Newt’s Three Laws of Motion

Sharing Options

As I have been musing on the current Newt FEEnom, observing how many ostensible conservative pundits have all the principled stability of a well-greased weather vane on a gusty day, it occured to me to jot down a few thoughts on the underlying laws that are involved.

These laws or principles are the result of ceaseless meditation and prayer on my part over a period of some years now, and I jot them down merely in the hope that someone might find them useful.

I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

This is just another way of saying that politicians won’t see the light until they feel the heat. Washington, and the GOP establishment, and the lobbyists, and their mistresses, are all in a state that is called “inertia.” Unless sufficient force is applied to them, they will change absolutely nothing. Given the monkeyshines we have seen since the 2010 election, the only conclusion to draw is that sufficient force has not yet been applied. So, as we used to say in the Navy, “Don’t force it. Get a bigger hammer.”

But it is important to realize that prior to the point when sufficient force is applied, there is a class of political leader that likes to get out in front of it all, pretending that sufficient force has been applied, indicating that we can all lay off already, for HAS NOT LEADERSHIP ARRIVED? Their activity in this activity can be measured in millinewts, newts, and, of course, the Newt grande.

The second little observation that I jotted down was this:

II. The relationship between an object’s mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma.

We should be able to see immediately from this principle how important it is to be smart. As has been often observed, sometimes by others, Newt is the smartest guy in the room. Less obvious is why this should be considered a good thing. First, if has been established that somebody is a miscreant and mountebank, why should we find it a reassurance that he is a very smart one? If I am to be governed by scoundrels, I would prefer the dumb ones. But maybe that’s just me.

Second, it should be at least noted that our civilization is approaching a state that political scientists like to call “heat death,” and this feat was accomplished by all the smartest guys in the room. Just sayin’ . . .

III. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

There are any number of related (but of course not identical) observations. What goes up must come down. What is spent now cannot be spent later. Holes that are dug are holes that must be lived in. Politicians cannot be thrown out unless they are first voted in. But, as one sage put it, political leaders are like gargoyles — high up, ugly, and hard to knock off.

But excuse me, I got distracted from my amusing little third principle. The principle is this. Every debt dollar spent now is actually funding the anger of a coming tax revolt, an “equal and opposite” reaction. I will be interested to observe the umptyteetrillion revolt when it comes, and only hope that it won’t involve any parades down Constitution Avenue with 400 plus congressional leaders dipped in tar, leading their well-feathered way. But you get what you pay for.

It is crucial to note that the Newt grande does not have sufficient mass to withstand the equal and opposite reaction when it comes — Ng ≠  [F = ma] — or so the smart guys tell me.



Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments