Grace and Our Dearest Sin

There is an old adage that says we should not doubt in the dark what we knew in the light. This is quite true, but in this world of darkness a good bit of the dark comes to you in the guise of light. The world is not divided between those who say “I am blind,” and those who say, “I see.” No, the world is divided between those who claim to see and those who actually do.

This makes us—rightly—want to cross check ourselves. Fundamentally, self-deception occurs when we think that we see when we in fact do not. There is no way for you, by yourself, to get out of the dilemma. You cannot double-think it, or triple-think it, and find your way out of this maze.

The only way out is to surrender completely to the God of the Bible. You  come before Him, and you must say, in the deepest recesses of your heart, “Search me, and try me, and see if there is any wicked way in me” (Ps. 139:23-24). You may not be willing to know the real condition of your soul, but are you willing to be made willing?

That is what this surrender does. When you kneel before the Lord in just a moment, do not ask Him to fix anyone else. Leave that for another time. Ask Him to fix you, restore you, forgive you. If things are not as they should be, it is likely there is a hard casing of autonomy and self-sufficiency in your heart. Ask God to break open that casing, and to pour Himself in. Think of that casing as a barrier. It is something that hinders and prevents fellowship and communion—first with God, and then with others.

In this, remember that the Puritan Thomas Brooks taught us that it is the very nature of grace to stir us up to be eminent in that particular grace which stands most forcefully against our dearest sin.

You may have wondered what happened to your marriage. Or your friendships. Or your relationships with your kids. Perhaps it is not them. Perhaps it is this. If you want to be made willing to will this, remember that this is how God gives Himself to us.

So ask God to break your heart.