Grace and Peace
“At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore” (Ps. 16: 11)
The Basket Case Chronicles #69
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife” (1 Cor. 7:15-16).
One of the reasons why a believing spouse might hang on too long in an unworkable marriage is through a false assumption that time has the power to convert people. But Paul challenges this. How do you know (wife or husband) that continuation in ongoing marital strife is going to result in salvation for them? We know that we are dealing with strife because Paul reminds the believer here that we are called to peace, even if that peace means letting the source of the conflict go. Refusing to let someone go who is insistent on going their own way is a way of disrupting the peace—which may be more of a barrier to conversion than a divorce would be.
“Not under bondage” means not under bondage. If an unbelieving spouse is not “pleased to be together with” and departs, Paul says not to fight it. For some Christians to add, as many unfortunately do, that the deserted spouse is prohibited from remarriage later on is to say—and not too obliquely—that they are too under bondage.
This places a good deal of weight on what is meant by “pleased to be together with.” It obviously doesn’t mean a shared commitment to the central issues of life (for that would make them both believers), and at the other end of the spectrum it doesn’t mean ten screaming fits a day. The way I would describe it is a willingness on the part of both husband and wife to function together as civilized human beings in a marriage relationship, sexual relations included.
Obviously, complications can arise easily. What about someone who is clearly not converted, but who is a baptized covenant member? Now what? If they are in the church of a pastor who is asking the question, he is in a position to resolve that. If a disobedient church member is not “pleased to be together with” the obedient one, and deserts, he should be disciplined for it. Once he is disciplined, he is judicially a non-believer, and this passage applies.
But in the messiness of this poor old world, the situations are not always that clean. The disobedient spouse did his thing at their previous church, which didn’t do anything about it, and now the wronged spouse has moved to your town, joined your church, and has asked what her status is. A wise pastor should always remember he is pastoring sheep, not stacking bricks, and he should take care to reason—mutatis mutandis—in a way that protects the innocent, not the guilty. Often you can tell which party is the innocent one—the one who is more willing to put up with the lunkheadedness of our legalisms.
One last thing—we live in a time when divorce is far too easy to come by. The fact that these things can happen doesn’t mean that they should. Divorce really does do a lot of damage to the kids, and mixed couples who can do it should labor to stay together for the sake of the kids, just as they labor to feed and clothe them. From either perspective it should be worth it.