All in the Original Hebrew

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One of the concerns that has been raised about moi, as Miss Piggy might say, is that I might be racially insensitive. That is actually a serious concern, which I hope to address seriously later, but I do need to acknowledge at the front end that there are some senses and some ways in which I am quite capable of it.

For example, I think Cretans are slowbellies, and need to get a job. And by “get a job” I mean getting off their Caucasian butts and giving Epimenides something else to write about. And I believe that Nietzsche, that pencil-necked white champion of the Man of Destiny, was afraid of girls. And if you don’t think his whiteness had a great deal to do with it, then just look at that compensatory mustache. I mean, come on. And Heidegger was a tangled bit of Aryan nonsense, and scads of white graduate students with soul patches are still quoting him.

What has modern Europe given the world? Besides atheism, evolution, opaque pomo philosophers, Jew-hatred, bankrupt socialism, holocausts, and world wars? What is it with these people?

And they are such busybodies. Just try sitting quietly on your front porch for a minute, to smoke a pipe or something, and they start bustling around like a cheery junior high camp counselor recruiting people for Activities. But I don’t want to weave colorful plastic bracelets.

They are invisible to themselves. Their hipster ironies always go one layer deeper than they thought it would go. Stuff White People like is one of the things that white people like. Think about that for a minute.

But let us not go too far. Simply being white is a fact of creation, and we must acknowledge that a beneficent Creator was the one who did it. We may not know why, and so we must bow in humble acceptance of His inscrutable ways. But whiteness is a function of the Fall. Whiteness is a state of mind. Whiteness is leprosy of the brain.

Noah’s great, great grandson was the first white person, but it was his great grandson that started doing the whiteness thing. The first indicator was the plaid golfing pants, a dead giveaway ever since. All in the original Hebrew.

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