Introduction
We all have a very natural tendency to become evangelists for things we love. This applies obviously to evangelism in the gospel, but we also tend to become very “evangelical” about anything we care deeply about. This can apply to a great restaurant you found, a hot band you discovered, a wonderful book you want to share, and a sport that you think every single student ought to be playing. People who love things are natural-born recruiters. This is good and glorious, and at the same time we must realize that it has made quite a few gaudy messes. As the saying goes, to a man with a new hammer, everything looks like a nail.
The Text
“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand . . . For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s” (Rom. 14: 4, 7–8).
Summary of the Text
In the original context, this section of Romans had to do with dietary scruples, for one example, and a fastidious concern about calendar observances, for another. All such things, in themselves, are adiaphora, things indifferent. That means that God didn’t care about it, one way or the other. And boiled down, Paul’s argument was that if God didn’t care, neither should we.
On all such issues, Paul says that it is not our place to sit in judgment on the servant of another. Your brother, the one you are looking at sideways, has a master that he must answer to, and that master . . . is not you. Leave him be. Let him alone. God is a more compassionate master than you are, and He is also a stricter master than you are. He is able to make your brother stand at the last, and he will stand (v. 4). All of us belong to the same Lord, and because of that, we all belong to one another. If a man lives, it is not for own sake alone. If a man dies, he is not the only one affected (v. 7). All of it, living and dying both, is coram Deo, before the face of God (v. 7). We belong to God, and so does our brother or sister. We belong to God together.
But Wait a Minute
What could we possibly mean by saying “God doesn’t care”? How does that harmonize with God’s sovereignty and “all of Christ for all of life”? Isn’t God involved in everything? Doesn’t God care about everything? Aren’t we supposed to glorify God in everything? Yes, exactly. But not in the same way. God cares very much whether you choose your wife over another woman. But He doesn’t at all whether you choose chocolate or vanilla at the ice cream shop. But He does care about the way you choose that ice cream. Sometimes it is the nouns and sometimes the adverbs.
Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is hard enough to resist when the pressure is being applied to get you to do something that you know is wrong and twisted. “My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not” (Prov. 1:10). How much tougher must it be to resist when the people applying the screws are respected Christian peers, or even coaches? They are the godly ones, or so it is thought, and they are pressing you to explain how on earth we can hope to rebuild Christendom when you won’t go out for the football team?
But it is not only a sin to go off and sin. It is also a sin to go and do something valuable and good for all the wrong reasons. “And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23). And doing something because you were strong-armed into it is not “of faith.” Again, the original context here is about dietary scruples, but the principles embedded here apply to anything that is adiaphora.
The Situation
So let us suppose that we have a situation like this. A young man has declined to go out for the football team. There may be any number of reasons. He wants his knee injury to fully recover before basketball starts. He wants to practice piano. His dad wants him to bring his grades up. His personality grates on the coach and it shows. Let us grant that the reasons might be stellar and they might be lame. For our purposes here, that doesn’t matter. A friend wants to persuade him to change his mind. What is appropriate and what is not?
As it happens, the charitable Christian approach is always the best way, whether or not the reasons for that young man’s reluctance are any good.
Discussion v. the Hard Sell
Of course, it is always appropriate for two friends to talk about what their future plans are, and the reasons why. But when discussion turns into the hard sell, there is a real sin against charity. And so what are some of the signs that a hard sell is going down?
God’s will is used like a hammer. James tells us not to boast about tomorrow (Jas. 4:13-14). Still less are we to pronounce on tomorrow with “God’s will” attached to the pronouncement somehow. And even less are we supposed to pronounce on God’s will for other people.
Moral issues are invoked. In the course of the discussion it is hinted darkly, or stated openly, that there are quite possibly sin issues involved in this strange reluctance.
Time to think about it is not permitted. Like a true high-pressure salesman, he wants to close the deal now. No time to think about it. We are burning daylight, people.
Authority dynamics are deployed. This happens when a coach or parent, say, gives a talk to the assembled boys, and the clear implication is that if you don’t come out for the team you are not a man, and moreover, you never will be. The coach feels sorry for your future wife, whoever that poor girl may be.
The persuader is writing checks way beyond the money he has in the bank. Whenever we are drawing on someone’s patience like this, we are writing a check, and perhaps a big one. How much money do you have in that account? What is the nature of the relationship? How close?
The young man’s genuine authorities are by-passed or ignored. If you don’t know what his parents have advised him to do, or worse, if you don’t care, then it really is the hard sell.
His reasons are simply dismissed, not answered. In a conversation, you take into account what both parties are saying. When a salesman simply goes from one talking point to the next, like he is reading off a script, he is being a salesman, not a friend.
Christ Before Us
The topic is obviously recruitment for some athletic involvement, but this is a principle that applies to anything a Christian might be zealous about—homeschooling, vitamins, music lessons, or more. Applications are numerous. Learning this principle is key when it comes to the saints in a congregation remaining at peace with one another. The great Pauline principle remains constant—”mind thine own beeswax.”
If we go just a few verses down, we see that our task in conversations like this is not to win the point, or carry the day, or achieve our objective. You should always want to win the person, not the argument. The goal is to focus on the other. “Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification” (Romans 15:2).
And why are we to do this? “For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” (Romans 15:3). As in everything, we are following Christ.