Slomosexuality

Andrew Walker here describes the efforts of the new homo-jihadis to outlaw religious liberty on Christian colleges. I use the verb “outlaw,” but Walker makes it plain that this ultimate goal is not the immediate move. The current plan is simply to expose those colleges that have taken a legal exemption from the sexual pandemonium so that they may be subjected to the full weight of public . . . what’s the word I want here? . . . obloquy, that’s it.

And World magazine reports that a Catholic school in Massachusetts will not be permitted to beg off from hiring homosexuals in the future. A judge has handed down some learned argle bargle, and a private religious school now has to have an official from the government tell them what the boundaries of their conscience may be. Now — full disclosure here — I have been reported on enough by World to make me a little tentative, but this story seems legit.

Walker’s report makes plain what has been evident to insightful observers for some time now. This sexual revolution we are observing fully intends to have two phases. The first is the orgiastic phase, where the revolutionaries fight for their right to have orgasms wherever and however they please. The second phase will come when they seek to enact Diderot’s sentiment, and strangle the last king with the entrails of the last priest. In other words, the two phases can be summed up by lust and hatred.

In short, they want what they want and intend to take it, and they hate what we want and intend to take it away. More about this in a moment.

In the meantime, in order to prepare for the onslaught of the sexual riot of unbelief . . .

Pop evangelicals are making ecclesiastical uptown funk videos, a practice I deem to be whiter than snowballs.

Pop evangelicals are having people get tattoos at church on stage during the sermon, which is lamer than the cripple at the Beautiful Gate around 2:45 pm, right before Peter’s arrival (Acts 3:1-5). Only Peter came to the Beautiful Gate and healed the guy. He hasn’t showed up here yet.

Pop evangelicals are now officially grappling with women’s ordination, which is gayer than an NPR tote bag full of rainbows.

In case you hadn’t noticed, these evangelicals grapple with things right before they wrestle with them, which is right before they lose to them. The only thing contempo-evangelicals are willing to really do battle with is breast cancer, and then only during the designated week for it. As the prophet Elijah once put it, say it with ribbons.

“Lord, Lord, why did You let them take away our religious liberty?”

If I had to guess, the answer will be that from the heavenly perspective it didn’t look like we were using it. Aping whatever the cool kids are doing is not a religion. Well, all right. To be strictly accurate, it can be considered a religion — a religion of eighth graders.

So let us leave pop evangelicalism to their own irrelevant devices. Nothing is more irrelevant than the lust for relevance. As Lewis put it, whatever is not eternal is eternally out of date.

I said the revolution has two phases. The two phases have three steps. First, create a sexual Bedlam and make everybody live in it. Second, give traditional believers day passes so that they go be somewhere normal from time to time. Third, revoke all day passes.

Last thing. Why call this slomosexuality? What is slow about it? We are living in a time when many things are happening, apparently quite suddenly. But all of this is the result of Gramsci’s “long march through the institutions.” The various assumptions that go into the lunacies that are being sprung on us today, almost on a daily basis, are assumptions that have been carefully cultivated for decades — well, actually for centuries. There have been two aspects of it.

First, there has been careful cultivation of the unbelieving mind, such that some people can now be persuaded that if personal identity is a social construct, then if a man wants to self-identify as a sea lion off the Oregon coast, it must be a hard and bitter bigotry for anyone to say that he can’t fulfill his dreams. For mark it well. When these things come up, and some naif says, “But he isn’t a sea lion,” and the gent in question is lying on the beach in his specially-manufactured trunks, with a hurt look on his face, the person who will get in trouble is the person who said the hurtful thing, not the person doing the stupid thing. You doubt what I say?

You think I take my calling as a satirist too intently, too seriously? You think I am doing it up a little brown? Too many eggs in the pudding? I mean, seriously, sea lions? Look. Bruce Jenner is no more a girl than Schwartz is a sea lion. How are you going to prove Schwartz wrong? Check his DNA? Great. Can we have a look at Bruce’s DNA while we are at it? The only reason this secularist sexualist worldview has any traction whatever is that twenty pound club that you wield so vigorously.

The second regime of cultivation was more important though. This was the preparation that persuaded the believing mind to go along with all the foolishness. Some believers have been doctrinally hobbled. They have refused to step into a prophetic role because this world is not their home. Some have refused because they go to a church with music that gives them the feelies all over — as though churches were somehow supposed to be pilot-project centers for Huxley’s Brave New World. Some have retreated to seminaries in order to manufacture R2K workarounds, a more sophisticated intellectual justification for disengagement than the older dispensational forms were. Twice as many graduate degrees, but every bit as impotent!

But the main reason is that twenty pound club. Courage does pay strong dividends down the road, but cowardice always pays off now.