Once there was a young girl who desperately wanted to be popular, but who knew in her own heart that she would never be. She was constantly afraid that the other girls were talking about her in catty ways, and that whenever they were friendly, they must be only pretending. Her parents were dimly aware of this, but thought that it was just part of her personality. “She usually sees the down side,” they would say.
But one day, this girl’s favorite aunt was visiting from another city, and the dinner table conversation that night turned to school. The comment that started it all was fairly innocuous, something like, “And how’s school this year?”
The answer was something like, “Okay, I guess. But I am not very popular.” This was said in the tone of voice in which it was always said, and which always caused her parents to ask what the others had done to her this time. The outcome of such conversations was usually some shopping on her behalf to try to cheer her up. But her aunt had seen for several years what was happening, and saw an opportunity. But she took it by playing dumb.
“Well, I am sure that if you say you’re sorry to the other girls for whatever you have been doing, they would all forgive you.”
Everyone sat in silence for a moment. Then the young girl, after she caught her breath, said, “But I didn’t do anything. Are you saying not being popular is my fault?”
Her aunt replied calmly. “Oh, no. This kind of thing can certainly go in either direction, or both directions even. All I meant was that in situations like this, it is best to seriously consider the possibility of my own fault first.”
This was a complete novelty, and the girl did not know what to say. The conversation had jumped off the script.
“And there is one other thing I have found,” her aunt volunteered. “When I was a girl, I first learned that really wanting to be popular is self-defeating. People who deeply care about being popular usually aren’t, and if they make it, they can’t enjoy it because they are constantly worried about losing it. So if I were you, I would just forget it.”
“Forget it? How can I forget it?”
“Well, we have dessert to think about. And after that, I have some gifts in my suitcase.”