Athletics and Christian Community #4

Introduction

One of the most natural and valuable affections that we find in the created order is the affection that parents have for their children. It is good and right and noble. God compares His love for Ephraim to a father teaching his son to walk (Hos. 11:3). Paul compares his care for the Thessalonians to the tenderness of a nursing mother (1 Thess. 2:7-8). We find this sort of comparison throughout Scripture. It is a good thing.

But we also know that this is a fallen world, and the fiercest devils are often the angels that fell from a greater height. Parental love gone wrong can be enormously destructive. Unexamined parental love can do a lot of unintentional damage.

The Text

“Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die” (1 Samuel 20:30–31).

Summary of the Text

David was avoiding Saul because he knew that Saul was gunning for him. Because of this, he did not show up at a court banquet, and gave Jonathan an excuse to offer if he was asked about it. He was asked, and Jonathan offered the excuse David had given, and Saul exploded at Jonathan. He first insulted Jonathan’s mother, called her a perverse and rebellious woman (v. 30). Don’t you know, Saul was saying, that you and the son of Jesse are competitors for the throne? You have chosen the son of Jesse over the son of Saul. This was very clearly a proxy war. Jonathan’s behavior would result in his own confusion, according to Saul, as well as the confusion of his mother’s nakedness (v. 30). As long as David was alive, you, Jonathan, will be shut out from the throne and kingdom (v. 31).

In short, Saul is battling with Jesse, who is named twice in this tirade, and he fully expected Jonathan to step in and take up his part. He is furious with Jonathan because Jonathan refuses.  

The Proxy Problem

There is a difference between wanting your children to thrive and prosper, enjoying the blessing of God, which every godly parent should want, on the one hand, and wanting to flatter yourself, enjoying and stroking your own ego, and using your children as your personal hand puppets to do so.

The gracious form of it looks like this:

Should you want your children to be great in the kingdom? Of course. Should parents give way to any form of proxy egotism? Of course not.

This is not a rare problem, and it can get into all kinds of situations, and cause all kinds of messes. Dad never started as quarterback, and so his son has to be the starting quarterback. He never got the write-ups he deserved, and so he sends out press releases to local sports reporters, with the last name highlighted. Nothing wrong with cheering your kids on, but make sure it is your covenant child you are seeking to encourage, and that you are not just feeding some ugly part of your lizard brain. So reject and walk away from every form of proxy involvement. No proxy striving. No proxy flirting. No proxy vainglory.  

The Conflict Problem

The joke is told that one time a fellow went to a boxing match, and a hockey game broke out. When players get in the zone, and the game is close, and the stakes are (comparatively) high, and the fans are biting their nails . . . conflict breaks out.

Such conflict can be between parents/coaches, or parents/players, or parents/umpires, or parents/parents. Remember the common sense that has been posted at various Little League diamonds, and that has been posted at many fields for a reason. “1. These are kids. 2. This is a game. 3. Coaches are volunteers. 4. Umpires are human. 5. Your child is not being scouted by the Brewers today.”

Why are such signs both funny and sad? And why are such reminders needed even when everybody involved is supposed to be a Christian? When conflicts break out, and we are scratching our heads about how that could possibly happen, we should remember that James 4 is in the Bible.

The proxy issue is still involved in all this, but whenever feelings run high, and conflict emerges, you should know you are dealing with lust, pride, desire, envy, and yet more pride. And it is all hidden from you because you have mistaken your proxy striving for Christian charity.

The Father and the Son

One of the basic truths of the Christian faith is that the Father reveals Himself to us through the Son. “Jesus saith unto him . . . he that hath seen me hath seen the Father” (John 14:9). “Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high” (Hebrews 1:3). So there is a righteous way to do this, as we can see in that God Himself has done it. But He is without blemish or sin of any kind. He is holy. When Paul tells us to be imitators of God, as dearly beloved children (Eph. 5:1), it is crucial that we not track our sin into it.

So when you enter into an athletic competition, of course you should want to win. That is the nature of the game. But look more closely. Don’t just look at the nature of the game, look also to the nature of your wanting. And if your child is out on the field, or out on the court, of course you want him to do well. You want her to win. That is the nature of competition. But don’t spend all your time looking at the nature of competition. Look hard to the nature of your wanting, and surrender all your desires to Him, asking Him to shape them into the right sort of wanting.