When a son is out of control, this is because the parents have often made the mistake of slipping into an adversarial role, instead of what they ought to be occupying, which is a watchful and parental role.
The first unfortunate step in becoming an adversary to your child is that of taking it personally. When a two-year-old is defiant, you certainly have a problem to solve. But what you don’t have is an enemy. If you slip into an adversarial role, what you are doing is creating an adversary within the home. The collisions that occur when a child is small are often the means that parents unwittingly use to name their child as trouble, thus teaching him that this is his role, this is his name, this is his destiny. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” is offered as an exasperated question, while it is often heard by the child as a statement that if he is to retain his own name, he must continue to do what he is doing.
There is something counterintuitive here, something that fathers with problem children must embrace as the first step out. However much your child’s behavior is displeasing you, you have to come to grips with the fact that the behavior is something which, at some level, you have required of him. This is another way of saying that the first step out is confession, not accusation. If your child is your adversary, then make your accusations. But if your child is still your child, then the place to begin is confession. You don’t have to confess how you required this of him (because you don’t know that yet), but you should confess to God as sin the fact that you did require this of him.