Hospitality, where it is still practiced in the church, is largely an unstudied virtue. The demands of modernity and the frenetic pace of life around us dictate that we neglect our responsibility to have our brothers and sisters into our homes. Nevertheless, the Bible is very plain in requiring us to be disciplined in our pursuit of “company,” and includes a requirement of hospitality in the leaders of the church (1 Tim. 3:2). This is not because it is their task alone, but rather because a pattern or example should be set by them for the whole church.
But we must begin with a caution. Before addressing the duties related to hospitality, just a few words are necessary to that group which always finds time to lament the unfriendliness and lack of hospitality in others. This duty is one where we may trust the Lord to convict us of our own failings. But with regard to their purported failings, take care not to draw any conclusions about the hospitality of others. First, you are in no position to make a right judgment. It is very easy to make judgments without all the facts (a practice that some seem to feel is their spiritual gift). And secondly, those who show great interest in the failings of others in this regard are usually a central part of the problem.
This said, nevertheless, in Romans 12:13, the saints are told to pursue hospitality, to chase down potential guests in the parking lot after church. Far more is involved than a simple willingness to have company over—Paul is saying that we must make a point to make it happen. But this occurs in the midst of a veritable cluster of virtues. He begins with v. 9, saying that our love must be unhypocritical, and proceeds to show all the different ways an unhypocritical love is manifested. Opening your home is an essential part of this, and being hospitable on a regular basis is a Christian grace. This means you do not need to be concerned about the ill-effects of hospitality considered in itself. It is not bad for the kids.
The context of hospitality is to be love—fervent love (1 Pet. 4:8-9). The word for fervent here does not refer to a fever pitch of emotional enthusiasm, but rather to constant and continual exertion, as an athlete running a race. Be dedicated to this. So the apostle Peter sets the stage for us. As we have heard many times, love covers a multitude of sins. “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging” (1 Pet. 4: 8-9).
This last comment about not “grudging” what we give is also good—because hospitality frequently uncovers a multitude of sins also. An ungrateful guest with muddy boots and querulous questions about “what’s for dinner?” can inspire a host of unlovely thoughts in the mind of an abused hostess. And this is why Peter tells us to be hospitable without grumbling. God loves a cheerful giver, and if you share your home with a bad attitude, you have the worst of every situation—no treasure in heaven, and a lousy evening to boot!
The author of Hebrews places hospitality in the same context as our other writers—which is the familial love which God has granted to us as His children. Let brotherly love continue, he says, and do not forget to show hospitality (Heb. 13:1-2). In saying this, he is not promising us angelic visitations, but rather unexpected blessings. Those who entertained angels were those saints of God in the Old Testament who had set an example of hospitality.
This is kingdom work. The Bible teaches that hospitality is an important way to advance the work of the kingdom of God. And so if we pray for God’s kingdom to come, we must be willing to open our doors to invite it in. “We therefore ought to receive such, that we may become fellow workers for the truth” (3 John 8). By the same token, we are not to share the blessing of our table with false teachers (2 John 10-11) or those under discipline (1 Cor. 5:9-12).
But hospitality must also be mindful of the guest. C.S. Lewis once commented on a woman who lived for others—and you could identify those others by their hunted expression. The design of hospitality is to serve the needs of your guests, and not to meet any personal emotional need you might have. This is not something which occurs in nature spontaneously. The Holy Spirit gives the impulse and desire, but like all the virtues, cultivation and discipline are most required.