retaliatory snark in your heart. But what if you were the one who made up that conceit for him?
Against Opponents
If your opponents are on a winning streak, and they simply come out onto the court, and all you can see is swagger, you are probably projecting. This is a Golden Rule thing. You don’t like it when it is done to you. When this is happening the other side of your evaluations can’t win for losing. Any display of good sportsmanship on their part is taken as additional swagger and taunting. The leagues we are playing in are rife with this kind of thing. Do not repay any of it in kind.
Against Coaches
You didn’t get the starting position that you really wanted, and the coach was the one who didn’t give it to you. You remember the disagreement he had with your dad a year ago, over that barking dog incident. That’s probably why he gave the starting slot to somebody else. He is probably keeping a grudge. Well, okay. At least somebody is.
Summarize all of it this way. Keep to the facts, and then hold the facts on the palm of your hands, held up before the Lord. Do not ever speculate about the motives of others. This is hard enough to do when there is no conflict. Whenever there has been a clash, and feelings run high, your imputation of motives is almost certainly wrong.
Christ Is the One Who Ponders
The Lord is the one who examines us. Be aware that if the Lord will judge every idle word, as He says that He will (Matt. 12:36), this will certainly apply to how you talk about the coach who gave the starting position to someone other than your sweet baboo. Returning to the top, He weighs the spirits. Returning to the top, He ponders the hearts. And it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).